- Gloria: [leaving the boys with Eric and Phil] If you need anything, call me. If you can't get me, call the cops.
- Gloria: Now I know why gay men don't make good parents. You want designer everything. Well, I'm sorry. I don't have any Calvin Klein kids.
- T.J.: We're gonna get AIDS.
- Gloria: T.J., that is not true.
- T.J.: They give me the creeps.
- Gloria: T.J., you have a greater risk of abuse in a normal home. For God's sake, your mother's boyfriend burned your arm.
- T.J.: They hate us.
- Gloria: They do not. You've been in twelve homes in ten months.
- T.J.: Yeah, and they're all assholes.
- Neal: [to George] You don't trust me.
- Phil: [unable to keep his own personal problems from influencing this counseling session] Why should he?
- Neal: What?
- Phil: You fuck around. You go away for the weekend with no explanation. Why should he trust you?
- Neal: Because I keep comin' back.
- Phil: Oh, after you had your fun with the other guys, right? You come back to George who's always there for you. George, I think you should take a shot at him. Here, take the gun.
- [Neal gasps as Phil pulls out a revolver]
- George: Oh, I don't know.
- Neal: I don't like this!
- Phil: Oh, you think you can fuck around whenever the hell you feel like it, right? Well, your lover has feelings, too. You ought to think about him every once in a while. If he's not gonna shoot you, I am.
- George: Dr. Russell!...
- Phil: Don't you want him to pay?
- George: Well, yes, but...
- Phil: Then back off!
- Phil: Just give her a few days to stabilize. Eric, please. She's coming off more substances than Janis, Jimi and Judy put together.
- Party Guest: What happens when you have gay parents?
- Party Guest: Remember how your parents used to make you go to church? Gay parents make you go to the gym.