Judging Amy (1999–2005)
Interior Decorator: Usually I'm so perceptive of people. Come on... what's changed?
Maxine: Two weeks ago my fiancée died of a heart attack 48 hours before we were to be wed. Also, I've cut my hair.
Amy Gray: [after being shouted out, Maxine rushes into the kitchen] Mom, are you OK?
Maxine Gray: [trying not to laugh] Of course, but I am 65 years old, and my boyfriend's mother hates me
Maxine: Men look in the mirror just as much as women do. They just conclude they always look great.
Board Member: We're a little concerned that your director is a drug addict.
Maxine Gray: No, my director is a former drug addict. I myself am a former high school student, and everyone here used to poop in your pants. What's your point?
Maxine: By the way, I'm getting married a week from Saturday. I expect you to be there.
Sean Potter: A week from Saturday? Maxine, why are you getting married a week from Saturday?
Maxine: So I can have sex, Sean. Why else would anyone get married?
Maxine Gray: [Amy has been in bed with the flu for several days] Amy? I brought you some chicken soup. How do you feel?
Amy Gray: Horrible. I've been seeing things. It's like being on acid.
[notices the look on Maxine's face]
Amy Gray: If I'd ever done acid.
Lauen Cassidy: What's anorexia?
Maxine: It's a disease women get by reading magazines.
Maxine Gray: Never wear fire for a hat... I haven't any idea what it means. I read it in a bathroom stall once and it stuck with me.