Memorable quotes for
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999) More at IMDbPro »

T.J. Hicks: See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Where?
T.J. Hicks: Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Man-whoring?
T.J. Hicks: Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring.

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T.J. Hicks: I prefer to think of myself as more of a...male madame. That didn't come out right.

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T.J. Hicks: Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you!

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T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.

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Detective Fowler: Do the letters T and J mean anything to you?
Deuce Bigalow: I don't know. Turkey Jizz?

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T.J. Hicks: God damn white boy.

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T.J. Hicks: What about Antoine's apartment?
Deuce Bigalow: I'm gonna get the rest of the money the old-fashioned way.
T.J. Hicks: You gonna steal it?

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Bartender: There you go. That's uhh... $11.50.
Deuce Bigalow: Ahh, no, no. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I wish to cancel my original order of the martini and two olives, and go for just the plain cranberry juice, by itself, for the three dollars. And I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Bartender: Ahh, perhaps you don't understand. Ahh... if you don't pay me now, I'm going to uhh... take this swizzle-stick, and uhh... I'll be shoving that right up your pee-hole.

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Deuce Bigalow: I couldn't help overhearing your Spanish
Claire: It was French
Deuce Bigalow: Oui, French... Nice people.

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Deuce Bigalow: Look, I think there's been a mistake.
Fluisa: Did you say steak?
Deuce Bigalow: No mistake.
Fluisa: Oh see now you got me all excited.

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Antoine Laconte: This is a fourteenth-century Hungarian crossbow. It has killed a king and changed the history of Europe. If anything happens to my apartment...I'll shove it up your ass.

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Deuce Bigalow: Where am I supposed to get three THOUSAND dollars in three weeks?

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Deuce Bigalow: Wow! What are those?
Antoine Laconte: Medieval weapons. I'm a collector. They're worth twice as much if they've killed somebody.
Deuce Bigalow: I collect Canadian quarters... I've got about four.

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Fluisa: Cakes And Pies! Cakes And Pies!

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T.J. Hicks: Claire said Antoine's apartment was messed up, but I had no idea.
Deuce Bigalow: Claire?
T.J. Hicks: The hooker you ass-punched.

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Kate: I don't understand why women do it. I don't see how they can get any pleasure from it. It's not supposed to go up there. Frankly, I don't even understand how men do it, either.
Deuce Bigalow: You wouldn't want to try it, just to try something new?
Kate: No, it's just...not natural.
Deuce Bigalow: So you're definitely opposed to space travel?
Kate: Totally! I mean, more power to any woman who wants to be an astronaut, but I'm just not into it. Frankly, I'd rather take it up the butt.

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Bailiff: That's a huge bitch!

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[referring to Kate]
Megan: You stay away from her, man-whore!

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Antoine Laconte: Don't answer my phone or do not drive my car or else I will kill you!

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T.J. Hicks: Deuce, you the best he-bitch in my man stable. If I had two more manginas like you, I'd be a millionaire.

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[Ruth has Tourettes Syndrome]
Ruth: Fart! Dildo! Big, Big, Big Titties!
[looks at old couple]
Ruth: SHIT! SHIT WHORES!

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Antoine Laconte: I'm a gigolo.
Deuce Bigalow: Giga-who?
Antoine Laconte: Women pay me to give them... pleasure.
Deuce Bigalow: How did you get that job?
Antoine Laconte: I just sort of fell into it.
Deuce Bigalow: I'm gonna kill my guidance counselor!

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Deuce Bigalow: Is this Ruth?
Ruth: Yeah, I'll be right down. GOD DAMN IT!

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T.J. Hicks: Why you ungrateful he-bitch! Maybe I should get Antoine on the phone in Switzerland and tell him how you re-decorated his poon-palace!

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Ruth: BALL-HAIR!
Deuce Bigalow: Yeah, ball-hair, what we need is a strike here!

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T.J. Hicks: The "man-gina": it's a professional term we man-whores use to describe our he-pussy.

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Antoine Laconte: Excuse me for a second, huh? Must make pee-pee.

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Deuce Bigalow: I don't know anything about it!
Detective Fowler: Yeah, well what do you know about this?
[drops pants, reaches in, and motions to pull out his penis; Deuce grimaces]
Detective Fowler: I was using the john, and they did have one of those paper ass-gaskets. And it splashed up, you know, all over. Am I okay?
Deuce Bigalow: Maybe it's a rash, something you got from jogging. How the hell should I know? Get it away from me!

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