Venni vidi e m'arrapaoh (1984)

Director:

Vincenzo Salviani

Writer:

Tim Kincaid (only credited on Italian prints)

Genre:

Musical | Comedy

Plot:

Young members of a pop band seek their first sexual experience. |

Plot Keywords:

Low Budget Film | Musician | Female Nudity | Voyeur | Nudity

Cast

Alessandro Cerquetti
Cecilia Oliva
Luciano Pinna
Giziana Spatrisano

Country:

Italy

Language:

Italian

Color:

Color

Filming Locations:

Rome, Lazio, Italy

Company:

Mondial Baia Cinematografica

The worst "movie" ever made

It might happen that actors or directors whose movie got trashed get so upset they would like to punch the critic. This time it is the opposite: as a critic, I would like to punch the people who got involved in this abomination. There is a debate about which one is the worst movie ever made; some say Manos, others Plan 9 From Outer Space. Believe me, those are masterpieces of modern art compared to this "movie" (double quotes needed).

Despite the idiotic title ("I came, I saw, I had a woody") that might as well be used for an adult movie, this was probably planned to be a comedy in the style of Porky's. I say "probably", because there is absolutely nothing that even reminds you of something funny at all in this monstrosity. Imagine some of the biggest goofballs you know, imagine them throwing lines like "tomorrow it'll be Sunday and she'll give me it" (not kidding, the level does not get any funnier than that) and whose acting is quite probably worse than what you could get by just randomly recruiting people in the street. Imagine abysmal sound and video quality, non-existent plot -- it is almost amazing how it literally doesn't go anywhere -- and wanna-be sexy moments featuring either quite fat or ugly middle-aged women.

Well, if you can imagine that believe me, it is only the beginning of how atrocious this movie is. This is not even one of those movies that are so bad they are actually good, as the wanna-be funny parts are totally unfunny and either very sexist and offensive or just plain dumb. I cannot even judge the music -- there was a song, and it was an exercise in idiocy -- nor the script, because they clearly shot this "movie" without any.

Obviously nobody heard of this "movie". I myself had never heard about it until a local TV station near Milan decided to show it. The title was idiotic enough to get me curious and watch some of it. After about 40 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore.

Bottom line: if any of you is willing to see the worst movie ever made, just choose this one. It is HANDS DOWN the worst movie ever made.

Rating: 1/10 just because I can't give a 0. But just to consider this a "movie" needs some effort.