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Never mind the plot; it's about a few American teenagers entering a haunted convent, getting killed one by one as a result, then instantly coming back in some undead form and henceforth killing each other a little bit more.Well, it's supposed to be a splatter movie, so what kind of story do you expect. The problem is, it's a very bad and unoriginal splatter movie. The dialogue is not only abhorrently stupid (as you would expect), it's downright predictable from sentence to sentence. The acting is not only bad, it's simply not there at all. The in-jokes (which seem to be obligatory since "Creepshow" and even more so since "Scream") are annoyingly lame and far too many; and all the parts between the violent moments are too long and remind of a badly-written sitcom. There's nothing to be found here that a horror fan hasn't seen a million times before; and it's all been done better, scarier, funnier, whatever. "The Convent" would have been a forgivable popcorn exercise twenty years ago; today it's just late in coming and it stinks.Renters of videos be warned, this movie really isn't any fun, not in any intentional nor in any unintentional way. It tries to be "fun to watch" so hard that every attempt to be entertaining falls flat instantly. And, as has been said before, it's not scary for a second - nothing that predictable could ever be scary.Worse than that, "The Convent" doesn't even have a straight gorefest to offer. Instead, you get a few numbing and badly timed sequences, with some of the shots even used repeatedly; but then again it makes you feel glad that they didn't have any further money to waste on this hooey. It would have been better off as a video clip in the first place; and when I say video clip, I mean Backstreet Boys rather than Black Sabbath.In short, expect nothing of the "From Dusk till Dawn" type, this is just a tame and uninspired rehash of what you already know.
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