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I spotted this gem while browsing the dollar isle at my local discount grocery store. It was between some Smurf air fresheners left over from the 80's and an assortment of kitchen magnets that claimed to be guaranteed for life. After pondering the scenario under which one might possibly send a kitchen magnet back for repairs, I was enticed into picking up this DVD. I was surprised that given the captivating description of a battle between humans and "Robotic Replicants" in a future New York, the price would only be one dollar. "They must be crazy" I muttered, and dashed off to the cashier with my prize. All the way home I envisioned cyborg warriors clashing amidst blood and guts of the weaker humans as they dominated futuristic city landscapes littered with tell-tale trademarks of the once proud NYC. My dream was shattered in the opening scene and never recovered. After a barrage of stock footage that looked like it was designed to lure nerds into joining the audio-video club in high school, my senses were assaulted by what seemed to me to be a typical sunny day in The Big Apple complete with WTC shots and vacation-like panning of NYC architecture. Where were the futuristic landscapes? Shouldn't the city be an apocalyptic shell of itself? Just when I thought things couldn't seem further from the morbid vision of the future I was led to believe I would see, I was switched to a bad video of two guys running through some bushes with all the seriousness of a weekend paint ball tournament.
As the "plot" developed I began wondering if there was any possibility that Smurf air fresheners might one day come back in vogue and if perchance I may have purchased the wrong item. After trudging through scenes of bad actors doing what they do best ... acting badly, I realized that this movie may have been made simply to show off Margit Evelyn Newton's thighs as she sported her seemingly futuristic shiny leather suit. More bad acting was accentuated by action scenes that make Walker Texas Ranger fight scenes look like high-tech special effect wizardly. Then came one of the most grueling and monotonous scenes this side of an Andy Warhol film ... black man (is that really the most inventive name the writers could come up with?) begins training the new sheriff using such futuristic techniques as running through potato sacks and banging a pipe on a railing for what seemed like an eternity while spewing insults that wouldn't motivate a boy scout to rub two sticks together. On to the target practice scene where the new guy shoots at a slide show. More special effect pyrotechnics from the high school AV club!
Eventually I yawned my way through to the rape scene. Yes rape is still a crime in the future and robots are in on the act. For the first time the movie seems to want the viewers attention! Sure they have to resort to the gratuitous naked breast shot and "woman with lustful look of pleasure on her face" shot but after all they know what the public wants. Why would a grubby biker-robot want to rape a human woman? And why would a sexily clad female robot get her rocks off watching it? These and many other questions such as "How does one break a refrigerator magnet anyhow? Can a refrigerator magnet actually wear out?" kept rolling through my head as I stared blankly into the glowing screen before me. More scenes of guys using walkie-talkies that look like shoe boxes with lightning rods attached. Obviously at some point in the future miniaturization of electronic components becomes lame and everyone goes in for the retro look of the 50's. Suddenly everyone is running Willy-nilly through abandon factories with a lot of rusty machine stuff around. Rusty machine stuff is a must-have for any futuristic movie worth its salt so I guess the producers figured they might as well throw it in to take up time in the least expensive way.
The next scene involves bad robots behaving badly by watching a video tape of the rape scene again. Sort of a cyborg porno group type thing that gives Margit Evelyn Newton a reason to heave her breasts wanting and toss a few more "woman with lustful look of pleasure on her face" shots in ... just in case anyone was still watching. Hitch that to a scene of her undressing, then dressing for bed, then being undressed by a male robot, and you have about the most intense 2 minutes that this movie can pull off
... if you pardon the expression.
It never gets any better, bad gun fight scenes and poorly choreographed fight scenes pepper their way through this mish mash of cinematic slop until I was left begging for it to end and wishing I bought the refrigerator magnets.
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