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The Mummy Returns (2001) Poster

Quotes

Ardeth Bay: [to Alex] By putting this on, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.

[Alex gasps]

Rick: [to Ardeth] You, lighten up.

[to Alex]

Rick: You, big trouble.

[to Jonathan]

Rick: You, get in the car.

Rick: [Evelyn drags a bench to block the museum's entrance] Honey, what are you doing? These guys don't use doors.

Evelyn: No harm ever came from opening a chest

Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?

Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.

Rick: Great for him.

Evelyn: So did Caesar.

Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.

Evelyn: And Napoleon.

Rick: Yeah, but, we're smarter than him. And taller, too.

Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.

Rick: Because we're taller?

Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.

Jonathan: I can do that!

Alex: Protect the car? Come on, dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.

Rick: I know.

Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!

Rick: Ehh...

Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.

Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.

Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.

Alex: [as Evy fights Imhotep's followers with a sword] Whoa, mom! When did you learn to do that?

Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.

[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin, and decks him with a right hook]

Evelyn: That I learned from your father!

Alex: Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah: No.

Alex: Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah: No.

Alex: Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah: No.

Alex: Are we...

[Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alex's fingers]

Alex: Whoa, that was amazing! Perfect aim.

Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed.

Evelyn: Jonathan.

Jonathan: Yes?

Evelyn: That's my husband and my son down there. Make me proud.

Jonathan: Today's that day, Evy.

Izzy: [on seeing Izzy's dirigible, Rick draws his gun] Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet, real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.

[lowers voice]

Izzy: Unless of course we go with your approach: barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!

Alex: Hey. The Book of the Dead.

Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.

Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?

Lock-Nah: Silence!

Meela: Because your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes in your bed while you were sleeping.

Rick: [witnessing Imhotep's resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.

Jacques: This place... is cursed.

Red: What is it with you and curses?

Spivey: He ain't happy without a good curse.

[mockingly]

Spivey: This is cursed. That is cursed.

Ardeth Bay: There is a fine line between coincidence and fate.

Rick: [Rick comes in and sees Jonathan being interrogated by thugs] Uh, hello. Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties.

Jonathan: Well, when you're popular...

Rick: Okay - you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess...

Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.

Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that doesn't happen?

Rick: [talking about Alex] I swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.

Evelyn: You mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?

Rick: No. He's driving me crazy.

Jonathan: [Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground] Look! There's a burial ground. We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.

Shafek: You are sure?

Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure.

[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]

Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.

Alex: [trying to start the car] Come on, come on!

[Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]

Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!

Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!

Rick: Let me guess, it was commanded by this Scorpion King guy?

Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.

Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.

Evelyn: How did you know?

Rick: I didn't, but that's always the story.

Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.

Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.

Evelyn: How did you know?

Rick: I didn't, but that's always the story.

Jonathan: I say chaps, look at this. Shrunken heads. I'd love to know how they do that.

[Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan]

Jonathan: Just curious.

Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!

Rick: We? What we?

Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis!

Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?

Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.

Jonathan: Ah, the old "Wipe-Out-The-World" ploy.

Rick: [Evelyn has just kicked a poisonous snake towards Rick] Those are poisonous, you know.

Evelyn: Only if they bite you.

Evelyn: [Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere] I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.

Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. We just got home.

Evelyn: That's the beauty of it, we're already packed.

Rick: Why don't you just give me one good reason.

Evelyn: It's just an oasis. Darling. A beautiful, exciting, romantic oasis.

Rick: The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and - we could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.

Evelyn: Sounds good.

Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?

Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.

Rick: Ah, ya. see. I knew there's a catch. There's always a catch.

Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?

Evelyn: Bank job?

Rick: It's not like it sounds.

Izzy: Oh it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.

Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.

Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.

Rick: Right, she's a reincarnated princess and I'm a warrior for God?

Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.

Evelyn: But how does the story end?

Ardeth Bay: Only the journey is written, not the destination.

Rick: Convenient.

Izzy: Isn't she beautiful?

Rick: It's a balloon!

Izzy: Ach, it's a dirigible.

Rick: Where's your airplane?

Izzy: Hah, airplanes are a thing of the past.

Rick: Izzy, you were right.

Izzy: I was?

Rick: Yeah.

[draws pistol]

Rick: You're gonna get shot.

Lock-Nah: When the time comes I shall truly enjoy killing you.

Alex: But until that time, you better be a *little* nicer to me. Now where's my water?

[Lock-Nah shoves a pitcher of water into Alex's hands]

Alex: No ice?

Anck Su Namun: [Evie's flashback; Princess Nefertiri falls during her duel with Anck Su Namun and lifts her mask]

[lifts her own mask]

Anck Su Namun: Put your mask on! Let's not scar that pretty face.

Jonathan: What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

Alex: You're asking me? I'm only 8 years old, for Christ's sake!

Rick: Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him. But this is my house. I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.

Ardeth Bay: Wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.

Alex: [Alex rips the picture out of Ardeth's hands] Hey, I know him. He's the curator. He works at the British Museum.

Ardeth Bay: Are you sure?

Rick: You better believe him, he spends more time there then he does at home.

Alex: My dad is going to kick your ass.

Imhotep: I do not think so.

Izzy: [to Rick] Whatever it is, whatever you need, I don't care. Forget it, O'Connell. Every time I hook up with you, I get shot. Last time I got shot in the ass. I'm in mourning for my ass!

Rick: [about the fire torch Evie is holding] You know if you move that fast enough, you can almost write your name?

Rick: [after crashing through London and fighting off the Mummy soldiers] You all right?

Ardeth Bay: This was my first bus ride.

Alex: Sucker weighs a goddang ton.

Evelyn: Alex, watch your language!

Alex: Rather weighty, this.

Rick: [Rick opens up his trunk] You want the shotgun?

Ardeth Bay: No, I prefer the Thompson.

Ardeth Bay: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.

Baltus Hafez, the Curator: [after the Scorpion King grabs him] My lord, save me. Save me.

Imhotep: Why?

Jonathan: Pull me up. Pull me up.

[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]

Jonathan: Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down.

Rick: It's not worth your life, you idiot.

Jonathan: Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Izzy: O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?

Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.

Izzy: [after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on O'Connell]

[furious]

Izzy: O'Connell, you almost got me killed!

Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.

Evelyn: [Izzy is about to say more, when Evie grabs him and smothers his face with kisses] Izzy, thank you! Thank you!

Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?

Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.

Ardeth Bay: [as Jonathan loads his rifle] You any good with that?

Jonathan: Five times Fox and Hounds Grand Champion, I'll have you know!

[nods at Ardeth's scimitar]

Jonathan: You any good with that?

Ardeth Bay: We'll know soon enough.

[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand, out of his belt, and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]

Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.

Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.

Rick: Thought I almost lost you.

Evelyn: For a moment there you did.

Evelyn: Do you want to know what heaven looks like?

Rick: Later.

Alex: Oh please!

Rick: Go to hell and take your friends with you.

Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?

Evelyn: [Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus] Alex.

Rick: What's the matter with my car?

Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.

Rick: A double-decker bus?

Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea.

Alex: Was not!

Jonathan: Was too!

Rick: Just go!

Alex: Was not!

Jonathan: Was too!

Rick: [about mummified soldiers] Oh no, not these guys again.

Rick: [when Mummys appears] Oh, I hate these guys.

Lock-Nah: The Book Of The Dead gives life.

Meela: And The Book Of The Living takes life away.

Lock-Nah: I thought that was my job.

Ardeth Bay: Whomever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the underworld, or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth!

Rick: So that's why they dug up Imhotep, 'cause he's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.

Ardeth Bay: That is their plan.

Ardeth Bay: [Rick, Ardeth and the others are being pursued by Imhotep's soldier-mummies] Glad to see me now?

Rick: Just like old times, huh?

Rick: [sees hieroglyphic of warrior with a tattoo like his] OK, NOW I'm a believer!

Meela: [as Evy and Meela square off] Nefertiri.

Evelyn: Anck-su-namun.

Meela: [smiles] Good.

Baltus Hafez, the Curator: [as Meela walks toward Imhotep and Evie has a flashback] Do not be frightened.

Meela: I am not afraid.

[in ancient Egyptian]

Meela: I am Anck Su Namun reincarnated!

Imhotep: Only in body, but soon I will bring your soul back from the Underworld and our love shall once again be whole.

Jonathan: [after seeing Alex crying about his moms death] Try to think of it like this, Alex. She's gone to a better place. You know, like it says in the Good Book.

Alex: Book!

Jonathan: What?

Alex: That's it! That's it!

Jonathan: That's what?

Alex: [Jumps up and grabs Jonathan] Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!

Jonathan: [to Ardeth Bay] Where is all this stuff written?

Red: Get out of my way. Get out of my way. Get out of my way, or I'm gonna shoot you in the face.

Spivey: He means it. He shot someone before!

Alex: [while Jonathan is fighting Meela] Efday shokran... efday shokran... Uncle Jon! I don't know what this last symbol is!

Jonathan: What does it look like?

Alex: It's a bird - a stork!

Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!

Alex: Then what is it?

Jonathan: [struggling with Meela] Ah... Ah...!

[throws her off]

Jonathan: [triumphantly] Amenophus!

Anck Su Namun: [Evie's flashback, after Anck Su Namun wins the duel with Nefertiri] You are learning quickly, Nefertiri. I'll have to watch my back.

Princess Nefertiri: Yes. And I'll watch mine.

Rick: This is bad, Evy.

Evelyn: We've had bad before.

Rick: This is worse.

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Jonathan: I told you. I told you.

Meela: And your point is...?

Jonathan: My point is, I told you so you wouldn't kill me.

Meela: When did we make that arrangement?

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Rick: Okay, now you're starting to scare me.

Evelyn: Now I'm starting to scare myself.

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Rick: [O'Connell sees mummified soldiers destroying his car] No, no, not my car! Oh, I hate mummies.

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Izzy: This thing was filled with gas. Not hot air - gas. I need gas to get this thing off the ground. Where am I gonna get gas from around here? Huh? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzan's ass? Well maybe I can finagle it to take hot air. But do you know how many cubic meters I'd need? I mean, it's too big!

Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... it's you.

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Rick: Alex?

Alex: What were you thinking, a mummy had come back to life?

Rick: I'll tell you a story some time.

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Evelyn: Alex, I'm serious, if you've lost that key, you're grounded.

Alex: I haven't lost it, I just can't find it. There's a difference.

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Rick: What'd you do this time?

Jonathan: Well, I haven't done anything to anybody

[bullets fly through the door]

Jonathan: ... lately.

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Izzy: O'Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.

Rick: Didn't we do that in Tripoli?

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Evelyn: Would you like to know what heaven looks like?

Rick: Later.

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Ardeth Bay: [on seeing Rick's tattoo] If I were to say to you that, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...

Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek."

Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.

Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.

Ardeth Bay: That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.

Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

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Lock-Nah: [about Alex] NOW may I kill him?

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Evelyn: [trying to convince Rick] That's why I love you.

Rick: Nice try.

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Alex: [Alex has just destroyed a temple] Mom, dad, I can explain *everything*.

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Izzy: Well that's not good.

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[last lines]

Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.

Jonathan: What?

Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.

Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!

Jonathan: No, I have no id- I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy: You haven't - you ain't got a wife!

Jonathan: I haven't got your gold stick either!

[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]

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Rick: You know, it's not easy being a... dad.

Alex: Yeah. But you do it real good.

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Imhotep: [Imhotep is being attacked by the Scorpion King] I am your servant. I am your servant.

The Scorpion King: We shall see.

Imhotep: [points at Rick] But *he* was sent to kill you!

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Evelyn: [to Imhotep] You wait! I'll put you in your grave again!

Baltus Hafez, the Curator: [to Evelyn] Our thinking was, not if we put you in your grave first.

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Evelyn: Those knickers are not mine.

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Imhotep: The sands of time have already begun to pour against you.

Alex: Yeah, yeah, I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have before the Scorpion King wakes up.

Imhotep: Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning, that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?

Alex: That part I missed.

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Jonathan: Step aside, Alex... I'm a professional.

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Ardeth Bay: Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?

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Rick: Have I kissed you today?

[does]

Rick: I hate it when you do that.

Rick: [grins] Why?

Evelyn: It makes me feel like agreeing to anything.

Rick: Anything?

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Izzy: You're not exactly catching me at my best...

Evelyn: Oh... I'm sure I am.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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