Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999– )
[Looking through a victim's purse for ID]
Olivia Benson: No jewelry. I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Olivia Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me.
Elliot Stabler: Heh...
Det. Elliot Stabler: [sees Warner enter the restaurant where he and Olivia are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.
M.E. Melinda Warner: I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.
Det. Olivia Benson: Am I going to want to stop eating for this?
M.E. Melinda Warner: Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.
Det. Olivia Benson: All right, I'm done.
[pushes her salad away. Elliot shrugs and takes it]
Det. Olivia Benson: Your one night as a bachelor and you go to the grocery store? That's lame.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [shrugs] A grocery store with strippers.
Narrator: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.
[after he lost on a game]
John Munch: Damn it. I died.
[Fin grabs the controller]
Fin Tutuola: Let me see me this.
Fin Tutuola: [everyone is staring at him after he has just explained what 'sex on the DL' is] Don't look at me, I just know stuff.
Neighbor: [a snoopy neighbor witnessed a rape and didn't report it] Do I need a lawyer?
Elliot Stabler: For being a peeping tom? No, you just need a shrink.
[repeated line when suspects give a "great" excuse for what they've done]
ADA Casey Novak: Is that the best you can come up with?
ADA David Goreman: So you're an expert on sex crimes - is that correct?
Brian Cassidy: Well, we all have something to learn...
ADA David Goreman: I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical, or 'psycho-sexual' term, if you will - for fondling a stranger?
Brian Cassidy: [thinking] ... Fromage?...
ADA David Goreman: I believe it's "frottage".
Brian Cassidy: Right, right - "frottage".
Capt. Donald Cragen: My wife was on an Orlando turnaround as a flight attendant, and I was home, scrubbing algae off the tiles around the swimming pool that we never used, the one that got me into hot water with Internal Affairs, because 'what's a cop doing with an in-ground pool", right?, and then the phone rang, the call she always expected, always dreaded.
Fin Tutuola: [Munch starts one of his theories... ] Don't get him started on one of his conspiracy theories!
Capt. Donald Cragen: What would it take to get a blanket DNA on an entire facility?
ADA Alexandra Cabot: A constitutional amendment.
M.E. Melinda Warner: [performing an autopsy with the detectives present] No fluids present. Tests show spermicide common in condoms.
[removes an organ from the body and weighs it]
Elliot Stabler: This is fun.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Are you gonna eat this?
John Munch: Suppose we say yes.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Suppose I was just being polite.
John Munch: That would be a first.
Brian Cassidy: Go ahead, Munch doesn't eat veggies
Det. Monique Jefferies: Really? I heard that's not the only thing John doesn't... eat.
John Munch: Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only a detective but a member of my own squad.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [to Fin during a card game] What's your favorite kind of torture?
Olivia Benson: You're under arrest for attempted kidnapping and reckless endangerment. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.