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12 out of 15 people found the following review useful: No gore, no good acting, no suspense, no surprises Python, 25 March 2001 Author: Mathias (experten) from Stockholm, Sweden
There are good animal-horror movies like the first class movie Jaws. There are other animal-horror movies that are not first class but still entertaining enough, like They Nest, Slugs and Anaconda.But most of the animal-horror movies are bad and Python is one of the worst.Some movies have a predictable plot, but can still be exciting, because they are well made and make you nervous as you wait for something expected but terrible to happen. Python is certainly predictable, but it is not well made and it never gets exciting. The only entertainment you can get is to marvel over how bad it is.The snake itself doesn't look bad, but it doesn't look like it fits into the movie. It looks computer generated and it is so big that it is laughable.There are no gore scenes to compensate for lousy and exaggerated acting. Van Dien has never showed good acting but here he is so bad that it is obvious that he got instructions from a director without talent.Some of the roles seem to be created for comical relief (the stupid cop and the unbelievable woman that is buying a house) but they are not funny, only irritating, unconvincing and exaggerated.The plot is not only predictable, it´s also full of logical errors such as: Why would the government leave explosives in an abandoned laboratory? If the snake is so big and powerful, why keep it in a box of wood? If the snake can move with the laughable speed of 50 mph and you can see that it moves fast (although not that fast), why is it so slow when it is chasing people that it seems to take forever for it to catch up? If you are chased by a gigantic snake would you stop to check out what looks like a small house? If you went in would you forget to close the door? Of course it just happens to be a special house. How can the snake hear things? Did the obligatory mad scientist provide it with ears? I am prepared to oversee some mistakes in a movie, but there are no good scenes in Python that make it worth to see. My rating of this movie is 1, awful.
8 out of 9 people found the following review useful: A New Definition In Dumb, 21 June 2002 Author: Bayjohn from Mississippi
If you are looking for a good Sci-Fi or Horror film, this is not the movie to see. If you are looking for a stupid, low-budget film to mock (like MST3K fans), then this is your movie.The low budget is very evident in the scenery, or lack thereof. The acting is atrocious, and that is surprising considering the talent involved in this project. Casper Van Diem is horribly miscast as a southern business executive that works in Washington state. Casper's accent is beyond fake and his lines are delivered way over the top! Robert Englund must have needed the money...enough said.The effects are pretty good, considering the budget. The computer generated effects seem to be top notch, but the snake moves too fast to be believable. The fx guys do use a prop snake tail in some scenes and it is very noticable in every scene it is used.Granted, the director did use tongue-in-cheek humor in a self-mockingly way throughout this film. However, the viewer will have the impression that the director wasn't entirely sure he was making a comedy or a horror movie after seeing this film.If a cheesy film is what you're in the mood for tonight, see this movie. Otherwise, stay clear.
11 out of 15 people found the following review useful: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, 30 September 2001 Author: Brandy-28 from Los Angeles
I don't think I have ever seen a more stupid movie in all my life. Now I have to admit - I always - ALWAYS - go into a movie or video with my head and eyes open to everything. I don't look at the lighting or listen to the script or look for any kind a flaw in the making of any picture. But sometimes you just want to kill certain characters in this movie. Didn't you. I COULD NOT STAND THAT DEPUTY that kept on pointing the finger at the biker guy as the murderer of those people. This movie was just plain dumb and the ending was even more dumb. It was like they were all posing for pictures and talking at the same time. Acting 101 - this is what this cast seemed to have just finished before starting this film.
5 out of 5 people found the following review useful: WoW!, 19 March 2002 Author: husky420 from Storrs, Connecticut
It is quite rare in this world to come upon a stroke of pure genius such as Python. Superb acting, a plot with more turns than a meter stick, and the special effects...Oh the special effects. Lets just say that George Lucas better watch out cuz the lead animator of Python Kevin Little is on his ass! So what if Johnny from Karate Kid is in it. So what if their plan to kill the snake was as half assed as they come( the guy took his harness off to put another one on!). Who cares if they out ran a snake that supposedly goes 50mph on bikes...which they made sure to put their helmets on before riding. And the ending...The ending was pure cinematic genius. I mean a bike shop/bar. Why haven't I come up with this idea. I could sell bikes and drink beer at the same time. That's unbelievable. And she's pregnant! Hooray! What is that about huh? Is she having mutant half snake half Johnny from karate kid babies? Why do we need to know this! And six months? It took that douche six months to get this ugly beast in the sack! I mean come on. If they are gonna be casting a female lead would you pick this chick! They had Jenny McCarthy in the movie for 2 minutes ( which were excruciating by the way) and they have this hose beast in the lead female role. What up wit dat! This was atrocious!Stay Black,Jamal the Love Mule
4 out of 4 people found the following review useful: Fun Flick, 25 August 2006 Author: lcri-1 from United States
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Python certainly isn't art, and it's not gonna win any awards. However, it IS a fun little movie for a night with some soda (or, if you're old enough, beer) and popcorn. The snake changes size many times, (at one point it hides in a garage behind some boxes, but he is then suddenly 15X the length of a car.)and even the marketing is messed up-the cover says it's "sixty feet of pure terror", but the scientist in the movie says it's 128 feet long. The acting isn't the greatest and the CGI is terrible (the snake's "acid" looks like expired Jell-O), but the movie is a good one to watch and let your brain go on autopilot. For B-Movie fans, or people who thought Anaconda didn't have enough stupid jokes, this one is an absolute must-see.
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful: Python, 3 July 2007 Author: Scarecrow-88 from United States
The town of Ruby and it's surrounding country-side are terrorized by a giant python created by the typical secret government organization called Biogene which was released after a plane carrying it crash-lands. Dr. Anton Rudolph(Robert Englund, who gets all the theatrical dialogue), who had a part in creating this massive reptile through variations of serpents, informs Agent-in-charge Bart Parker(Casper Van Dien, far removed from "Starship Troopers" or "Sleepy Hollow")that it's practically unkillable and very fast with a nasty venomous acid-spit you wouldn't believe. Pro-biker John(Frayne Rosanoff)and deputy Greg(William Zabka, known for playing blonde haired bullying punks in the 80's such as in "Karate Kid" & "Back to School")who have angst over a chick named Kristin(Dana Barron, one of many variations of Griswald daughter Audrey in "National Lampoon's Vacation")must join forces to stop the python.Could easily play on Sci-fi channel with it's low quality computer effects of the monstrous python. The python really is never convincing which makes the film play rather cheesy instead at all scary. The flick benefits from a cast of recognizable faces. Star Trek The Next Generation's Wil Wheaton plays a real-estate agent wannabe sporting a pink hair-do, Jenny McCarthy stops by to play a wealthy widow sexpot, Sean Whalen is a Barney Fife deputy, and Gary Grubbs(my favorite of the cast who I enjoyed every moment he was on-screen)as Sheriff Griffin Wade.
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful: Ohh, it's a Kill The Celebrities Movie!, 5 July 2004 Author: dahstra from Utah, USA
Anaconda turned me off of snake movies, but I decided to see this one because Casper's in it. My last impression of the movie during the credits was, "ohh, it's a Kill The Celebrities Movie!" It was fun to see so many celebrities, Van Dien, Englund, Wheaton, Zabka, but only ONE of them survives! The snake's special effects weren't bad as long as it wasn't a close up. Actually, I wish that the special effects for Mummy II (The Scorpion King) had been done as well as this snake (there was a joke). The gore (acid eaten bodies) actually looked cool and I was happy there weren't any close ups of those. The gore from the snake's death was less than I expected because of the scene's setup. It wasn't very climactic. But hey, maybe that's what REALLY would have happened. The very end shows all of the survivors six months later. There was NO point to that. I'd have expected to see some "hint" at another movie, but no. It was just, look how happy every one is after this and they've achieved all their dreams. Warm and fuzzy, but it didn't propel the storyline. Good Saturday afternoon movie to relax to after you finish mowing the lawn.
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful: Greatest Movie Ever!!!!! (ok just kidding!), 24 February 2002 Author: irishbabe
Ok, so this movie was a piece of trash. The snake, which only appeared two or three times in the whole movie, looked like the graphics from a Super Nintendo. And the writing sounded like it was written by people from Sesame Street. And let's not even talk about the random lesbian scene at the beginning of the movie, (I don't even know where to start with that one.) But COME ON!!!!! WIL WHEATON!!!!! How could you not like a movie that has Wil Wheaton in it. This purple hair really did something for me. I know I would like to buy a house from some punk kid with purple hair. And that death scene. That should have won an oscar! It isn't everyday that you see Wesley Crusher butted into a wall and then eaten by a giant venom spitting Python. This is just a fun movie to watch. Watch it with some friends. It is a hoot!
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful: Ugh!! if that's not bad.. I don't know what is!!, 17 August 2001 Author: Funky_Casanova
I don't know about you guys, but this is the worst snake movie I have ever seen. It has a lot of bad acting and even a worse script! We rented the movie and watched it at home and I wish we didn't. It was a complete waste of time!
5 out of 7 people found the following review useful: Dumb and incredibly cheesy, 12 June 2005 Author: Coventry from the Draconian Swamp of Unholy Souls
I wonder on which planet the makers were staying around the time "Anaconda" flopped... That movie clearly proved like no other that it's a bad idea to make a horror film about a giant terrorizing snake, but at least it had a fairly interesting cast and a neat jungle-setting. "Python"...has absolutely nothing going for it. The premise once again handles about a twisted doctor who saw a potentially great military weapon in the hunting & defense mechanisms of this snake-species, so he created an exaggeratedly large and ferocious mutant specimen. The 'animal' naturally escapes during transport and our doctor allows it to devour an entire remote community, rather than to destroy his unique discovery. "Python" is a rapidly paced and weakly scripted attempt to cash in on the popular revival of the creature-features, but even the least demanding horror fans will consider it a waste of time. The giant snake looks incredibly ridiculous and the make-up effects couldn't be cheesier. The typical hillbillies-gags aren't funny and the forced happy-ending really looks pathetic. The cast is stuffed with have-been B-actors, like Casper Van Dien (here's a guy who should really consider a career change), Robert Englund, Sean Whalen and Will Wheaton. There also is a cameo for Jenny McCarthy as a sex-hungry rich girl...Now that must have been a difficult casting choice. Avoid watching"Python" at all costs, unless you're planning to get really drunk first.
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