Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot9 January 2000
Malcolm Wilkerson has been labeled a boy genius and is moved, much to his chagrin, into the Krelboyne class, which is a class full of nerds and geniuses like himself.
Season 1, Episode 2: Red Dress16 January 2000
When Lois finds her red anniversary dress burnt and in the toilet, she immediately suspects Reese, Dewey and Malcolm of foul play, and chases them all over the house to try and make them fess up, while Hal waits all night at the restaurant alone.
23 January 2000
While Hal and Lois are away for the weekend, Francis, visiting home from military school, is in charge of the house. Right away his friends come over and mess it up, so Francis and the boys clean it up to show Francis is responsible and might be allowed to leave military school and come home. All goes well...until a shelf falls on Malcolm, injuring him.
Season 1, Episode 4: Shame6 February 2000
Malcolm finds himself being antagonized by a new bully, Kevin. This kid was always mocking him, teasing him, at lunch he cut right in front of him. On pizza day! But after Kevin taunted him about it one time too many, Malcolm loses it and attacks the kid, but deeply regrets it after learning his bully was 7-years-old; Hal cuts down the huge tree in the front yard, and he and the boys have just a little too much fun with the wood chipper.
13 February 2000
Malcolm adores his new job of looking after the kids of a rich family, while his own family finds themselves camping out in the yard in a trailer while the house is being fumigated. Hal and Lois are constantly at each other's throats and they're all miserable, while Malcolm has the time of his life with people who seem like the perfect family. But, are they really as perfect as they appear?
Season 1, Episode 6: Sleepover20 February 2000
Reese takes on an impossible task in order to be allowed to stay up and watch an evil puppet, while Malcolm, finding his sleepover at Stevie's a little...safe, introduces Stevie to trouble. Hal and Lois take advantage of the boys' busy evening. Meanwhile Francis, chosen as a victim by a secret cabal of tormentors, teaches them a thing or two about torture.
27 February 2000
Francis bails from military school in a desperate attempt to visit his stupid girlfriend.
12 March 2000
The family have to go to the Krelboyne class picnic. Malcolm doesn't want to go because he has to do an act and doesn't want to look bad in front of his family especially Francis who is home for the weekend. Francis promises to get Malcolm out of doing his act but meets a girl at the picnic and no longer wants to leave. Lois tries to fit in with the other parents unsuccessfully and Hal serves meat from the BBQ even though the Krelboynes all voted that there would be no meat. Reese ends up on the run from eraserheads brother who catches him in the end giving him a wedgie. When Stevie leaves his chemicals with Malcolm, Malcolm desperate to do anything to get out of his act tries to make a stink bomb but ends up making a level 3 toxic bomb. The picnic seems to be ruined until Malcolm guiltily goes up on stage to preform his act. Everyone is amazed by it especially his family. Malcolm fears they will all treat him differently but to his relief nothing has changed.
19 March 2000
Waiting in Lucky Aide for Lois to end her shift, Reese and Malcolm cause trouble, which leaves Dewey unobserved and able to nick something expensive from the store. Lois tries to make a point about "doing the right thing" and loses her job in the process. It also leaves the family with less income, bad food and Malcolm stressed out, especially because he already is in emotional despair over Julie Houlerman. Malcolm gets caught in an awkward social situation and Lois struggles between standing up to the man and providing for her family. Meanwhile Francis gets a break from the academy as honor guard for a beauty pageant. Every cadets dream come true?
2 April 2000
Hal takes the day off and the boys to the stock car races, while Francis gets into trouble with Commandant Spangler which leads to troubles with his fellow cadets, but that can not stop Francis from aiming for the next big possibility to screw up - this time it involves a Dog and a Snake. As Lois is searching for a check, she discovers more and more dirt on each family-member, hidden in the dustiest corners of the house, which she piles up for later use. Meanwhile the boys get bored at the tracks fast and get into problems on their own.
Season 1, Episode 11: Funeral9 April 2000
Aunt Helen died and the family prepares for the funeral, an occasion that doesn't go as planned. Dewey finds a stray kid, Malcolm tries to avoid going altogether, Reese tries to sink some Evidence with aunt Helen's casket, Francis tries to get involved more into family matters, Hal prepares a speech, Dewey tries to get his new friend Egg home and Lois is all about family obligations. Of course it turns out much different then anybody anticipates.
16 April 2000
While we have a chance to see the world from Dewey's very special point of view, Reese acts weird. As it turns out, he is interested in a girl and does not know how to show her how he feels. Following a misunderstood advice from Malcolm, Reese joins the cheerleader-squad. As a consequence Hal has to have "the talk" with his sons. Meanwhile in the military academy Francis gets to know Commandant Spangler on a very personal level.
30 April 2000
Malcolm sucks at street-hockey, frankly because he has no skates. So he turns to his father, who trains all his sons in the secrets of skating before he allows them to have their own pair. Neither of his bigger brother tell him about his fathers training and Malcolm gets even more anxious as Hal gets very mysterious about it all, but nothing can prepare either one of them for what is to come. Lois hurt her back terribly and has to stay in bed, which does not keep her from tyrannizing Reese and constantly trying to avoid being drugged with pain medication by her loving husband Hal. At the military academy everybody is preparing for a weekend of survival training without any comfort, except for Francis who tries to ditch his comrades.
7 May 2000
Lois takes off to visit Francis at the academy, which might makes his recent appendectomy just a little more painful. Without Lois, Hal devolves to his former bad boy personality, which turns the Robot Malcolm builds with his Krelboyne colleagues into a much more destructive power then expected.
Season 1, Episode 15: Smunday14 May 2000
The boys were grounded for a while for losing Dewey's bike and can't wait for their release, but Lois is sick in bed and mistakes Monday for Sunday. But the boys appreciate the opportunity to ditch school. A letter from the academy arrives, which would cause some trouble for Francis and the boys decide to hide it, until they find out that it was Francis that sold them out about the bike. While the boys turn against Francis, Hal is at a Porsche shop and gets tempted to buy a car he can not possibly afford.
Season 1, Episode 16: Water Park21 May 2000
The family takes a day vacation at the water-park. All except Dewey, who has to stay home with an overage babysitter, which turns out to be more fun then expected. While Malcolm and Reese get into a loop of revenge-pranks, Hal and Lois try to enjoy the day off. As Dewey's babysitter hits the dance-floor, in more then one way, the youngest member of the family sets off on his own.
5 November 2000
As the family drives home from the water-park, they get stuck in a traffic jam. While each family members tries to deal with heat, stress and boredom in their own way, Dewey is roaming the country on his own.
8 November 2000
Francis is a week late for Halloween, but that can not stop him from traditional festive vandalism, since he has the perfect plan to cause mischief in the neighborhood. Meanwhile Hal has to fight a different neighborhood nuisance, vigilante style.
12 November 2000
When Lois gives the boys $10 each to buy her a present, they decide to get something for themselves, which causes her to have grief. When Hal also forgets her birthday, Lois decides that is enough, so she escapes until the family finally decides that they need her. Meanwhile, Francis brings home a beautiful African woman.
Season 2, Episode 4: Dinner Out15 November 2000
Commandant Spangler announces his mother's visit and Francis uses the opportunity to organize a dance, for which he invites some local girls, which ends up to be a very different experience then the cadets expected. Meanwhile the Kenarbans invite the whole family to a nice dinner that turns into an evening of conflicts, as the families get to know each other better.
Season 2, Episode 5: Casino19 November 2000
The family is on a weekend-vacation in an native American casino. Francis uses this opportunity to go on vacation himself, by sneaking into his former home, but he is not the only one with that idea. While Hal, Reese and Malcolm get lost in the desert, Lois and Dewey enjoy a day of relaxation.
Season 2, Episode 6: Convention22 November 2000
Hal and Lois heads off to a convention while the boys stays home for the babysitter. Malcolm, Reese and Dewey assumed it's just another old woman, their parents hired to watch them. They decide to do a series of pranks on their babysitter, which includes the covered up sewer tank with a blanket and a book for the old woman sit on. To their surprise, their babysitter is a hot, teen-aged girl named Patty. She is sweet to them, but also bitter because she was rejected by Francis, a long time ago, because she was obese. Now the boys compete against each other to see who will prove their eldest brother wrong in his rejection and sleep with her without sex. Meanwhile at the convention, Lois tries in vain to stop the fight between Hal and Jack, who stole his idea.
Season 2, Episode 7: Robbery26 November 2000
The night shift at Lucky Aide is held hostage by two robbers, since Craig does not want to give up the combination for the store's safe. Francis tries to help a heartbroken friend at the academy, while Hal and the boys fight nature at home.
Season 2, Episode 8: Therapy29 November 2000
In an attempt to avoid the worst moments of medieval week at his Krelboyne class, Malcolm spins a delicate web of deception for the school therapist. Francis takes over the laundry at the academy and Hal discovers that his youngest, Dewey, is a natural at skittles.
10 December 2000
Malcolm gets the chance to perform at a high-school play in the lead role, leaving his friends alone with their secret project. But hanging out with high-school kids and their constant exchange of useless information has quite an impact on Malcolm's mental abilities. Lois finds herself with twenty five unexpected free minutes left on her schedule, which she uses for a massage, relaxing for the first time in her life. Hal and Dewey build a giant city out of Lego, while Francis tries to fight Commandant Spangler's tyranny with flower power.
Season 2, Episode 10: The Bully17 December 2000
Reese, promising champion of his school's wrestling team, gets beaten by a girl, completely demoralizing him. So he gives up his school-bully carrier, which destabilizes the natural oder of things at school. Francis tries to get out of academy at his birthday in an attempt to avoid academy-birthday-traditions.
7 January 2001
Malcolm accidentally hits a ball into grouchy old Mrs. Griffen's yard and, when going to retrieve it, he has a run-in with the old lady, accidentally making her fall and break her arm. As punishment, Malcolm must go over to Mrs. Griffen's house every day after school to help her out; Dewey begins carrying a purse to school rather than a back pack; Francis must deal with his screw-up friend Richie at military school.
14 January 2001
Lois and Hal try to end Dewey's dependence on his stuffed animal Domingo by convincing him that it is too dirty. Strangely attracted, Malcolm finds himself in emotional confusion about the new weird Krelboyne girl Cynthia. At the academy Commandant Spangler re-institutes old Hickory into the school's disciplinary system and Francis tries to convince his father Hal to lie for him to avoid punishment.
21 January 2001
A new family moves into the next house and the family tries to make friends with them. As it turns out, all but the two men despise each other, which leaves them living their new-found friendship in secrecy. Francis finds Commandant Spangler emotionally devastated, questioning his own accomplishments, comparing himself to a prominent visitor to the academy.
Season 2, Episode 14: Hal Quits4 February 2001
Hal feels like his job is a piece of crap after going to Dewey's class for parent job day. So he decides to take a "kidney failure" weeks off. While Francis is forced to work at the lucky aid over spring break.
11 February 2001
Lois' estranged parents, Ida and Victor, pay the family a visit. Right away, trouble starts brewing. Victor bonds with Reese, Ida gets Malcolm into a fight, and Dewey is haunted by childhood memories of his inattentive grandparents. To make matters worse, Grandpa Victor gives Reese a live grenade as a present, and worse comes to worse, the boob pulls the pin! Luckily the family survived the explosion, but their brand new, expensive refrigerator wasn't as lucky.
18 February 2001
When Lois is arrested for having 16 unpaid parking tickets, she makes Francis pay for them and fights the cop in court for falsely accusing her of something she never did.
Season 2, Episode 17: Surgery25 February 2001
Francis organizes a hunger strike to get back the academy's TV, taken away by Commandant Spangler. Meanwhile Malcolm has to go to the hospital, leaving him in the children's ward and the family without their genius middle son.
4 March 2001
In an attempt to change the usual punishment pattern for Reese, Hal signs them both up for cooking classes, which turns out to be Reese's area of genius. Meanwhile Francis gets Eric into trouble because he did not yet finish his part of their co-op history assignment. Malcolm has the best intentions when he tries to explain to Cynthia that her planned party might end up with less then expected attendance.
11 March 2001
Francis is home to repair the roof, while Reese has even more troubles with his grades then usual, although he is convinced that his Teacher Mr. Woodward is out to get him. While Dewey makes a new friend, Lois makes Malcolm tutor Reese and Malcolm soon finds out that Reese was right about Mr. Woodward all along.
Season 2, Episode 20: Bowling1 April 2001
In this special episode, we see what would happen if Lois took the kids bowling and what would happen if Hal took them bowling. Lois keeps the kids under tight watch, making Malcolm's night miserable, since he's the worst bowler in the group; Hal is on the verge of a perfect game, Reese ticks off the wrong guy and runs for his life, and Malcolm finds a girl who is attracted to him.
22 April 2001
Francis makes Reese and Malcolm fight each other and suck up to him for wrestling tickets. In the meantime Dewey takes care of Craig's cat Jellybean while he is gone to a comic convention.
Season 2, Episode 22: Mini-Bike29 April 2001
In this episode Kraig still lives in Louis and Hall's house, because his one had been burnt down. That costs a lot of things on the whole family. Meanwhile, Malcolm and his brothers find a mini-bike in the garbage. At first they argue with each other, but after their mother banned the use of the bike, they join forces against her. At the same time Hall goes to Allabama to visit his son Frencis for the Fathers-and-Sons meeting, where he expects some great achievements from his son. But what will happen after all that ?
Season 2, Episode 23: Carnival6 May 2001
The boys and Stevie take off in the evening to visit the carnival but get into trouble, while the parents go searching for them.
Season 2, Episode 24: Evacuation13 May 2001
When the family gets a new couch, Hal loses the old one on the way to the dump, causing a train accident with dire consequences for the whole neighborhood. While Hal tries to make it up to society, Dewey makes people believe he is an orphan. Reese starts a black market, while Malcolm is grounded and confined to the bunk in the emergency camp. Meanwhile Eric takes Francis on a somewhat different double-date.
Season 2, Episode 25: Flashback20 May 2001
Lois is two weeks late with her period, causing her and Hal to panic and start a big fight, while trying to keep it from the boys. And while Dewey is scared that his parents may split up, Hal and Lois remember the troubles of getting their previous four sons.
Season 3, Episode 1: Houseboat11 November 2001
The family takes a vacation with the Kenarbans, sharing a houseboat. And while Steve's parents are caught in a fight, Reese and Steve socialize with some cheerleader from a nearby spirit camp, Malcolm is stuck with Hal fishing. At the military academy, Eric turns eighteen and leaves for Alaska, inspiring Francis to do something about his situation too.
14 November 2001
Being fed up with military school, Francis gets himself legally emancipated so he can go north to Alaska with his friend Eric and become a logger. This does not sit well at all with the family.
Season 3, Episode 3: Book Club18 November 2001
Lois, in an attempt to get a break from the family, joins a book club that turns out to be a night off for frustrated housewives, but it all goes a little bit haywire. Meanwhile Francis tries to get to Alaska, learning something important about himself and about truck drivers. Hal, who tries to keep the boys out of troubles for the evening, is caught in an inner conflict about how to treat them.
28 November 2001
Francis has to stay a couple of days in a small county jail and enjoys it more then he expected. Malcolm finds himself with a girlfriend, which add to his usual social anxiety. Dewey makes friend with a new kid in the area, helping the kid's mother to compose Dewey's dream birthday party for his new friend.
Season 3, Episode 5: Charity2 December 2001
Malcolm, Reese and Dewey "volunteer" to do charity work at the local church. They soon begin bartering the many items in the church basement in exchange for money, but when the boys start making more of a profit than the church, their consciences finally catch up to them. Meanwhile, arriving in Alaska to begin working with his former classmate, Eric, Francis learns quickly that his great expectations are more like a wilderness nightmare, and his new boss, Lavernia, may be the icing on the tundra.
9 December 2001
Dewey tries to prove he can take responsibility by taking care of the class hamster for the weekend, his efforts being ignored by his parents who secretly try to wait out possible bad news from Hal's doctor. Meanwhile Reese and Malcolm try ditch home for a party and Francis has to fight Lavernia, his boss.
Season 3, Episode 7: Christmas16 December 2001
It's another Wilkerson family Christmas- Reese, Dewey and Malcolm misbehave a time too many, so Lois moves the tree and all the presents to the garage, which she called, "holding Christmas hostage". While Francis, much to his chagrin, goes to Canada to visit Grandma Ida, whose Christmas spirit was running on empty. Much like her gin bottles.
Season 3, Episode 8: Poker6 January 2002
Abe invites Hal to his poker round for the first time. Hal is very excited until he finds out this is not as much fun as he thought ... Because Hal is busy losing his money, Reese has to accompany Lois to dance class where he becomes the center of attention of the elderly ladies. Meanwhile, Malcolm and Stevie both have creative school projects - Malcolm has to write an essay, and Stevie is making a video of this, annoying his best friend to no end.
20 January 2002
Reese lands a part time job at Circus Burger, which seems like a good job. Until he meets his supervisor, Francis' dim-witted friend Richie, who, along with his co-worker cohorts, set Reese up as a patsy.
27 January 2002
Lois is completely mortified when she is called slovenly at work and is asked to dress up her appearance.
3 February 2002
Malcolm and his family go to Hal's work picnic. Hal tries to avoid meeting the new boss and in return is mistaken for the boss. Dewey eats too much candy. Malcolm meets up with a girl from his past. In Alaska, Francis goes up against a girls ice hockey team in order to earn some much needed cash.
3 February 2002
Reese and his partner from the scavenger hunt cause problems. Malcolm gets into trouble with a girl. Hal finally meets his new boss. Francis decides to cheat in the ice hockey match in order to win money. Dewey is on a sugar high.
10 February 2002
Reese goes on a high speed car chase during drivers ed.
17 February 2002
While Dewey helps his father Hal overcoming a childhood blockade, Malcolm finds out that Krelboyne Girl Cynthia changed while away for a semester in New York and accidentally tells Reese, who comes up with a devious plan to make use of the information.
3 March 2002
It's Hal's birthday and Lois has Francis come home to celebrate it with the family as a surprise. The surprise is on her and the rest of the family as Francis comes home with a wife he married in Alaska named Piama.
10 March 2002
Hal has finally made a deal with Ed for the boys to have their own computer. Unfortunately, it doesn't come without favors. They find out that Ed is a philanderer and has a ton of undeleted e-mails from the women in their neighborhood to prove it. Reese sees this as an opportunity to blackmail him to his own twisted scheme. Then, Hal decides to coach Dewey's losing team into better soccer players. Meanwhile, Piama is fed up with Lavernia mistreating Francis, and decides to make her pay for it. She steals her precious parakeet and holds it hostage until Lavernia treats her husband better.
7 April 2002
Upon coming home from school, Dewey adopts a dog named Marshmellow and decides to hold Malcolm and Reese hostage for all the things they did to him while he was growing up.
Season 3, Episode 18: Poker #221 April 2002
Hal has his friends over to his house for their poker game, and tries to impress them in the process. Reese convinces two girls that Stevie has a fatal illness. Malcolm discover something dangerous in the house. Dewey has no place to go.
Season 3, Episode 19: Clip Show28 April 2002
Hals think that Malcolm, Reese and Dewey took a joyride and wrecked the cars, so he takes them to see a therapist.
Season 3, Episode 20: Jury Duty1 May 2002
Lois has to go on jury duty, and Hal tries to figure out what case she is on. Malcolm, Reese, Dewey, and Stevie go sewer pipe exploring. Francis goes ice fishing.
Season 3, Episode 21: Cliques5 May 2002
Malcolm and the rest of the Kerlboynes are forced to re-join the rest of the school, to disastrous results. Dewey is stuck at home with chicken pox and builds a dominoes masterpiece, that Hal wants to knock down.
Season 3, Episode 22: Monkey12 May 2002
Craig hires an evil helper monkey. Reese catches a burglar and decides that he would like to try being in law enforcement. Francis and Piama are forced to leave Alaska.
Season 4, Episode 1: Zoo3 November 2002
The family goes to the zoo. Malcolm is going through a crisis, and he and Dewey find themselves in a unfortunate situation. Reese angers an animal at the zoo. Hal is jealous of a former flame of Lois's who works at the zoo.
Season 4, Episode 2: Humilithon10 November 2002
Malcolm is eager to start his first year of High School and is no longer identified as a Krebloyne, but he soon discovers that his least favorite teacher Mr. Herkabe is the new vice principal and finds it hard to distance himself from his former classmates. Meanwhile Hal and Lois sign up as parental volunteers.
17 November 2002
Malcolm and his family goes to Hals father's house for a reunion. The family doesn't like Lois. Reese and Dewey try to get in their grandfathers will. Malcolm's grandfather takes a special interest in him, while the young cousins love Francis.
24 November 2002
Malcolm stops thinking in order to go out with a very dumb girl. Hal wins some money, and rents a steamroller.
1 December 2002
Today is Malcolm's birthday and unfortunately he and Reese are in a long prank war against each other. Meanwhile Francis does battle with a legend about an evil cow at the Grotto Ranch and Hal is forced to enlist Craig Feldspar to help him with a comic book present.
15 December 2002
Malcolm sneaks around to date a girl whose father hates him; Hal and Lois become more productive when they can't have sex for a week; Dewey discovers he's an "evil twin"; Francis mediates a dispute between Otto and his cowboy neighbors.
5 January 2003
Malcolm is fed up with the fact that every time he complains, something wrong happens. He has recently got kicked off the basketball team and vows not to complain anymore. He receives good results by not complaining - he gets back on the team, negates Lois' anger by not talking back to her, and gains the respect of his girlfriend, Nicki, who shares a kiss with him. Next, Hal decides to be a speed waker and soon gets competitive with a local walker. Meanwhile, Reese wants to take Alison to a concert and the only driver he can find is Craig Feldspar. However, Craig has plans of his own for his two passengers - a hay ride and a bonfire dinner. Alison is fed up and pepper sprays him and threatens to give Reese the same treatment if he doesn't let her go her own way. He's pissed off as Craig plays his ukulele and sings a song from Air Supply.
12 January 2003
On a visit to Francis' dude ranch Hal can't help being disappointed in Francis' success, Reese and Malcolm fear Francis has turned into an overly responsible grownup, and Gretchen punishes Dewey for breaking a valuable doll.
2 February 2003
When Lois' mother visits, she trips on a leaf and decides to sue Hal and Lois...just as Lois finds out she's pregnant again.
9 February 2003
A pregnant Lois, daydreams for one day that Malcolm, Reese and Dewey are girls named, Mallory, Renee and Daisy.
Season 4, Episode 11: Long Drive2 March 2003
Lois uses a long drive with Malcolm to further his sex education; Reese spends a day in prison; Dewey plants seeds of discontent in Hal's vocal group; Francis has an accident branding Otto's favorite cow.
Season 4, Episode 12: Kicked Out9 March 2003
When Hal kicks Malcolm out of the house for misbehaving, Reese tries to take advantage of Hal's distraction to come up with a truly bad stunt of his own, and Francis takes offense when Otto's musician nephew plays a musical accompaniment to Francis' every move.
16 March 2003
Hal lands a second job at an electronics store, while Malcolm is dumbfounded by their new babysitter, who's the same age as himself.
30 March 2003
Hal spends a wild night with an old high school buddy; Malcolm tries to liberate Dabney from his mother's control; Francis spends the night with Otto when their wives are out of town.
6 April 2003
The family decides to hold a garage sale to fund repairs of the bedroom wall and Lois puts Reese in charge. Hal finds his old radio-transmitter and starts running a pirate broadcast like he once operated in college.
13 April 2003
Malcolm competes in an academic octathlon but hates the intensity of the other competitors; Hal fights to regain Dewey's love; Reese tries to get out of going to a formal dance; Francis and Piama's argument over chores proves highly contagious to other couples.
20 April 2003
As Lois and Hal write their wills in preparation for the baby's birth, they recall various colorful incidents with their four current children.
27 April 2003
When Hal and Lois go on a less-than-romantic getaway, Reese throws a party at home, which is crashed by delinquent friends of Francis, who take over the garage and hold the boys hostage.
4 May 2003
Malcolm meets a chess-playing bum who could be him in 30 years; Lois can't figure out why she's gaining weight; Dewey attributes his bizarre behavior to obeying requests from the fetus Lois is carrying; Francis objects to Piama posing nude in an art class.
11 May 2003
"Hal takes the boys to a bridal show; Lois' mother wants to move in with the family; Malcolm gets an offer to enroll in a prestigious private school.
18 May 2003
Lois continues with her strenuous labor, as friends and family all panic around her.
Season 4, Episode 22: Day Care18 May 2003
The family joins a church in order to take advantage of the free day care; Francis concocts a UFO story to help the dude ranch.
Season 5, Episode 1: Vegas2 November 2003
The family travels to Las Vegas when Hal experiences a dream about hitting the jackpot; Dewey and Reese enter an enormously obese rabbit in a contest; Lois gets to meet her favorite singer backstage; Otto and Francis get trapped in a well.
9 November 2003
When an exhausted Lois falls asleep, Hal goes out for diapers, only to be branded a shoplifter; three beautiful girls use Malcolm, Reese, and Stevie to embarrass their prom dates; Dewey tells the baby a fantastic tale to keep him from crying.
16 November 2003
Stevie goes into shock when he's told Kitty divorced Abe; Reese gets caught up in the hot-and-heavy entries in a diary, unaware it belongs to Lois; Otto and Francis have to put down an old horse; Dewey finds he likes the taste of baby food.
23 November 2003
It's another family Thanksgiving, as Reese cons Hal and Dewey to help him out with the cooking. Francis and Piama are also there, but they're not even speaking to each other. Lois tries to intervene, but it goes nowhere as Hal prevents her from intervening. Soon after, all the family members start arguing with each other, claiming that this is the worst Thanksgiving ever. Meanwhile, Kirsten has invited Malcolm to her house party. He's having a blast without his family dragging him down and calls it the best Thanksgivng he's ever had in his life.
30 November 2003
Malcolm's teacher forces him to secretly record Reese as he divulges his innermost secrets; Francis strikes back after a critic writes a scathing review about the hotel; Dewey starts his own novelty act at an outdoor mall; Hal's bosses are placed under arrest.
7 December 2003
Lois gets Malcolm a job at the store, exposing Lois's well-kept secret; Hal and some other fathers start betting on babies; and sick of the way his brothers treat him, Dewey travels to the farm to visit Francis.
14 December 2003
As Christmas approaches... a layoff at work prompts Hal to make money selling Christmas trees; Francis and Piama's peaceful holiday comes to a crashing end when Otto's German relatives show up at the ranch; and Lois tries to capture a squirrel that bit Craig.
4 January 2004
Malcolm realizes the entire neighborhood has been throwing a block party when the family leaves town for an annual vacation; Hal and Lois participate in a kielbasa-eating contest; neighborhood kids pay money for a chance at beating up Reese; and Otto acquires a device for "extracting seed" from a bull.
11 January 2004
When Malcolm becomes editor of the high school literary magazine, the principal instructs him to censor a well-written story; Lois encourages Hal to flirt with a new supervisor so he can keep his job; Francis teaches Otto how to waltz; and Reese pulls a prank on Dewey.
Season 5, Episode 10: Hot Tub25 January 2004
Lois and Hal clash after Hal purchases a hot tub; Malcolm gets his driver's permit, only to get mixed up in a dispute between Polly and her ex-boyfriend; and Reese steals Dewey's friend.
8 February 2004
Grandma Ida makes another conjugal visit at the Wilkerson house. This time she isn't alone as she walks in with her beau, Mr.Li a wealthy, widowed Chinese man whom she met at a cruise. Hal and the boys see this as an opportunity to get Ida off their backs once and for all. But Lois thinks that her mother is up to no good as usual. Meanwhile, Malcolm has just got his tongue pierced, but it gets infected right away so he can't say any words that involves an "s" in them. On the day of his grandmother's wedding, he confirms his mother's suspicions when he finds anti-depressant pills in Ida's bag.
Season 5, Episode 12: Softball15 February 2004
Malcolm volunteers for the company's softball team, only to realize that Lois is the coach; Francis sets out to prove he's not lazy; and Hal interviews for a job at a company that might be recruiting secret agents.
22 February 2004
Lois' younger sister, Susan makes a surprise visit to the Wilkerson house. Immediately, she treats Malcolm, Reese and Dewey like the sons she wishes she had with Hal instead of being single and alone. She also treats Lois as a plague in her life and blames her for being unmarried status. She tells the boys that ever since she caught their mother having sex with their father, she has refused to accept their relationship. However, Susan is plagued with a kidney disease and Lois tries to offer hers for her sister.
14 March 2004
Lois has a dispute with Hal and the boys' favorite restaurant; Malcolm clicks with his girlfriend's family... to the point where he forgets about his girlfriend; and Francis gets an assistant who tends to his every whim.
21 March 2004
Reese storms out and gets his own apartment. Francis uses the opportunity to blame Lois for all the issues in the family and Malcolm is forced to coach a jock who gets every free break in the world. The new found independence for Reese leads to an unheard of 'A', but, naturally reality comes home to bite with his novel approach to clean clothes.
28 March 2004
Lois accompanies Malcolm to his first college visit, where she clashes with a resident advisor; Reese pretends he's a drug user to woo a pretty narcotics officer; Francis and Otto open their own childcare center; and Dewey constructs his own musical instrument.
25 April 2004
Polly begins dating Abe and Craig; Malcolm refuses to believe in the power of Dewey's lucky shirt; the ranch hands make fun of Francis; and Lois takes the kids to a baseball convention.
Season 5, Episode 18: Experiment2 May 2004
Reese inadvertently perfects Malcolm and Stevie's science experiment, but can't remember how he did it; Dewey dreams up reasons for people to buy the candy he's selling door-to-door; and Francis aids a piglet.
2 May 2004
When Dewey is in danger of joining the Krelboynes; Malcolm interferes with disastrous results. While Hal 'discovers' his latest mania when he sees Craig dancing in a family restaurant.
9 May 2004
Lois has just found out that she has a half-sister named Roberta and brings Reese, Jamie and Malcolm with her to meet their aunt and cousins. Her step-mother, Sylvia comments that she looks exactly like Victor and gives her a warm welcome. Despite some nervous moments between them, they're getting along great. Lois thinks it's going to be nice, quality time with them until a furious and vengeful, Ida arrives at the house to spoil everything. She has lost the court case and demands for Victor's pension from his secret family. Meanwhile Hal and Dewey plan to go racing together, but things don't go as great as they'd expected.
16 May 2004
When Reese visits Beth at her house, he finds out that she's cheating on him with Malcolm. Distraught, he runs away and joins the Army with the other broken hearted males. Meanwhile, Hal is arrested by the FBI, for refusing to testify against his former co-worker for various dishonest acts against the company he works for. Lois is on the brink of insanity and she loses her job as a result. She gives into her insanity and takes a cold shower with her clothes on. This forces Francis and Piama to be the disciplinarians and the breadwinners of their family. Malcolm is ridden with guilt for what happened and tries to find Reese by himself. Then a unidentified officer ridden with cancer, decides to help clear Hal's name.
23 May 2004
Hal Wilkerson's trial is underway and the prosecution has a strong case against him. What's even worse is that the agent who was going to save him, testifies against him. It turns out he was using Hal all this time and it looks like he's gong to have the guilty plea. Evenutally, Malcolm realizes that his father skipped work every Friday and convinces him to testify on his behalf. During that time, Lois is sinking further into her insanity and makes paper pigs, instead of trying to defend Hal. Meanwhile, Reese starts using his head in an army simulation and reminds his teammates that they're not in jail, but grounded. He uses his expertise on the times that his brothers did to him over the years and wins against the blue team.
7 November 2004
Reese, having deserted the army is trying to find his way home. Lois discovers his fate and goes in search - eventually to the Middle East. After cornering him with the help of some locals he is dragged 'all the way' back home by his ear. Meanwhile Malcolm and Dewey try to honor his probable death by doing something Reese would do.