What Women Want (2000)
Nick Marshall: What's the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years a job still sucks.
[looking distractedly in refrigerator]
Nick Marshall: What am I doing? She's not in the refrigerator.
Nick Marshall: I can see elegant parties...
Darcy McGuire: You can see all that?
Nick Marshall: Well, maybe you're naked and I'm the only guest, but it's still elegant.
Darcy McGuire: What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?
Nick Marshall: [while walking to his apartment he sees Lola] Lola.
Lola: [muttering to herself] It's okay, it's okay. Okay, here he comes.
Nick Marshall: Lola?
Lola: I know I haven't heard from you.
Nick Marshall: Lola, how long have you been out here?
Lola: Just a few... hours. Nick, you said that you wouldn't hurt me, and then you slept with me, and then you didn't call me for six days, and that, in the world of me, that's torture.
[Puts her hands between her hair]
Lola: I mean, we have this, totally unbelievable, life-altering sex,
[Puts her hands down]
Lola: you disappear! I mean, you stopped drinking coffee!
Nick Marshall: Lola. I'm so sorry.
Lola: It's ok. It's ok, because I figured you your little secret.
Nick Marshall: You did?
Lola: It's so obvious when you think about it; how else would you know the things that you know?
Nick Marshall: It wasn't so obvious to anyone else.
Lola: Nick, come on. You're so sensitive, you're so aware of my feelings, you're so tuned in. You talk to me like a woman, you think like a woman; Nick! Come on! Admit it, you're totally and completely gay!
Nick Marshall: I am?
Lola: You're not? Oh, I mean if you're not, you gotta tell me. You gotta tell me. I mean, based on the other night, just, just put me out of my misery. Are you? Or aren't you?
Lola: Say you're gay, then I'm not nuts, not undesirable, not rejected by another guy, just say it, say you're gay, ADMIT IT!
Nick Marshall: Ok.
Nick Marshall: I'm gay.
Lola: [shakes her head] How gay?
Nick Marshall: [groans] I'm as gay as it gets.
Lola: [pauses] You're gonna make some guy very happy someday.
Nick Marshall: [Groans again] From your lips.
Lola: Uhh. I hate that I'm crying. Well, lookit, if things should ever change in that department...
Nick Marshall: Oh, you'll be the first to know.
Nick Marshall: I promise. Come here.
Lola: You talk to me like a woman, you think like a woman. Nick, come on, admit it. You're totally and completely gay!
Darcy McGuire: You wore control-top pantyhose?
Nick Marshall: Did you put a pair in the pink box?
Darcy McGuire: [laughs] And how did you look in them?
Nick Marshall: Hot.
Darcy McGuire: That's it?
Nick Marshall: I don't want that to be it. I don't want that to be it at all.
Darcy McGuire: Then don't let a little thing like me firing you stand in your way. I didn't know what to react to first. Hey, news flash, I took the wrong road. What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?
Nick Marshall: [sigh] My hero.
Nick Marshall: Okay, gotta think like a broad, gotta think like a broad... okay. I'm a broad...
[closes his eyes]
Nick Marshall: I see... lipstick. On a Tahitian beauty under a waterfall, wearing nothing by a thong, cold water cascading down her ba...
Nick Marshall: [his eyes pop open] I'm a lesbian!
Male Coffee Shop Customer: [Nick has just talked Lola into a date] That was inspiring!
Nick Marshall: I know.
Lola: [after she and Nick have had sex] AMAZING! Amazing! Ohhh! It was like, you were more inside me than anybody. Ever!
Nick Marshall: Well thanks, doll. I try.
Lola: No! No. I mean more inside my head! Like, you knew what I wanted and how I wanted it...
Lola: We connected in a way that was beyond... Beyond!
Lola: Oh, my heart. My heart is beating so hard.
Lola: [inner thoughts] Who would have thought? Slow starter then turns out to be a genius in bed! Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Marshall is A SEX GOD!
Nick Marshall: Oh, yeah.
Lola: [inner thoughts] Hubba, hubba, here he comes, looking awfully good today! And I haven't had sex in 4 months... okay, 6. Ooooh, why do I attempt to stop him asking me out, I'm an idiot, idiot, IDIOT!
Lola: Hey Nick, how's it goin?
Nick Marshall: Lola, my love. I can't take "no" for an answer.
Lola: About what?
Nick Marshall: "About what."
Nick Marshall: About us.
Lola: [inner thoughts] Oh, just don't hurt me, Nick; I've been hurt too many times.
Nick Marshall: I know how hard it is to go out with someone new. I mean, there's always that fear of... well... getting hurt. At least that's how I feel inside.
Lola: Do you really?
Nick Marshall: All the time.
Lola: Me too all the time!
Nick Marshall: So, let's just take it slow, and see how it goes.
Lola: Slow is good. Slow is really good.
Nick Marshall: Yeah.
Lola: [giggles] You free tonight?
Nick Marshall: There's way too much estrogen on television these days.
Nick Marshall: [singing along to music] I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm her brother, It's a charmer as I volumize my hair, I am not aware.
Inner Voice of poodle: [thought Nick hears] Monsieur, I have to poop.
Darcy McGuire: [voiceover] No games. How do I get that in? She's running. It's early, it's quiet. Just the sound of her feet on the asphalt. She likes to run alone. No pressure, no stress. This is the one place she can be herself. Look any way she wants, dress, think any way she wants. No game playing, no rules. Games, sports, rules. Games, sports, rules. Playing by the rules. Playing games versus playing - Playing by the rules. Playing games versus playing.
Darcy McGuire: Why are you nodding?
Nick Marshall: Because you're onto something.
Darcy McGuire: Am I?
Nick Marshall: Aren't you?
Darcy McGuire: Well, I was thinking about a play on words. Something about games versus - I feel like I was onto something good.
Nick Marshall: Playing games versus playing - sports?
Darcy McGuire: Yes! Thank you. Do you like any of this?
Nick Marshall: A lot. I like the idea that you can be yourself on the road.
Darcy McGuire: I do too.
[V.O.: Did I say that out loud?]
Nick Marshall: [stammering] No, I was just...
Darcy McGuire: 'Cause I was circling around the exact same thing.
Nick Marshall: Which is great, we're on the same - yeah.
Darcy McGuire: Sorry, I'm not thinking straight. My glands may be swollen.
Nick Marshall: Maybe they should be more swollen. You're doing great. Nike. No games.
Darcy McGuire: Just sports.
Flo the Doorwoman: [opening the door] Mr. Marshall.
Nick Marshall: Morning, Flo.
Flo the Doorwoman: Let me get you a cab, sir.
Nick Marshall: Sure.
Flo the Doorwoman: [Whistles loudly for cab]
Nick Marshall: Thank you.
Flo the Doorwoman: [noticing his tush, says in her mind] Your welcome, my little sweet ass.
Nick Marshall: [hearing her thought but not entirely aware of his new found gift] What did you say?
Flo the Doorwoman: Me? Nothing.
Nick Marshall: Ya sure?
Flo the Doorwoman: Yes sir.
Flo the Doorwoman: [in her mind, makes a leopard like growl]
Nick Marshall: [hearing her growl] You know what? I think I'll walk today.
Nick Marshall: I need a little fresh air.
[starts crossing the street]
Flo the Doorwoman: You have a great day, sir.
[says in her mind]
Flo the Doorwoman: with yo FINE ass... looking like SHAFT! WHOO! I could just RIDE that sucker.
Nick Marshall: [startled at her crude thoughts, walks in front of car which has to screech to a halt; driver yells]
Flo the Doorwoman: You okay, sir?
Nick Marshall: Fine, fine.
[a little shaken, goes on his way]
Nick Marshall: [trying to convince his psychiatrist that he can hear what women think] You don't believe me? Pick a number.
J.M. Perkins: Alright. A number between one and...?
Nick Marshall: A million, why not?
J.M. Perkins: Between one and a million, alright.
[Closes her eyes and concentrates]
Nick Marshall: Six-hundred and eighty-four thousand, nine-hundred ninety-eight, ninety nine.
[Psychiatrist's eyes flash open]
Nick Marshall: Want to make a decision here?
Darcy McGuire: I'm the man-eating bitch Darth Vader of the ad world.
J.M. Perkins: If you know what women want, you can rule!
Nick Marshall: [to Darcy] He made you feel the price you pay just for being you is that you don't get to have love.
Nick Marshall: Buns of steel... I'd steal her buns if I could.
Nick Marshall: [talking to his reflection in the mirror] You go, girl.
Nick Marshall: Oh... This is nice, I don't understand why women complain about waxing.
Nick Marshall: [impersonating Sean Connery after seeing him in a film] Adversary? Surely you mean *adversary*, old boy?
Alex: My dad? He's always been... like an uncle to me. Yeah, Uncle Dad.
Alex: Oh please, Mom had this talk with me when I was like, 11.
Nick Marshall: It's never too late to do the right thing. That's what I'll do, I'll go over there and do the right thing.
Nick Marshall: Have you ever done that, taken the wrong road? Of course not, you wouldn't do that, somebody like me does that.
Lola: [inner thoughts as Lola and Nick start having sex] Okay, lied about the "grande"...
Nick Marshall: I realize I haven't been the perfect dad.
Alex Marshall: Understatement of the century.
Nick Marshall: [to Morgan] She thinks you're overpaid... and gay.
Nick Marshall: Women are crazy! Who would want to do that again?
[puts on pantyhose on one leg]
Nick Marshall: One down, two to go. He he.
Women: [thought walking by Nick after he gains his powers] Kissing a girl once doesn't make me a lesbian, does it?
Nick Marshall: Okay, now, we apply the hot wax to the hairy area.
[puts glob of wax on his leg]
Nick Marshall: Oh oh, hot, hot, hot! Okay, okay... next... we apply the cloth strip onto the waxed area.
[pats down the strip over the wax]
Nick Marshall: [lifts his eyebrows] Hey, that actually feels kinda nice. Dunno why women hate waxing their legs. Okay, in one smooth motion, pull strip in the opposite direction of the growth. That's up, so... 1, 2, 3!
[yanks off the cloth]
Nick Marshall: Ooowwwww!
Woman: [voiceover] You know the expression, "a man's man". A man's man is the leader of the pack, the kind of man other men look up to, admire, and emulate. A man's man is the kind of man who - just doesn't get what women are about.
Gigi: Nick, my ex-husband, is the ultimate man's man. I probably never should have married him. I don't think he understood a thing about me.
Morgan: Can we walk AND talk? Because, in case you live, I don't wanna be late.