Edit
SpongeBob SquarePants (TV Series 1999– ) Poster

Quotes

Patrick: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma

[thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]

Fred: My leg!

[SpongeBob appears on the horizon]

Sandy Cheeks: Here, Patrick. Have a Krabby Patty.

[whispers]

Sandy Cheeks: Psst. There he is Patrick, say your line.

Patrick: [picks up paper] Why thank you, Sandy. Take Patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy this. These are his favorite.

[on the verge of tears]

Patrick: Take bite.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...

[rumble of thunder]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck.

[a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]

SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!

[the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]

Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus...

[Imitates Grampa SquarePants]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.

[opening sequence]

Painting: Are you ready kids?

Kids: Aye Aye Captain!

Painting: I can't hear you!

Kids: Aye Aye Captain!

PaintingKids: Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

PaintingKids: Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!

[Hearty laugh]

PaintingKids: [SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]

Squidward: [To Krabs. ] Why don't you go and ask Cowbob Ranchpants and his friend sir Eat-a-lot.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob. What's with all the nicknames?

Plankton: [yells] Lady, someone should put you in a box to drift in the river!

Elderly lady: [pauses, sadly] ... you're right.

Mermaid Man: That guy over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know he doesn't look like much now, but he could go back to crime

[snaps fingers]

Mermaid Man: just like that

[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy chuckle; SpongeBob suddenly tackles the Atomic Flounder]

Atomic Flounder: Help, somebody there!

SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder!

Mermaid Man: No, lad! Don't!

SpongeBob: But you said he could turn back to crime

[snaps fingers]

SpongeBob: like that.

Atomic Flounder: What? Get off me! If I weren't retired I'd... I'd... Roar!

[Breathes radiation on Barnacle Boy's face, burning it]

Atomic Flounder: ... do that.

Squidward: [Curls into a ball and rocks back and forth] Future... Future... Future...

[Spongetron drops a brick on his head]

Squidward: ... Thanks.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, tartar sauce.

[repeated line]

Mermaid Man: EVIL!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [sly look] You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?

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SpongeBob SquarePants: You okay Patrick?

Patrick: Finland!

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Personified Krabby Patty: And remember, if you ever feel alone, I'll be right here.

Personified Krabby Patty: [points to SpongeBob's Chest]

SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean in my Heart?

Personified Krabby Patty: Yes, specifically, your arteries...

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Squidward: Oh why must every eleven minutes of my life filled with misery?

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Squidward: Once again, i hate people.

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Squidward: Okay i want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Is this the part where we start kicking?

Squidward: No SpongeBob. That's a chorus line.

Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!

[kicks Sandy]

Sandy Cheeks: Ow! Why you...

[gets into a fight with Patrick]

Patrick: [screams loudly]

Patrick: Who ever's the owner of the white sedan you left your lights on.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: He didn't call them Mr. Krabs. We did. I needed some help investigating the accident. Right buddy?

Patrick: Breakfast. Green. Finland.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Why are you here to rescue little old me?

Barnacle Boy: Pipe Down! You're gonna wake Mermaid Man and he's ornery when his nap is disturbed.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Ever alert Mermaid Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.

Barnacle Boy: Con funded! Get away from him!

Mermaid Man: Stop shouting i'm napping!

Barnacle Boy: It's not me you old coot!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Could you show me how to tie my shoes?

Painting: Arrgh! I'd just be a painting of a head.

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Patrick: Oh boy that was some party! Oh hey SpongeBob! Hey Junior! What? What?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh nothing.

Patrick: Oh what a relive for a second there I thought you'd be mad at me.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you remember what you said to me this morning?

Patrick: Something about root beer right?

SpongeBob SquarePants: No.

Patrick: Oh wait let me guess let me guess! I give up!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Does you can take the night off pal ring a bell?

Patrick: I don't need this.

SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Where do you think you're going?

Patrick: I'm going back to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Work?

Patrick: He got hit in the head with two coconuts!

SpongeBob SquarePants: So this is work?

Patrick: You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes i gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot you briefcase!

Patrick: Oh. So this is the thanks i get for working overtime!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Overtime?

Patrick: Yeah overtime pal! I'm to tired to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh if that's the kind of work your doing i've been working my fingers to the bone you never helped never!

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Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instance!

Squidward: Shut up!

Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones! What the heck is going on?

Squidward: I said shut up you bucket of bolts!

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Mr. Krabs: David H. Jones!

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Mr. Krabs: So it was just another Krabby Patty theft attempt by my arch competitor Plankton!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: This just isn't adding up.

Patrick: Pudding?

SpongeBob SquarePants: We must be missing something. Patrick we're gonna need help more then it ever means you.

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Barnacle Boy: Uh Mermaid Man?

Mermaid Man: Yes Barnacle Boy?

Barnacle Boy: We're not in the invisible boat mobile are we?

Mermaid Man: Uh. Nope.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Mega Bucket? You've used me for land development! That wasn't nice!

Plankton: Haven't you heard SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world!

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Patrick: Squidward! Your ceiling is talking to me!

Squidward: Are you gonna order something or just make friends with the paneling?

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Squidward: Didn't anybody tell you it's the break of dawn?

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Squidward: Only 364 days and nine years left until i exchange this concrete tomb for a multi story ocean liner cruise.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.

Squidward: SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs: The boy and i just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.

Squidward: Call me what you may, fact of the matter is i found out the mystery customer's name first so i win. I win i win i win i win i win!

Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your prize.

Squidward: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Tropical vacation here i come!

Mr. Krabs: Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?

Squidward: What? In the brochure it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, you mean that brochure. Well that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers you know. So it's your prize.

Squidward: You mean no vacation?

Mr. Krabs: Nope, just the brochure. Well got to get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize Squidward.

SpongeBob SquarePants: See you on the outside in ten years buddy.

Squidward: Oh well at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.

Patrick: Hey Squidward. Parcheesi?

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Mrs. Poppy Puff: One day down 2,528 to go! That's just a shy of four years without SpongeBob! I'm going to enjoy this!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: What is it boy?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and i thought you might like to hear it.

Mr. Krabs: Is it true Squidward? Is it hilarious?

Squidward: Um yeah sure.

Mr. Krabs: Well let's hear it lad.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay here it goes. Um how did it go Squidward?

Squidward: Um it went um let's see ah Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the new pirate movie?

Mr. Krabs: Why?

Squidward: It was rated Arr!

[laughs]

Squidward: Arr! Because it's about pirates.

Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: What is it SpongeBob?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you!

Mr. Krabs: Get back to work Mr. Squidward.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward?

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Plankton: What's the deal Karen?

Karen: The deal was that i paid Nat to eat your chum so you'd quit your constant complaining.

Plankton: All this time i never had one regular costumer?

Karen: Duh.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad?

[cries]

Mr. Krabs: Yes i suppose that is rather sad but Squidward can hug himself during his break. Now get back to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Just like the robot in the movie! He couldn't cry either.

Squidward: SpongeBob this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much.

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Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What in Neptune's bathtub do you think your doing lad?

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Squidward: Oh shrimp! It's my arch rival from high school! Squilliam Fancyson! I can't let him see me in my Krusty crew uniform.

Squilliam: On your lunch break eh Squiddy?

Squidward: Uh hey.

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Patrick: Breakfast!

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Mr. Krabs: Hang on a minute. Plastic captain. A ticket booth, Tokens. This ain't the wreck of the Mona Loa! It's the wreck of the Mona Loa amusement park ride!

Patrick: No wonder we were so amused!

Mr. Krabs: Well i'm not!

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Squidward: I'm not gonna let them ruin the rest of my Sunday.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: President Squidward?

Squidward: No no. Don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now if you'll be so kind as to leave so i can get ready for work tomorrow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. President...

Squidward: Shut it.

SpongeBob SquarePants: But we just wanted too...

Squidward: Get out of my house!

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Squidward: All right you two! Out! And don't even think about jogging your empty skulls for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow or next week

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward does that include...

Squidward: Yes it does!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Patrick. Do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?

Squidward: Yes i was! You call yourselves good neighbors? You're the worst neighbors ever! You don't deserve to wear these fezzes!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Pat. Maybe President Squidward's right.

Patrick: Yeah. I guess we're not good neighbors after all.

Squidward: No you aren't! You're horrible neighbors! And stop calling me president!

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Squidward: There's only three hours of my Sunday left. They took it all away. I didn't even get to read the Sunday paper.

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Patrick: Listen up SpongeBob Secret Stealer Pants! If you ever come near my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore!

SpongeBob SquarePants: But we're supposed to be friends forever.

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Patrick: Ice cream! Did somebody say ice cream?

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Squidward: Okay now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?

Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?

Squidward: No.

Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?

Squidward: No Patrick. Mayonnaise is not an instrument. Horse Radish is not an instrument either.

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Mr. Krabs: Looks like you blew it again Plankton!

Plankton: I did better then you Eugene!

Mr. Krabs: Says who?

SpongeBob: Now now now i think we need to calm down. Fighting is pointless You two would have the recipe by now if you worked together.

Mr. Krabs: Okay fine! We'll work together.

Plankton: Yeah i don't see that working out.

SpongeBob: Not to worry gentlemen i have a plan.

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Plankton: SpongeBob what do you want?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well it's just that it's Tuesday again sir and i was wondering if i can have my weekly performance review.

Plankton: Review?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh yes please sir please!

Plankton: But i've never reviewed anything. Except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.

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SpongeBob: Ta da! I started the Flabby Patty restaurant just to get you two rascals to team up. And so the power of friendship triumphs again.

Mr. Krabs: What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?

Plankton: Now now Krabs SpongeBob's taught us some very valuable lessons. Such as oh falling out of an airplane for instance.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah. And how to commonly bludgeon meself.

Plankton: In fact, i think it's time we repay him don't you?

Mr. Krabs: Great idea pal! We'll teach you about teamwork.

SpongeBob: [runs away screaming]

Mr. Krabs: Get back here!

Plankton: We should do this more often Krabs.

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Plankton: Aw man! I stole that Krabby Patty fair and square.

Mr. Krabs: Oh poor wittle baby waby. Does wittle Pwanksy wanksy need his nappy wappy?

[laughs]

SpongeBob: Why are you two always fighting? You were best palsie walsies once.

[picks up Plankton]

Plankton: Hey!

SpongeBob: Can't you two make up and be friends?

Mr. Krabs: Yeeh those days are over SpongeBob

Plankton: Krabs and i are bitter enemies!

Mr. Krabs: And that's the way we like it.

SpongeBob: If only there was some way to bring you two back together.

Plankton: Forget it, SpongeBob Nothing will make me friends with Eugene Krabs

[sniffing]

Plankton: What is that delicious smell?

SpongeBob: [sniffing bad sent] Bluh! That doesn't smell delicious!

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Squidward: SpongeBob do you remember that talk we had about personal space?

SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Squidward i'm official look!

Squidward: Co-Cashier?

Plankton: So have you two known each other long?

Squidward: You can't do this to me Mr. Plankton! If you think i'm gonna stand out there all day listening to...

SpongeBob SquarePants: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Squidward: Then you must have coral wasted in your frontal lobe!

Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it?

Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow if you know what i mean.

Plankton: Hope you like grey.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward, i can see you though this little window.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Aw Squidward. You're back to your grown up self.

Squidward: Of course i'm grown up. Why wouldn't i be?

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Patrick: Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream.

PatrickSpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks Plankton!

Plankton: Ice cream? It shoots ice cream? Oversized ice cream maker!

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Patrick: Good old secret box. Let's see what's inside.

[giggles]

Patrick: Nighty night boxey.

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Squidward: A good neighbor doesn't bother me on Sunday!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sunday? No wonder Squidward's grumpy.

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Patrick: Do i get my hat now?

Mr. Krabs: What the heck? It pays to advertise.

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Karen: Be friend the SpongeBob then when the timing is right take the Krabby Patty.

Plankton: Take The Krabby Patty.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi Plankton.

Plankton: What do you have mud in your ears? Take a hike!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah yes i remember. But i just wanted to tell you that the Krabby Patty secret formula is not i repeat not in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab.

Plankton: Why should i care? My whole life is been filled with tortured by that blasted whale.

SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay. Everybody has a secret fear! For instance Mr. Krabs's secret fear is

[whispers]

Plankton: Really?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm hmm. And guess what else? That was Mr. Krabs in a whale suit that you've been scared of.

Plankton: You mean this entire time it's been Krabs masquerading as a whale? Why that conniving bottomfeeder!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well certainly you wouldn't have such innocuous information would you?

Plankton: Oh of course not.

SpongeBob SquarePants: All righty back to your self destructive behavior Plankton. Thanks for the talk.

Plankton: Oh no thank you!

[laughs evilly]

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SpongeBob: Are you ready to rock Squidward?

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: Good! Cause we got costumers!

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Squidward: Stop playing in my yard!

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Squidward: I hate neighbors.

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Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe we're near one of those toxic wast dumps.

Mr. Krabs: I think i'm gonna be sick.

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Mr. Krabs: Oh this time you've done it boy! What have you got to say for yourself?

SpongeBob SquarePants: The platter's all clean Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: D'oh! I'll clean your platter! Come here you!

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Squidward: You two morons sunk my house!

PatrickSpongeBob SquarePants: We're sorry!

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Sandy Cheeks: SpongeBob's acting jumper then a rattlesnake in a pickle barral.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: I maybe down but i'm not up.

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Sandy Cheeks: Back in Texas we call ice cream frozen cow juice.

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Squidward: Hello.

Squilliam: Hello.

Squidward: This isn't Squilliam Fancyson my lifelong rival who i met in high school band class is it?

Squilliam: The same.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a minute! Was this band just a front so you can steal the Krabby Patty secret formula?

Plankton: What? No! I was in it for the music man!

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Patrick: What's hide and seek?

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't forget to read the note!

Mrs. Poppy Puff: You! It's because of you i got stuck in this mess!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay boys let's roll to see who goes first.

Squidward: This is Tic-tac Toe! We don't roll to see who goes first!

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Squidward: I was trying to take a nap over here!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hang on Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of this puzzle goes. Weren't you Patrick?

Patrick: Who's the green guy?

Squidward: It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go right here!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! It wasn't your turn! That's cheating.

Squidward: Cheating? It's a jigsaw puzzle you can't cheat!

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Squidward: I knew i shouldn't have got out of bed today.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick do you think Squidward's taking this all too far?

Patrick: He's only a block away.

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Sandy Cheeks: Hi-ya!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hiya Sandy.

Sandy Cheeks: Is something wrong SpongeBob? You look sadder then a bullfrog full of sodey pop.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you have any famous relatives Sandy?

Sandy Cheeks: I sure do. My great Aunt Rosie Cheeks was the first squirrel to discover oil at Spindletop Texas!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee. Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.

Patrick: Huh? Who said that? Who's there?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh.

Patrick: It's the clam burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the good secret box bandit and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait wait wait Patrick stop! It's me SpongeBob!

Patrick: Nice try burglar but SpongeBob's my best friend and he'd never steal from me!

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmm. Dear Pen Pal my name is SpongeBob SquarePants.Oh that's great! I work at a restaurant i love frying and i'm very good at it. Sincerely your new best friend! Behold the perfect letter! Now for the envelope.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw!

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick? You're Pen Pal?

Patrick: Duh!

SpongeBob SquarePants: But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!

Patrick: Dying? Oh oh! You didn't read the whole letter!

SpongeBob SquarePants: See it says i wish i could watch you because i am dying!

Patrick: And here's the second page! To see you as a real pilot SpongeBob. Here are some other things i like to see: candy rain a firetruck full of clowns and a bunch of other stuff

SpongeBob SquarePants: It all makes sense now! Oh Patrick!

Patrick: You thought i was dying!

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Mr. Krabs: All right you leave me no choice!

Patrick: Your giving me a rase?

Mr. Krabs: Not even close. You're fired. As long as i'm still standing you'll never wear this hat again.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick are you okay?

Patrick: Well i guess it's back to being no hat Pat.

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SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Patrick not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine anytime you want.

Patrick: Really?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sure thing pal.

Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob! You're the best!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Anytime pal. Anytime.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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