SpongeBob SquarePants (1999– )
Patrick: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma
[thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]
[SpongeBob appears on the horizon]
Sandy Cheeks: Here, Patrick. Have a Krabby Patty.
Sandy Cheeks: Psst. There he is Patrick, say your line.
Patrick: [picks up paper] Why thank you, Sandy. Take Patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy this. These are his favorite.
[on the verge of tears]
Patrick: Take bite.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...
[rumble of thunder]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck.
[a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!
[the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]
Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus...
[Imitates Grampa SquarePants]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.
Painting: Are you ready kids?
Kids: Aye Aye Captain!
Painting: I can't hear you!
Kids: Aye Aye Captain!
Painting, Kids: Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Painting: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Painting: If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Painting: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Painting, Kids: Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
Painting, Kids: [SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]
Squidward: [To Krabs. ] Why don't you go and ask Cowbob Ranchpants and his friend sir Eat-a-lot.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob. What's with all the nicknames?
Plankton: [yells] Lady, someone should put you in a box to drift in the river!
Elderly lady: [pauses, sadly] ... you're right.
Mermaid Man: That guy over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know he doesn't look like much now, but he could go back to crime
Mermaid Man: just like that
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy chuckle; SpongeBob suddenly tackles the Atomic Flounder]
Atomic Flounder: Help, somebody there!
SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder!
Mermaid Man: No, lad! Don't!
SpongeBob: But you said he could turn back to crime
SpongeBob: like that.
Atomic Flounder: What? Get off me! If I weren't retired I'd... I'd... Roar!
[Breathes radiation on Barnacle Boy's face, burning it]
Atomic Flounder: ... do that.
Squidward: [Curls into a ball and rocks back and forth] Future... Future... Future...
[Spongetron drops a brick on his head]
Squidward: ... Thanks.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sly look] You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?
Personified Krabby Patty: And remember, if you ever feel alone, I'll be right here.
Personified Krabby Patty: [points to SpongeBob's Chest]
SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean in my Heart?
Personified Krabby Patty: Yes, specifically, your arteries...
Squidward: Oh why must every eleven minutes of my life filled with misery?
Squidward: Okay i want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Is this the part where we start kicking?
Squidward: No SpongeBob. That's a chorus line.
Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!
Sandy Cheeks: Ow! Why you...
[gets into a fight with Patrick]
Patrick: [screams loudly]
Patrick: Who ever's the owner of the white sedan you left your lights on.
SpongeBob SquarePants: He didn't call them Mr. Krabs. We did. I needed some help investigating the accident. Right buddy?
Patrick: Breakfast. Green. Finland.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Why are you here to rescue little old me?
Barnacle Boy: Pipe Down! You're gonna wake Mermaid Man and he's ornery when his nap is disturbed.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ever alert Mermaid Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.
Barnacle Boy: Con funded! Get away from him!
Mermaid Man: Stop shouting i'm napping!
Barnacle Boy: It's not me you old coot!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
Painting: Arrgh! I'd just be a painting of a head.
Patrick: Oh boy that was some party! Oh hey SpongeBob! Hey Junior! What? What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh nothing.
Patrick: Oh what a relive for a second there I thought you'd be mad at me.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you remember what you said to me this morning?
Patrick: Something about root beer right?
Patrick: Oh wait let me guess let me guess! I give up!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Does you can take the night off pal ring a bell?
Patrick: I don't need this.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Where do you think you're going?
Patrick: I'm going back to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Work?
Patrick: He got hit in the head with two coconuts!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So this is work?
Patrick: You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes i gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot you briefcase!
Patrick: Oh. So this is the thanks i get for working overtime!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Overtime?
Patrick: Yeah overtime pal! I'm to tired to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh if that's the kind of work your doing i've been working my fingers to the bone you never helped never!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instance!
Squidward: Shut up!
Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones! What the heck is going on?
Squidward: I said shut up you bucket of bolts!
Mr. Krabs: So it was just another Krabby Patty theft attempt by my arch competitor Plankton!
SpongeBob SquarePants: This just isn't adding up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We must be missing something. Patrick we're gonna need help more then it ever means you.
Barnacle Boy: Uh Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Yes Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: We're not in the invisible boat mobile are we?
Mermaid Man: Uh. Nope.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mega Bucket? You've used me for land development! That wasn't nice!
Plankton: Haven't you heard SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world!
Patrick: Squidward! Your ceiling is talking to me!
Squidward: Are you gonna order something or just make friends with the paneling?
Squidward: Only 364 days and nine years left until i exchange this concrete tomb for a multi story ocean liner cruise.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: The boy and i just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.
Squidward: Call me what you may, fact of the matter is i found out the mystery customer's name first so i win. I win i win i win i win i win!
Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your prize.
Squidward: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Tropical vacation here i come!
Mr. Krabs: Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?
Squidward: What? In the brochure it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you mean that brochure. Well that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers you know. So it's your prize.
Squidward: You mean no vacation?
Mr. Krabs: Nope, just the brochure. Well got to get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize Squidward.
SpongeBob SquarePants: See you on the outside in ten years buddy.
Squidward: Oh well at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.
Patrick: Hey Squidward. Parcheesi?
Mrs. Poppy Puff: One day down 2,528 to go! That's just a shy of four years without SpongeBob! I'm going to enjoy this!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What is it boy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and i thought you might like to hear it.
Mr. Krabs: Is it true Squidward? Is it hilarious?
Squidward: Um yeah sure.
Mr. Krabs: Well let's hear it lad.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay here it goes. Um how did it go Squidward?
Squidward: Um it went um let's see ah Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the new pirate movie?
Mr. Krabs: Why?
Squidward: It was rated Arr!
Squidward: Arr! Because it's about pirates.
Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What is it SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you!
Mr. Krabs: Get back to work Mr. Squidward.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward?
Plankton: What's the deal Karen?
Karen: The deal was that i paid Nat to eat your chum so you'd quit your constant complaining.
Plankton: All this time i never had one regular costumer?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad?
Mr. Krabs: Yes i suppose that is rather sad but Squidward can hug himself during his break. Now get back to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Just like the robot in the movie! He couldn't cry either.
Squidward: SpongeBob this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What in Neptune's bathtub do you think your doing lad?
Squidward: Oh shrimp! It's my arch rival from high school! Squilliam Fancyson! I can't let him see me in my Krusty crew uniform.
Squilliam: On your lunch break eh Squiddy?
Squidward: Uh hey.
Mr. Krabs: Hang on a minute. Plastic captain. A ticket booth, Tokens. This ain't the wreck of the Mona Loa! It's the wreck of the Mona Loa amusement park ride!
Patrick: No wonder we were so amused!
Mr. Krabs: Well i'm not!
SpongeBob SquarePants: President Squidward?
Squidward: No no. Don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now if you'll be so kind as to leave so i can get ready for work tomorrow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. President...
Squidward: Shut it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we just wanted too...
Squidward: Get out of my house!
Squidward: All right you two! Out! And don't even think about jogging your empty skulls for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow or next week
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward does that include...
Squidward: Yes it does!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Patrick. Do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
Squidward: Yes i was! You call yourselves good neighbors? You're the worst neighbors ever! You don't deserve to wear these fezzes!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Pat. Maybe President Squidward's right.
Patrick: Yeah. I guess we're not good neighbors after all.
Squidward: No you aren't! You're horrible neighbors! And stop calling me president!
Squidward: There's only three hours of my Sunday left. They took it all away. I didn't even get to read the Sunday paper.
Patrick: Listen up SpongeBob Secret Stealer Pants! If you ever come near my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we're supposed to be friends forever.
Squidward: Okay now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?
Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Squidward: No Patrick. Mayonnaise is not an instrument. Horse Radish is not an instrument either.
Mr. Krabs: Looks like you blew it again Plankton!
Plankton: I did better then you Eugene!
Mr. Krabs: Says who?
SpongeBob: Now now now i think we need to calm down. Fighting is pointless You two would have the recipe by now if you worked together.
Mr. Krabs: Okay fine! We'll work together.
Plankton: Yeah i don't see that working out.
SpongeBob: Not to worry gentlemen i have a plan.
Plankton: SpongeBob what do you want?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well it's just that it's Tuesday again sir and i was wondering if i can have my weekly performance review.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh yes please sir please!
Plankton: But i've never reviewed anything. Except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.
SpongeBob: Ta da! I started the Flabby Patty restaurant just to get you two rascals to team up. And so the power of friendship triumphs again.
Mr. Krabs: What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?
Plankton: Now now Krabs SpongeBob's taught us some very valuable lessons. Such as oh falling out of an airplane for instance.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. And how to commonly bludgeon meself.
Plankton: In fact, i think it's time we repay him don't you?
Mr. Krabs: Great idea pal! We'll teach you about teamwork.
SpongeBob: [runs away screaming]
Mr. Krabs: Get back here!
Plankton: We should do this more often Krabs.
Plankton: Aw man! I stole that Krabby Patty fair and square.
Mr. Krabs: Oh poor wittle baby waby. Does wittle Pwanksy wanksy need his nappy wappy?
SpongeBob: Why are you two always fighting? You were best palsie walsies once.
[picks up Plankton]
SpongeBob: Can't you two make up and be friends?
Mr. Krabs: Yeeh those days are over SpongeBob
Plankton: Krabs and i are bitter enemies!
Mr. Krabs: And that's the way we like it.
SpongeBob: If only there was some way to bring you two back together.
Plankton: Forget it, SpongeBob Nothing will make me friends with Eugene Krabs
Plankton: What is that delicious smell?
SpongeBob: [sniffing bad sent] Bluh! That doesn't smell delicious!
Squidward: SpongeBob do you remember that talk we had about personal space?
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Squidward i'm official look!
Plankton: So have you two known each other long?
Squidward: You can't do this to me Mr. Plankton! If you think i'm gonna stand out there all day listening to...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Squidward: Then you must have coral wasted in your frontal lobe!
Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it?
Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow if you know what i mean.
Plankton: Hope you like grey.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward, i can see you though this little window.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aw Squidward. You're back to your grown up self.
Squidward: Of course i'm grown up. Why wouldn't i be?
Patrick: Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream.
Plankton: Ice cream? It shoots ice cream? Oversized ice cream maker!
Squidward: A good neighbor doesn't bother me on Sunday!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sunday? No wonder Squidward's grumpy.
Karen: Be friend the SpongeBob then when the timing is right take the Krabby Patty.
Plankton: Take The Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi Plankton.
Plankton: What do you have mud in your ears? Take a hike!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah yes i remember. But i just wanted to tell you that the Krabby Patty secret formula is not i repeat not in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: Why should i care? My whole life is been filled with tortured by that blasted whale.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay. Everybody has a secret fear! For instance Mr. Krabs's secret fear is
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm hmm. And guess what else? That was Mr. Krabs in a whale suit that you've been scared of.
Plankton: You mean this entire time it's been Krabs masquerading as a whale? Why that conniving bottomfeeder!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well certainly you wouldn't have such innocuous information would you?
Plankton: Oh of course not.
SpongeBob SquarePants: All righty back to your self destructive behavior Plankton. Thanks for the talk.
Plankton: Oh no thank you!
Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe we're near one of those toxic wast dumps.
Mr. Krabs: I think i'm gonna be sick.
Mr. Krabs: Oh this time you've done it boy! What have you got to say for yourself?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The platter's all clean Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: D'oh! I'll clean your platter! Come here you!
Sandy Cheeks: SpongeBob's acting jumper then a rattlesnake in a pickle barral.
Squidward: This isn't Squilliam Fancyson my lifelong rival who i met in high school band class is it?
Squilliam: The same.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a minute! Was this band just a front so you can steal the Krabby Patty secret formula?
Plankton: What? No! I was in it for the music man!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't forget to read the note!
Mrs. Poppy Puff: You! It's because of you i got stuck in this mess!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay boys let's roll to see who goes first.
Squidward: This is Tic-tac Toe! We don't roll to see who goes first!
Squidward: I was trying to take a nap over here!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hang on Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of this puzzle goes. Weren't you Patrick?
Patrick: Who's the green guy?
Squidward: It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go right here!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! It wasn't your turn! That's cheating.
Squidward: Cheating? It's a jigsaw puzzle you can't cheat!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick do you think Squidward's taking this all too far?
Patrick: He's only a block away.
Sandy Cheeks: Hi-ya!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hiya Sandy.
Sandy Cheeks: Is something wrong SpongeBob? You look sadder then a bullfrog full of sodey pop.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you have any famous relatives Sandy?
Sandy Cheeks: I sure do. My great Aunt Rosie Cheeks was the first squirrel to discover oil at Spindletop Texas!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee. Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.
Patrick: Huh? Who said that? Who's there?
Patrick: It's the clam burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the good secret box bandit and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait wait wait Patrick stop! It's me SpongeBob!
Patrick: Nice try burglar but SpongeBob's my best friend and he'd never steal from me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmm. Dear Pen Pal my name is SpongeBob SquarePants.Oh that's great! I work at a restaurant i love frying and i'm very good at it. Sincerely your new best friend! Behold the perfect letter! Now for the envelope.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw!
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick? You're Pen Pal?
SpongeBob SquarePants: But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!
Patrick: Dying? Oh oh! You didn't read the whole letter!
SpongeBob SquarePants: See it says i wish i could watch you because i am dying!
Patrick: And here's the second page! To see you as a real pilot SpongeBob. Here are some other things i like to see: candy rain a firetruck full of clowns and a bunch of other stuff
SpongeBob SquarePants: It all makes sense now! Oh Patrick!
Patrick: You thought i was dying!
Mr. Krabs: All right you leave me no choice!
Patrick: Your giving me a rase?
Mr. Krabs: Not even close. You're fired. As long as i'm still standing you'll never wear this hat again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick are you okay?
Patrick: Well i guess it's back to being no hat Pat.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Patrick not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine anytime you want.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sure thing pal.
Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob! You're the best!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Anytime pal. Anytime.