The Three Stooges (2000 TV Movie)
[from Ants in the Pantry]
Larry Fine: Oooh, I can't see, I can't see!
Moe Howard: What's the matter?
Larry Fine: I've got my eyes closed.
[Moe eye pokes Larry again]
Jack L. Warner: Good evening boys, allow me to introduce myself, Jack Warner.
Moe Howard: One of the Warner Brothers?
Jack L. Warner: *The* Warner Brothers. Enjoyed your act.
Moe Howard: Enchanted!
Larry Fine: Enraptured!
Jerome 'Curly' Howard: Embalmed!
Jerome 'Curly' Howard: I'm sorry Moe, I'm sorry I talked that way. I'm just temperamental, you know me.
Moe Howard: Yeah, 95 percent temper, 5 percent mental.
Larry Fine: [to Moe, about Shemp] Ted Healy scared the piss out of your brother and it landed on me.
Jerome 'Curly' Howard: Hey Moe, what do you mean hitting me like that?
Moe Howard: I'm sorry, Babe. I didn't mean it.
Jerome 'Curly' Howard: Next time, make it harder so they can hear it in the back row.
Jules White: My name's Jules White, Tek-no-crap.
Larry Fine: Tek-no-crap?
Jules White: That's right, I take no crap from anybody.
Guard: Haven't you heard?
Larry Fine: Heard what?
Guard: Mr. Cohen, he's dead. Had a heart attack last night in Phoenix.
Larry Fine: Guess he was human after all.
Young Moe: How old are you?
Young Shemp: Seventeen.
Young Moe: Come on, you're older than that.
Young Shemp: No, I got a birth certificate.
Young Moe: You couldn't get that dirty in seventeen years.
Young Moe: How 'about you, how old are you?
Young Jerome: I was seven. Three years in Sanford, Connecticut.
Young Moe: That makes you nine.
Young Jerome: Not 'til I get back to Connecticut...
Moe Howard: [about Curly] Pa, would ya stop singing Kaddish? It's not like he's dead, he's just going to California.
Jenny Horwitz: It's the same thing!
Moe Howard: [to Curly] Look at you, you collect these stray dogs the same way you collect stray women. At least, you don't marry the dogs.