Julio: [Slamming Alvin against Ramundo's car] Your brother fucked us!
Ramundo: What the fuck are you doing? This is my fucking car man! This is my baby.
[Slamming Alvin against the wall]
Julio: Your brother fucked us!
Ramundo: So, Stevie's fucking my girl right?
Alvin: Well I think that's a point you're going to have to take with Stevie.
Julio: Well maybe Stevie isn't around to make a...point with anyone.
Ramundo: What the fuck are you saying?
Julio: I'm saying that Stevie didn't show.
Ramundo: Well just say it! Stop being so fucking complex!
Julio: I'm not complex, you're complex!
Alvin: Listen guys, do I have to be around for this?
[Bristol is nearly hit by a truck]
Trucker: You fucking nuts?
[shoots the trucker]
Bristol: I'm fine. Thanks for your concern.
Supervisor: Gentlemen, we owe a quarterly. Vault 23, encryption download.
Supervisor: Level five. Sonic, please.
Supervisor: Status check, please.
Guard: All secure.
Supervisor: Excellent. Carry on, gentlemen.
Agent Wooly: We checked them all. We checked the monkey house, the reptile house, the giraffe house. We even checked the outhouse.
Edgar Clenteen: Citadel 4 is the same system we use to safeguard our nuclear missile launch facilities. This guy took it apart like he was hot-wiring a Toyota.
Senator: Mr. Clenteen, exactly how many laws are we breaking here?
Edgar Clenteen: You don't want to know.
Edgar Clenteen: A wolf will starve itself to death rather than make a mistake. You have to lay down a scent that smells real from far away. And the bait has to be fresh and untouched by human hands. Make no mistake about it, we are hunting a wolf.
Edgar Clenteen: When he's served his purpose, when he draws our man out of the shadows, well, you know what happens to bait...
Stevie Sanders: Alvin, you're an ex-con, man. You just got out the penitentiary. You got 26 dollars in your pocket, 25 of it is mine!
Alvin: So I'm bouncing from toy to toy like I'm some sort of drunk dude. Mom's smiling. My father's smiling. It's all good, right? Then around 8:30, cops show up. Take the toys, take my father. But for about two and a half hours I had a very, very happy childhood.
Agent Boyle: [after overhearing sex talk featuring fruit] Okay, I think I'm gonna go to Starbucks and get a Mango Grande.
Edgar Clenteen: We just gotta keep him clean for a few more days.
Agent Wooly: How much money?
Edgar Clenteen: Sixty-five hundred.
Agent Wooly: Wouldn't it be cheaper to just send him to NYU?
Alvin: When you get your money, I think you need to get an anger management class.
Alvin: [tied up] Let me get this straight: the offer is a million dollars, or you kill me.
Alvin: You know, a million dollars ain't what it used to be, with taxes...