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5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
From the director of Intimate Nights. Spoilers., 6 June 2003
Author: bluethunder35 (bluethunder35@hotmail.com) from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Once again, Jay Madison mixes up an equal mix of horrible acting and women for another "magnum opus", Illicit Lovers.

In a review of Intimate Nights, I forgot to mention that before the film starts, we see scenes from the movie being shown, much like how a T.V. show recaps scenes from a past or future episode. Same thing in this one, too, so you'll have a chance to take a look at the medical disasters that make up the female cast.

In a nutshell, the story is about a man who loses his job and his wife decides to rent him out as an escort to her friends and later others. He reluctantly does this while his wife shows her greediness in the money made by prostituting him out. After awhile, she has a change of heart and fortunately for her, the husband is very forgiving and all is well.

Although the film has morals and that's something unique in this genre, the film fails in every other category.

The women - Michelle Perry is a frighteningly hideous woman. How anyone could think this mutant freak is sexy is shocking. A bad mixture of plastic surgery and bad tanning have disfigured her. Just check out the opening scene where she takes off her bathing suit for Steve Curtis. You won't be turned on, you'll be repulsed. And she looks to be 40 in the film; it's like she and Curtis' character are a May-December couple. The other ladies (including Gabriella Hall) are a bit better, but aren't these films supposed to have more attractive women than the hardcore films.

The acting - Perry actually does a decent job, but Steve Curtis is brutal. The males actually seem to do a better job than the females in this category, but not here. Curtis' delivers an annoying, corny, wimpy performance. You'd think he'd be more at home on an episode of "Queer As Folk". Also, the lady at the employment offices is brutal; why the film makers decided someone with a snarky, rude, hate-the-world attitude was a good idea was beyond me? A woman like that would be fired in the real world. Then again, this film was probably set in a Bizarro World version of California...

The logic - Like Intimate Nights, some things make absolutely no sense. Why did Curtis' character get fired from his job? The film doesn't even explain it. Was he constantly late? Was he taking longer lunch beaks? Was the son of the boss taking over his post? Did he piss off management? Was he using his bosses' Internet account to view naughty pictures? Why? Obviously, he did something really bad without knowing it, as the boss wanted him out of the office immediately and even hired a thuggish, stereotypical moving man to clear the office for him. The film didn't even explain it. Why couldn't he find another job? It was 1999, wasn't there a boom in the dot-com business? The film just treats his attempts to find another office job as a joke. There wasn't another job like his in L.A., or was this just another reason to explain that this must be a Bizarro World version of L.A.? I suppose Curtis' character was a devout Catholic, which was why he was faithful to his wife, despite her greed and other vices, too. Or perhaps she wore the pants in the household, despite doing nothing but lazing in the sun while he pulled in the paycheques. Just the same stupid logic.

All in all, I don't recommend this film. It has nothing to offer. There's better and you know where to find them.

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7 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Comments to former unreliable source, 11 May 2007
Author: SuzetteAndrea from United States

First, I would like to comment to the jerk who said this film was "porn". It is NOT porn, and if you were ANY kind of man, you'd know that. Have you seen porn before little boy? If so, then you'd know this is not one of them. It is simply called NC17 Rated NOT X, which means simulated sex and nudity. No actual real sex going on here, son. As for myself in doing this type of film, this was the first and only film that I did of this sort, which is neither bad nor good, it just is. Sometimes being in Hollywood, you come across films like these that offer you money when you keep putting your groceries on your credit card, and therefore, they don't seem so bad at the time. They aren't bad, just not great type of films that you wouldn't take your child to, by any means. As far as the acting is concerned, when you are acting in such films as these, they give you the script at times THAT DAY or maybe (if you're lucky) a day or two ahead of time, therefore, the actors are scrambling to memorize and get to know their characters in any way what so ever before filming begins. Third, it is unnerving to have 20 to 30 crew members watch you and try to make anything believable when the producers themselves simply want to make a "quick" film and be done with it. So, don't judge, jerk-off, unless you've been there yourself and you've been in Hollywood and you've scraped for your meals and you know what it's like to struggle. Considering the little amount of time these films are written, memorized, and produced, this is one of the better ones! It's not like normal film making with millions of dollars in budgets where they take 8 to 12 months of filming! You obviously are just a pathetic guy sitting at your computer begging for a bone to be thrown your way. Good luck! And for those of you looking for a film to just hang out with your honey, get a little hot, have some wine, and perhaps not take it so seriously, this is your film! Now go have some fun and thanks for watching! ~Suzette

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2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Michelle Perry worths the watch. Only for her few fans., 11 March 2006

Author: insomniac_rod from Noctropolis

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In "Illicit Lovers" we have a male prostitute, I mean, escort, that works for his wife. Yes, the wife rents her husband for money. While the idea sounds sexy if you take in account that the main goal of these movies is sex; the plot is dull and gets boring pretty quick. The main situation is that the husband falls in love with one of his clients, who in some point of the movie, rents him for a whole week! and pays the modest sum of $30,000. Or something like that. The horny client wasn't as hot as the wife, by the way.

Well, the sex scenes are somehow good. I liked the one that deals with a horny MILF getting it on a desk. Also, any scene involving Michelle Perry was worth the watch. She's a delight to watch; her perfect beautiful face, her great breasts, and her sexy legs were the main reason for me to watch the movie. Thanks Mrs. Perry for wearing those sexy mini skirts and outfits.

Anyways, I wouldn't recommend you to watch this movie because it's very boring and not sexy enough to track it down. I watched it only because of Michelle Perry. Now, if you don't like women like her, then this movie will annoy you big time. Watch it only if it airs on Cinemax. And of course, wait only for the sex scenes.

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3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Rent this movie, please! B+, 28 August 2000
Author: Smooth B from Somewhere In Illinois

Michelle Perry....now there's a name I have to remember. Not only is she beautiful, but she's a healthy girl. Not fat, but just the right amount in all the right places. Now she's got some meat on her bones!

Okay, now what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the movie.

When a woman's husband (woman played by Michelle Perry) loses his job, his brainstorming wife comes up with an outlandish scheme...."How about I rent you out to my friends for cash?"

That's right. She makes her hubby become a gigolo.

And she names the business "Rent My Husband, Please." Yep.

Now, this is the type of gigolo I'd like to be, if I ever became one! Not the ones who wine and dine the middle-aged spinsters, but the ones who get to sleep with the most beautiful women you've ever laid your eyes on. There's this one girl in there who has a great body and an Australian accent! Wow!

Even though many men would kill to be in his position, the poor guy can't keep up. He wants his old office job back. That's when I lost faith in the movie. But who can blame him....his wife becomes a slavedriver, not caring about how he feels. He's just a piece of meat, but to me....that's okay, as long as he still gets to have sex with the hot women.

Alas, it doesn't work out the way I wanted it to (i.e. guy leaving wife to become a gigolo full-time...on his own) but at least it was fun while it lasted. Take a good look at it the next time it's on Cinemax.

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4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Uh...yeah, 8 March 2004
Author: MissMeggie from Modesto

Porn is good. Porn is fun. Porn is not meant to be a serious film. However, these filmmakers obviously thought this was the little porn that could. One day, some hardcore screenwriter looked at his script and said, "this could be a real movie". And then it was, and things got very, very ugly. Flaws include casting (Suzette Andrea as Denise is utterly unconvincing as someone that could lure a husband from his sexy wife; Michele Perry looks way to old for her husband) and hair and makeup (again, Suzette Andrea has some ridiculous hairstyles). Chief flaw, however, is dialogue. When Denise compares love to a rose to Susan at first one is induced to wonder if she's being sarcastic; when the realization comes that Denise is actually trying to have a serious heart to heart with Susan it is obvious once again that yes, you are watching a glorified porno.

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4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Only rent this movie if you want to pick on it., 25 October 2000

Author: (paperclip2000) from Pittsburgh, PA

It's like one of those 70's movies that you rent with your friends just to sit around and laugh at the poor acting and ridiculous characters (and pity whoever directed it). I am upset that I wasted a free movie ticket from blockbuster on Illicit Lovers. It is definitely a movie NOT worth seeing. This was hardly even a mild porn. The plot was as dumb as hell, and the acting... I've seen school plays with better acting than some parts in the movie. But I guess that's what you can expect from pornography. or maybe I should call it just "ography" because there was no porn in it. Just boobs. Some were kind of nasty too. But foremost, I'd have to say that I was very disappointed in the plot. Why would an all-loving wife rent out her husband to all her friends just to make some money and, hey, maybe catch a few STD's! Personally, I found that disgusting. All of this because he lost his job, and couldn't find a job through the employment agency. Okay, so go to stores and apply in person- you don't need to have sex with a hundred people. The characters were just too shallow to even have a clue about reality. but hey, what do you expect?

Alright, i guess you could say that bad acting, a bad plot, ditzes, and dumb lines are all just inherently part of a porno. Well, see that's the problem, I wanted the lameness of the movie to be compensated by more visual portrayals of sex. But... there wasn't- and some of the sex was just too revolting.

So, if you're with your girlfriend, or boyfriend, and have nothing to do on a Friday night and you want to feel better about your relationship (and want a good laugh), then watch this movie (and see how dumb the people are in it and how much better your relationship is than theirs.)

Otherwise, if you want some action, head to the adult section.

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2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Illicit Lovers created a new phrase in my vocabulary, 5 February 2005
Author: alvinhoffman from United States

Silicon Valley is the home of many high tech firms. This film came from Silicon Mountains. Don't these girls know when too much looks artificial? They are beautiful, but too much silicone is distracting. If Steve had been a lawyer his actions would be acceptable. But accountants seem unimaginative so his wife needed to take command. Accountants are not supposed to be creative. Good Steve was mentally straight even thought he bought into the wife's pushing under duress. The unreal ending had me puzzled. What type of business is he being asked to run? How much will it pay? Why is he on a vacation when he should be starting work. Is Steve really an incompetent at work but great as a husband?

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Abaout Michelle Perry, 5 June 2007

Author: Erwin from Chile

Hi, I saw the movie Ilicit Lovers. The movie is not very good, but i loved to actress Michelle Perry. She is very beautiful, and his body is great, his legs, his breast, all about her.

I come from Chile, and i would like know if she have other movies, and if can get the original movie Illicit Lovers, and the other movies where she acts. Also, i want to know, if she have more links od internet, and if she is actually working like actress.

Please help me, for to know how i can get this.

Thanks for all.

Regards from Chile.

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1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Not very rowdy and shallow at all, there's a point!, 2 December 2002
Author: sungwon444 from Buffalo, NY

I must admit, I usually avoid these adult-oriented films, after all, they're very lowly, and plus, it's wrong looking at them. I felt guilty when I took a look at this one, Illicit Lovers, that is, at first....before even knowing what it was about.

After seeing the movie, I was impressed. This movie does not have explicit sexual material, and at the same time, everything is clean and cut, and you may not believe this, but there is actually a moral message! I mean, seriously... The movie ends nicely, with a nice message.

It's about this guy losing his job, and he comes home with the bad news. His selfish wife ( a beautiful actress named Michelle Perry) is really distraught, so she basically forces her husband to escort other women for some big dough, some quick cash. Usually, in these lowly adult films, we would expect the guy to take advantage of this offer, this so called "rent" available for women, but the guy in this movie feels really bad, and he's actually loyal to his wife. He really loves her, and has no interest in fulfilling his fantasies. His wife meanwhile is really indulged in earning some money, and has little concern for what her husband does.

Yes, there is a point. The point is, marriage is a lifetime, yet fragile commitment. If marriage isn't nurtured, and taken seriously, life could be a big mess. Basically, cheating relationships outside of marriage don't get you anywhere.

I was really impressed with the message.

Also, of course, Michelle Perry is just a pure hottie, a beauty, and she has a nice body with nice breasts.

But that's all i have to say about this movie. Not worth talking more about...

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