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Dark Angel (TV Series 2000–2002) Poster

(2000–2002)

Quotes

Donald Lydecker: You're in one hell of a situation, soldier.

Jace: Yes, sir.

Donald Lydecker: Do you mind explaining why?

Jace: Because I am dumb! I am so damned dumb it would take ten acts of divine providence to raise me to the sublime height of blissful ignorance, sir!

Donald Lydecker: And what am I supposed to do about you now?

Jace: That is not for me to speculate, sir.

Donald Lydecker: You're damn right it's not. Your mission was to eliminate this individual here.

[He pulls out his gun and shoots Vertes. She collapses and he replaces the gun]

Donald Lydecker: Mission accomplished. Now was that so difficult?

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Donald Lydecker: Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a failing. You've turned it into a church. You worship the altar of self-pity. I come to these rooms for one reason, to remember what I don't want to become... helpless, impotent, and weak.

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Normal: Well, well, well... so far, your moron colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here at the crack of noon - you had a dental emergency, your aunt died... again, and my personal favorite from this idiot - you were detained by the sector police for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?

Max Guevara: I overslept.

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Logan Cale: You have good taste. French, 1920s, attributed to Chitarus.

Max Guevara: Whoever that is.

Logan Cale: Oh. So... what, you liked it 'cause it was shiny?

Max Guevara: No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer, giver of life who lives forever.

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Normal: I don't want to interrupt your social life with my petty concerns so why don't we just close down the business and live off the charity of strangers.

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Logan Cale: You're a thief?

Max Guevara: Girl's gotta make a living.

Logan Cale: Thank God.

Max Guevara: First time I ever heard that one.

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Ben: Nothing went wrong with me! I'm doing what I was made to do, what we were taught to do!

Max Guevara: Hunt people down to perform amateur dental surgery? I must've missed that class.

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Donald Lydecker: It was the best of you that ran away that night.

Max Guevara: Yeah, well, we wanted to start a rock band.

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[while Max is giving Alec a fake lap dance to fit in at a strip club]

Max Guevara: Can we concentrate on coming up with a plan?

X5 494/"Alec": I'm thinking.

Max Guevara: You're talking!

X5 494/"Alec": I can do both.

Max Guevara: I doubt that.

X5 494/"Alec": Well you just lost your tip...

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Original Cindy: He's from Manticore, huh? Say what you want - they sure know how to make 'em pretty.

Max Guevera/X5-452: Try spending an afternoon with him. He'll drive you crazy with his laughing, and his talking, and his breathing...

Original Cindy: Sugar, you got issues.

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Original Cindy: [There is a rat on the counter and Max yells out] What's wrong?

Max Guevara: Mickey's cracked out cousin thinks he's settin' up house in our crib.

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Max Guevara: Guys are the weaker sex.

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Max Guevara: Girls kick ass; says so on a t-shirt.

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Sketchy: I'm no stranger to stoner logic.

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Logan Cale: If I just had my ass handed to me by a size three, I'd be inclined to mind my own business.

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Logan Cale: Good luck.

Zack: There's no such thing. Success depends on a well thought out plan that's executed with precision.

Logan Cale: Right.

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Max Guevara: What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve.

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Max Guevara: What's that?

Alec/X5-494: It's a hole in my body made by a bullet.

Max Guevara: Been there, done that. Check the news.

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Max Guevara: You're such a gentleman, too bad I'm not a lady.

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X5 494/"Alec": Copulation between X5 452 and myself successful, Ma'am. Twice.

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Max Guevara: Why is it that guys are so task oriented? It's just work, work, work, work, work.

Sketchy: Because otherwise it's just sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

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X5 494/"Alec": We're living on borrowed time. And if you don't put your heart out there on the line, you're never really living at all.

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Max Guevara: " think I'll call you Alec, as in Smart Alec.

X5 494/"Alec": I can live with that.

Max Guevara: Good, cuz my second choice was Dick.

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Max Guevara: Ready?

X5 494/"Alec": I'm always ready.

Biggs: Funny that's what Lola said.

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Max Guevara: Logan, you've got nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It's never been about you not being able to walk. Not for me.

Logan Cale: Will you look at us!

Max Guevara: Pathetic.

Logan Cale: Hopeless.

Max Guevara: Lucky we hooked up.

Logan Cale: Happy Anniversary.

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Max Guevara: Are you sure about all this? Pierpont Lemkin and the Taliban after some Star Wars widget in a robotic arm somewhere? Next thing you're gonna tell me aliens are involved.

Logan Cale: Wouldn't rule it out.

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[Original Cindy and Max are playing Scrabble. Max is in heat, and Original Cindy says it's obvious because of the words Max is making in the game]

Original Cindy: Jus' look at the words!

Max Guevara: What?

Original Cindy: Hung?

Max Guevara: Like a noose around your neck!

Original Cindy: Prick?

Max Guevara: Like from a needle! YOU have a dirty mind.

Original Cindy: Yeah well what about this one? Which I'm not even gonna say cause I kiss my momma with this mouth!

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Max: Guess we're just gonna have to get their attention, then.

Alec: Please tell me you're gonna get naked.

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Alec/X5-494: You know, this whole tough-chick act thing is really unbecoming. "I'm gonna bounce you on your ass. I'm gonna smack your bitch head." It's so unfeminine.

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[last line of the series]

Logan Cale: [to Max] Now look what you've done.

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Max Guevara: [while riding on Max's motorcycle, Brain puts his hands on Max's chest] Brain.

Brain: Yeah?

Max Guevara: Watch the hands!

Brain: I'm just trying to hang on here.

Max Guevara: Hang on a little lower.

[Brain moves his hands really low]

Max Guevara: Not that low!

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Rafer: [Max is in heat and runs into Rafer] Hey. It's Max, right?

Max Guevara: [She looks at him dreamily, then realizes what she's doing and freaks out] Normal! I need to take a personal day!

[She goes into Normal's office and he's ironing his shirt in his tank. Max is mesmorized by him and before she realizes what she's doing she tries to maul him. Original Cindy comes and pries Max off Normal and punches her in the face]

Max Guevara: Thanks. I needed that.

Original Cindy: [to Normal] Max needs a day off.

Normal: Take a week.

Original Cindy: [as O.C. and Max leave] Damn girl. I didn't think your condition was that bad.

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Max Guevara: [Max is carrying Brain on her back, and he's a heavy load. Then he informs her that he turned himself in to the police on purpose] You what? I'm dying because you turned youself in on purpose!

Brain: I thought you were supposed to be strong.

Max Guevara: I'm not Superwoman!

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Logan Cale: This has been a Streaming Freedom video. Peace, out.

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Logan Cale: Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is a streaming freedom video bulletin. This is a secure cable hack that will last exactly sixty seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city.

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Jace: Feels like I just woke up from a bad dream.

Max Guevara: I know. One of the reasons why I don't sleep. Let me know if it's a boy or a girl.

Jace: Either way, name's gonna be Max.

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Original Cindy: Damn girl, what's in those pills?

Max Guevara: Spinach.

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Max Guevara: You're not even trying

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Jonas Cale: [Upon hearing Logan's conspiracy theory] You watched too many "X-Files" as a boy.

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Max Guevara: I had to have radical emergency amateur brain surgery to remove a nanochip from my cerebellum before I stroked from a neurochemical overload."

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Max Guevara: If he gets out of line, I'll just kill him.

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Max Guevara: Two million years of human evolution and this is what we get.

Max Guevara: You morons.

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Max Guevara: Go for Max.

Joshua: Little fella. Little fella, everything's gone sideways. It's-It's FUBAR. There be people screaming. And-And Gem is trying to keep her legs crossed so the baby won't pop out.

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Joshua: Alec, I'm so glad to see you.

Alec/X5-494: Uh-huh.

Joshua: This is Gem. She's having a baby.

Alec/X5-494: Oh, so naturally you thought of stopping by Jam Pony in broad daylight.

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Max Guevara: They screwed this whole thing upon purpose to escalate the situation.

Alec/X5-494: Yeah, well it worked.

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Max Guevara: You heard the man.

Mole: Well this sucks.

Alec/X5-494: I fought the law and the law won.

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Max Guevara: You're so stupid, the word special comes to mind.

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Zack: Did you look in the yellow pages under "black helicopter operations"?

Logan Cale: Oh, another Manticore wit.

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Max Guevara: We'll play "pin the name on the barcode" later.

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Original Cindy: By the way, some of those black-helicopter storm-trooper folks stopped by, asking about a transgenic teenage killing machine. I said you were out.

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Sketchy: You guys want to head back to Jam Pony?

Original Cindy: He can't.

Herbal: Not for a half hour.

Sketchy: Why not?

Herbal: Normal said if I made two more runs before lunch, he going to make me employee of the week.

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X5 494/"Alec": You know, this isn't exactly a plum assignment for me either. You spent half your life out there in filth and degradation. I could catch something.

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Logan Cale: All set?

Zack: Would I have come back here if everything wasn't all set?

Logan Cale: It's a figure of speech.

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Kendra: Where did you find cold-pressed virgin olive oil from Tuscany in this economy?

Max Guevara: I broke into the Italian embassy.

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Jace: I am dumb. I am so damn dumb, it would take ten acts of divine providence to raise me to the sublime heights of blissful ignorance, sir!

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[to Original Cindy]

Max Guevara: Damn girl, you da' man!

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[to White]

Max Guevara: Bring your muscle queens around anytime. I'll be happy to kick their ass.

[She flicks his broken nose]

Max Guevara: Fen N'est Tol, bitch!

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Sketchy: What's the point of being bi-sexual if you're celibate?

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Max Guevara: [to her clone 453] I thought I was the bitch - but you took the prize!

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Logan Cale: [Max is in heat and is sitting in Logan's car on a stakeout with him. She is having a hard time controlling herself] Can you make out with me while we wait?

Max Guevara: [Dreamily] What?

Logan Cale: Can you make out anything past the gate?

Max Guevara: [Snaps out it, and becomes nervous] No! Not a thing.

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Max Guevara: At Manticore, Lydecker used to tell us the same thing - "there are no limits. "What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve... With the right training." Only we could still get shot and killed like Eva starve to death... Or drown. I've often wondered why we didn't just turn on him. We were stronger, faster. Any one of us could have snapped his neck before he knew what hit him, but we were too scared and he knew it.

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Max Guevara: I'm not that high-minded. Lydecker's the one guy that knows what's going on in this freak show body of mine... Whether or not this bar code has an expiration date. I guess I couldn't let him die with that secret.

Logan Cale: Whatever you have to tell yourself. Fact is, you saved a man's life.

Max Guevara: A bad man.

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Zack: I'll never... Tell... You... Anything.

[Zack smiles at Lydecker with blood dripping from his mouth]

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Max Guevara: Word: bad guys with guns got sent to your place to kill people.

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Donald Lydecker: Sometimes when you grease the palm, it makes the fingers slippery.

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Det. Matt Sung: You know, I'm getting the sense that you are not a man to be taken lightly. Am I right about that, Mr. Ronald? Are you not a man to be taken lightly?

Normal: Uh... Mmm... Yeah. I mean, no. Uh... Uh, yeah, I most certainly am... not.

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[Logan puts off a job to have dinner with Max]

Max Guevara: Don't hold up the world on my account.

Logan Cale: The world will still be broken in the morning.

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Logan Cale: Just get him to the courtroom in one piece so he can talk.

Max Guevara: Does he need to have all his teeth?

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Bling: Whatcha going to do?

Max Guevara: What I always do. Make it up as I go along.

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White: Pain is a phantom of the mind.

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Kendra: I feel almost human.

Max Guevara: Yeah. Me, too.

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Max Guevara: Nice haircut.

Logan Cale: Nice gunshot wound.

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[after Max has beaten him five times in a row in chess]

Logan Cale: Isn't it against the superhuman code to use your powers to take advantage of we mere mortals?

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Logan Cale: Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else, like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know it happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that she's not really gone, that she's still out there, and I just hope she's okay.

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Logan Cale: In case you haven't caught on by now, this girl's gonna do what she's gonna do no matter what you or anyone else says, so you've got two choices: back off or pitch in.

Max Guevara: What he said.

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Logan Cale: You have that "Logan I need a favor" look on your face.

Max Guevara: Don't I always? I mean, isn't that the only reason why I come around?

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Donald Lydecker: Remember what I taught you. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Max Guevara: Shut up.

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Max Guevara: Kendra, this is a motorcycle. Its sole reason for being is to go fast, very fast. Not for you to use as a clothesline. Now, make no mistake. I love you as a friend and a roommate, but I love my motorcycle more. Stay away from the bike, okay?

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[repeated line]

Max Guevara: No big dealio.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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