Courtney: Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything.
Whitney: He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.
Kasey: Courtney'll get captain. The guys like touching her butt.
Darcy: Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to. What's the plural for 'butt'? On one person, I mean.
Carver: She puts the "ass" in "massive".
Darcy: You put the "lewd" in "deluded".
Sparky: I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.
Missy: Hey, perv.
Missy: Hand over your fifteen bucks or get out of here.
Cliff: What are you doing?
Missy: Making money from guys oogling my goodies
Cliff: Aww, I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share.
Courtney: Why does everyone have to go on a diet?
Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high.
Sparky: [the cheerleaders form a line for Sparky to inspect] You, you have weak ankles. One of your calves is bigger than the other. Too much makeup. Not enough makeup. What's with the skin? Say it with me SUNLIGHT. Male cheerleaders, enough said. Smile. Don't smile. Ah, good tone and general musculature. Report those compliments to your ass before it gets so big it forms it's own website! And you, I take you to be the captain, which means you'll probably need more work than anybody.
Courtney: Let's not put the "duh" in dumb!
Courtney: I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit! We learned that routine fair and square. We logged the man-hours. Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake. This isn't about cheating. This is about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?
Whitney: [Courtney and Whitney notice Torrance flirting with Cliff] Oh, don't play dumb. We're better at it then you.
Courtney: You were having cheer-sex with him!
Aaron: We'll be reunited at Cal State Dominguez Hills! I'll be the experienced sophomore, you'll be the hot new freshman. It'll be just like high school, only better. Dorm rooms.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Jan: Hey, ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?
Big Red: You are all great athletes, thanks in large part... to me.
Darcy: Big Red ran the show, man. We were just flying ignorami, for sobbing out loud.
Jan: You know, all the cheerleaders in the world wouldn't help our football team.
Les: It's just wrong. Cheering for them is just plain mean!
Missy: What is your sexuality?
Les: Well, Jan's straight, and I'm... controversial.
Missy: Are you trying to tell me you speak fag?
Les: Oh, fluently.
Isis: You wanna make it right? Then when you go to Nationals... bring it. Don't slack off because you feel sorry for us. That way, when we beat you, we'll know it's because we're better.
Torrance Shipman: Oh, I'll bring it. Don't worry.
Isis: I never do.
Torrance Shipman: You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.
Christine Shipman: That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.
Torrance Shipman: Ever been to a cheerleading competition?
Missy: Oh, you mean like a football game?
Torrance Shipman: No, not a game, those are like practices for us. I'm talking about a tournament. ESPN cameras all around. Hundreds of people cheering.
Cliff: Wait a minute, people cheering... cheerleaders?
Torrance Shipman: That's right. Lots of people. Here's the deal, Missy. We're the shit, the best. We work hard, have fun, and win national championships. I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.
Missy: See, I'm a hardcore gymnast. No way jumping up and down yelling "Go Team Go!" is gonna satisfy me.
Torrance Shipman: We're gymnasts too, except no beams, no bars, no vault.
Aaron: You're a great cheerleader, Tor, and you're cute as hell. Maybe you're just not "captain" material.
Torrance Shipman: You're a great cheerleader, Aaron, and you're cute as hell, but maybe you're just not "boyfriend" material.
Torrance Shipman: So, is that your band or something?
Cliff: The Clash? Uh... no. It's a British punk band, circa 1977 to 1983-ish, original lineup anyway.
Torrance Shipman: How vintage!
Jan: They don't go, we win; once again, we're the best.
Torrance Shipman: I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them. They have to go.
Aaron: Big Red's a bitch, we all know that! Even she knows that!
Sparky: I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!
Torrance Shipman: Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.
Courtney: You are being a cheer-tator Torrance and a pain in my ass!
Missy: All right, we'll just get it over with. Hey, Torrance, get over here.
[Torrance comes over]
Missy: My brother wants to check out your rack.
Torrance Shipman: [Torrance is stressed after knowing they had stolen Clovers' routine] Do you know what this means? My entire cheerleading career has been a lie.
Missy: Well, look on the bright side - It's only cheerleading!
Torrance Shipman: I *am* only cheerleading.
Jenelope: Can we just beat these Buffys down so I can go home? I'm on curfew girl.
Kasey: Except, it's gonna cost us $2,000.
Darcy: Do I have the letters 'A-T-M' tatooed on my forehead?
Torrance Shipman: I was thinking more D-A-D-D-Y.
Big Red: I'm sexy, I'm cute, / I'm popular to boot.
The Toros Squad: I'm bitchin', great hair, / The boys all love to stare, / I'm wanted, I'm hot, / I'm everything you're not, / I'm pretty, I'm cool, / I dominate this school, / Who am I? Just guess, / Guys wanna touch my chest, / I'm rockin', I smile, / And many think I'm vile, / I'm flyin', I jump, / You can look but don't you hump, / Whoo / I'm major, I roar, / I swear I'm not a whore, / We cheer and we lead, / We act like we're on speed, / Hate us 'cause we're beautiful, / Well we don't like you either, / We're cheerleaders, / We are cheerleaders. /Roll call...
Big Red: Call me Big Red.
Whitney: I'm W-W-W-W-Whitney.
[Courtney makes cat snarl]
Darcy: Dude, it's Darcy.
Carver: I'm big bad Carver. Yeah!
Kasey: Just call me Kasey!
Big Red: I'm... still Big Red, / I sizzle, I scorch, / But now I pass the torch, / The ballots are in, / And one girl has to win, / She's perky, she's fun, / And now she's number one, / K-K-Kick it Torrance, / T-T-T-Torrance!
Torrance Shipman: I'm strong and I'm loud, / I'm gonna make you proud, / I'm T-T-T-Torrance, / Your captain Torrance.
The Toros Squad: Let's go Toros. /We are the Toros, / The Mighty Mighty Toros, / We're so terrific, / We must be Toros.
Torrance Shipman: If we're gonna be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo,
Torrance Shipman: so take a big whiff!
Les: You know, everyone's saying that your ambition broke Carver's leg.
Torrance Shipman: When really it was the angle in which she slammed into the ground.
Les: Kasey did a massive e-mail last night, misspelled "leg".
Torrance Shipman: Shut up!
Les: Two G's.
Aaron: I got the door, Torr! I got the door, Torr!
Darcy: Can she yell?
Torrance Shipman: I don't know, let's try an oldie.
[Torrance tests a standard cheer on her]
Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one!
Missy: [cheering] I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort!
[back to normal tone]
Missy: OK, so I never cheered before. So what? What about doing something that actually requires neurons.
Torrance Shipman: It's her last cheerleading practice. How would you guys feel?
Courtney: Big Red has no feelings.
Whitney: Just testicles.
Whitney: [talking about Missy to Courtney] Excuse me, where did you park your Harley?
Rappin' White Girl: Yo, yo, yo, whassup, whassup? It's time to get busy! So let's kick this shit, and knock the CK off your pants, yeah!
Courtney: [whispering to Whitney] Do it.
Whitney: Front handspring step out, round-off backhandspring step-out, round-off back handspring, full-twisting layout.
Courtney: [Missy completes the tumbling pass] Where is this girl from? Romania?
Courtney: sorry new girl, but nobody hit your buzzer...
Isis: Know what? She's right. See, then we'd be doing them a favor. Then they could feel good about sending raggedy Ann up here to jack us for our cheers.
Torrance Shipman: 'Raggedy Ann'?
Isis: Ugly redhead with a video camera permanently attached to her hand. Y'all been coming up here for years trying to steal our routines.
Lafred: And we just love seeing them on ESPN.
Torrance Shipman: What are you talking about?
Isis: 'Brr, it's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the atmosphere'? I know you don't think a white girl made that shit up. Our free cheer service is over as of this moment.
Isis: Every time we get some, here y'all come trying to steal it, putting some blonde hair on it and calling it something different. We've had the best squad around for years, but no one's been able to see what we can do. But you better believe, all that's gonna change this year. I'm captain, and I guarantee you we'll make it to Nationals. So just hand over the tape you made tonight, we'll call it even for now.
Torrance Shipman: We don't have any tape.
Missy: Really. We just came to see the show.
Jenelope: What? Come on, Isis! Let me do this!
Isis: You know what? Let's go.
Jenelope: Wait a minute. So that's it? We're just gonna let them go?
Isis: Yeah. Because unlike them, we have class.
Torrance Shipman: I swear I had no idea.
Isis: Well, now you do.
Jenelope: Huh! You been touched by an angel, girl!
Missy: You ripped off those cheers!
Torrance Shipman: Excuse me, Missy, our cheers are 100% original. Count the trophies!
Missy: Well, your trophies are bullshit, and you're a sadass liar.
Torrance Shipman: All right, that's it! Get out of the car, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Courtney: Where the hell are my spanky pants?
Justin Shipman: Hey, I have to tell you something!
Torrance Shipman: I'm on the phone creep!
Justin Shipman: I realize that, and normally I'd be listening on the other line, but this is important.
Torrance Shipman: Ok, what?
Torrance Shipman: [Justin Shipman jumps and farts twice] Ugh! Get Out!
Justin Shipman: Thank you for listening.
Torrance Shipman: [about Cliff] He's your brother, you don't see him the way I do.
Missy: And that's a good thing because that would be a crime.
Cliff: So, second place... how does it feel?
Torrance Shipman: It feels like first.
Cheerleaders: [Cheerleaders from opposing team] Hey, Toros! / That's right / The red black and white / Guess What / Guess What / You really SUCK!
Torrance Shipman: Hey...
The Toros Squad: That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday! / That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday!
Darcy: The words "big" and "britches" come to mind.
Whitney: She's crazy. She'll kill us all.
Courtney: Some of us haven't spent the whole summer working out. Right, Carver?
Darcy: Bring on the tyros, the neophytes, and the dilettantes.
Jan: SATs are over, Darcy.
Darcy: And you're still jealous of my score.
Sparky: I understand you have underwear up your ass right now, but it beats the hell out of a shattered skull. Think about it.
Football Player #1: Jan's got spirit, yes he do!
Football Player #2: Jan's got spirit, how bout you?
Jan: Dude! You just lost!
Torrance Shipman: Get out of here!
Justin Shipman: Hey, this is the living room, it's public domain!
Justin Shipman: [after Torrance cannot get through to her boyfriend Aaron on the phone] I'll take out famous losers for $200, Alex.
Torrance Shipman: Shut up, moron!
Justin Shipman: It's not my fault you're in love with a big gay cheerleader who won't return your phone calls.
Torrance Shipman: Aaron isn't gay!
Justin Shipman: Oh, so someone just made him become a cheerleader?
Torrance Shipman: He's just busy!
Justin Shipman: Yeah, busy scamming on guys!
Torrance Shipman: Give me that!
[rips out Justin's Nintendo game connection]
Justin Shipman: Bitch!
Missy: So is every game that eventful?
Torrance Shipman: No, thank God. We have a real situation on our hands. I mean, we were humiliated on our own turf.
Missy: We might have to have a rumble.
Torrance Shipman: This is a serious problem!
Missy: Oh, so is your breath.
Missy: I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win. I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.
Torrance Shipman: Thank God you're here this season Missy. I couldn't have done it alone.
Missy: Aww, tear.
[she points to an invisible tear on her face]
Male Toro Cheerleader: [when Missy storms out of her first Cheerleader Practice] Hey, practice isn't over yet.
Les: Pinch a penny, someone's slacking.
Jan: Do I look like a milkmaid 'cause somebody feels like a cow.
Torrance Shipman: You're a great cheerleader, Aaron, it's just that... maybe you're not exactly "boyfriend material". Buh-bye.
Theatre Boy: [performing] Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Harold Square...
Courtney: Excuse me! What's... with... the song?
Theatre Boy: Isn't this the audition for Pippin?
Courtney: [waves finger] No.
Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: [at cheerleading auditions, a girl comes out looking devastated] R-C-H
[starts blubbering and crying pathetically]
Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: Toros all the way!
Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: I'm sorry, I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Isis: Where we come from, 'cheer' is not a word you hear very often...
Lava: They should call us 'inspiration leaders' instead.
Jenelope: Ooo, that's deep... I like that
Lafred: Look, I don't know why we writin to some talk show host. It's like we begging for charity or somethin'
Isis: It's not charity. Pauletta's from our neighborhood. She'll understand why we need the money.
Lafred: [laughing] tell her we need to buy doughnuts. Her big butt'll understand that.
Jenelope: Aha - stop trying to be counter-productive.
Lafred: Lava, stop teaching her these big words before she choke on one.
Jenelope: No, betta I choke you, LaFred!
Big Red: This season should've been gravy, ok? I handpicked the squad, I delivered an idiot-proof routine... Now, Platter... nationals, hello?
Torrance Shipman: Don't you mean a stolen routine?
Big Red: Don't be so naive, Torrance. Look, the truth is I was real leader, ok? I did what I had to do to win a nationals. And ever since I handed the reins over to you, you've run my squad straight into the ground! If I made any mistake as a squad leader, it wasn't borrowing cheers. It was announcing you as my successor.
Cliff: [after Missy leaves] I begged my mom for a brother.
Torrance Shipman: He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, wouldn't he?
Courtney: Tell me we're not doing this whole audition thing, let's cut the crap and pick somebody now! Whitney's sister Jamie is really teeny. She'll be easy to toss, and she doesn't give lip.
Jan: Just tongue.
Whitney: Kiss my ass, Jan!
Jan: Love to.
Football Player #1: Why don't you let your cheerleaders come out and play for you, at least they win shit occasionally.
Toros Quarterback: Ah, is that all you've got?
Toros Tight End: Yeah, bring it on buttplug!
Football Player #1: You want more? Alright, while we're out here kicking your ass, your cheerboys are over there, scamming on all your squirrel.
Football Player #2: Which is cool, since you ain't got dicks anyway!
Toros Quarterback: Hehe, bitch!
[they fight as both benches clear]
Torrance Shipman: Well, I hope you're not too busy to hear this. Kiss my ass, Aaron. It's over.