The Ladies Man (2000)
Leon Phelps: My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society... bus station skank.
Leon Phelps: What is love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamonds? Does not the wind love the dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do not question your love. Take your lover by the hand. Release the power within yourself. Your heard me, release the power. Tame the wild cosmos with a whisper. Conquer heaven with one intimate caress. That's right don't be shy. Whip out everything you got and do it in the butt. By Leon Phelps
Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed "dabut" under your hobbies?
Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's "da butt."
[Leon is answering a call]
Leon Phelps: Yeah, well, you suffer from homo-unerectus. That means your wang is hugeified not by women but by a man.
Lance DeLune: [after blowing up Leon's house boat] Wow, we really didn't think that through.
Leon Phelps: Well, Lance, you're clearly gay. There's nothing really else to say about that. I think you all know that. And that's cool, but, you know, you were trying to oil me up and that's not really cool.
Leon Phelps: Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burgler? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.
Leon Phelps: I will probably begin with a very classy first line... something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?
Leon Phelps: Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.
Leon Phelps: Ya know, when a man works hard his entire life enduring hundreds of ladies, many of whom he does not even remember you'd like to think that at the end of the day he will be given a lot of money, without having had to earn it.