Longbaugh: There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
Longbaugh: A heart is the only thing that has value. If you have one, get rid of it.
Joe Sarno: So, you the brains of this outfit, or is he?
Longbaugh: Tell ya the truth, I don't think this is a brains kind of operation.
Joe Sarno: Fifteen million dollars is not money. It's a motive with a universal adaptor on it.
Joe Sarno: I promise you a day of reckoning that you won't live long enough to never forget.
Parker: A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum, three grand.
Parker: There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says that the good guys always win. That you die when it's your time, or you have it coming. That the ending is always happy, if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear to us that our path had been chosen and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage. So, we stepped off the path, and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us. Once off the path you do what you can to eat and to keep moving. You don't blow your ghost of a chance with nickel and dime. No possessions, no comforts. Need is the ultimate monkey. A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum, three grand. You keep your life simple and you can literally self sustain.
Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car!
Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass!
Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!
Raving Bitch: You're gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend's gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he's fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I'm gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!
Bar Patron: Go ahead.
Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He's gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He's not even gay but he'll do it just to fuck...
Bar Patron: Honey honey. She's got a big mouth but she's not kidding. I'm gonna whip you silly and I'm gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.
P Whipped: She's right though. I'm gonna whip you silly, then I'm gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.
Hale Chidduck: Do you believe in karma?
Joe Sarno: Karma's justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.
Parker: Don't you think it's funny that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches me, she's fighting for her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, I'm a homophobe?
Joe Sarno: The only thing you can guess about a broken down old man is that he is a survivor.
[Parker and Longbaugh are looking at the cash out in the open at the brothel]
Longbaugh: What do you think?
Parker: I think a plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
Hale Chidduck: I'd never ask you to trust me. It's the cry of a guilty soul.
Parker: Can I ask you something? Are you a faggot? See, you asked me if I was heterosexual; I asked you the same question, only I was clear about the answer I was looking for.
Longbaugh: I've... never killed a man.
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?
Longbaugh: I said I never killed a man.
Interviewer: I didn't ask if you had.
Longbaugh: You asked why I thought I was qualified, I think of that as qualification.
Interviewer: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.
Longbaugh: I would say thats a big fucking qualification - excuse me, a very important qualification.
Interviewer: No one's ever said that before.
Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?
Longbaugh: You should.
[Narration after the shoot-out at the brothel]
Parker: We don't want your forgiveness. We won't make excuses. We're not gonna blame you, even if you are an accessory... But we will not except your natural order. We didn't come for absolution, we didn't ask to be redeemed. But isn't how it is, every goddamn time... Your prayers are always answered, in the order they're received...
Longbaugh: You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed.
Longbaugh: We die here, we die alone
Abner Mercer: She's... she's up there with them... with the doctor and the colored fella. Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry, Joe.
Joe Sarno: There's no, uh... need to be sorry, Abner.
Abner Mercer: I'm dyin'.
Joe Sarno: We'll get somebody right away.
Abner Mercer: No. It's not... not like I'm scared or anything.
Joe Sarno: Listen, Abner...
Abner Mercer: I'm dyin', Joe.
[Nods off for 20 seconds, appears to be dead]
Abner Mercer: . Remember that time, the time... that we... aw, jeez.
Joe Sarno: What time?
Abner Mercer: I'm dyin', Joe.
Joe Sarno: I'm sorry, Abner.
Abner Mercer: Joe?
Joe Sarno: Yeah, Abner. I'm right here.
Abner Mercer: If it's not too much trouble, I'd kind of like to be alone.
Abner Mercer: .
Joe Sarno: [shakes hand] . To 'let live.'
Abner Mercer: [chuckles softly]
Longbaugh: I've been watching them pile up. Nightstick, flashlight, bulletproof vest.
Joe Sarno: Fuckin' utility belts, right?
Longbaugh: Fuckin' sign on his head reading "Why Bother?"
Joe Sarno: Hey, they love to say shit like "ascertain".
Joe Sarno: "Affirmative."
Longbaugh: "I need backup."
Joe Sarno: "Adjudicate."
Joe Sarno: Yeah, well...
Longbaugh: But, you know, then you got the other side. You got these trigger-happy cocksuckers all about the shooting and posturing and 'you don't know who I am' kind of thing..."I been to prison."
Joe Sarno: 'cuase you got caught, dumb fuck.
Longbaugh: These days, they want to be criminals more than they want to commit crime.
Joe Sarno: Well that's... that's not just crime. That's the way of the world.
Parker: For the record I'll call myself Mr. Parker. My associate will be Mr. Longbaugh.
Parker: The longest distance between two points is a kidnapper and his money.
Longbaugh: Why's that such a big deal?
Interviewer: Because no one brings up sex with dead people!
Longbaugh: 'Course they don't, it's sick.
Interviewer: You brought it up!
Longbaugh: Only to say I never did it.
Interviewer: I didn't ask you that.
Longbaugh: [smiling] You should.
Parker: Need is the ultimate monkey.
Parker: Then I heard him praying, now I lay me down to sleep I pray to the lord my soul to keep... and you know something it stayed with me .it bothered me. Of all the people I'd done it too, and that had to be the one I felt and to this day I can't go to sleep unless I say that prayer.
Longbaugh: Wanna get out now? Wanna quit? This is never gonna come your way again.
Longbaugh: If I wanna hit her, I hit. If I wanna miss her, I miss.
Robin: When you think about deaf people, people who are born deaf... who've never heard a spoken word. What do you think they call the sun or their mother... or their own reflection in the mirror? That's what I call it.
Parker: Can't you people see there are guns here? Get, the fuck, OUT! GET OUT!
Parker: You take Los Angeles. Kay. If I say Los Angeles has become, over the years, a mecca for homosexual migration. I am in the right. But look at what I am saying. I am making it sound like faggots are nomadic if not predatory miscreants who have some implied need to move around. I am also likening of the Muslims, or Muslims to them. Whereas saying LA is filled with faggots is just being honest.
Parker: We're not talking about how long you're gonna live, we're talking about how slow you're gonna die.
Parker: It's not what you say anymore. It's how you say it.
Obecks: Well, I'm just talking here... but by their design, all we really need to come back with is the baby... think about it... no money, no perps, no nothing. We could kill these two fucks, take the money, bring Chidduck his baby, and say it all went well.
Jeffers: Well... mostly well.
Obecks: What? The girl?
Obecks: Well when she doesn't show up in a couple of months, it'll be assumed she ate a bullet and they made off for fucking Bolivia... damn it... it doesn't work. The doc...
Jeffers: The doctor gets shot in the fray...
Jeffers: We tried to help him, but it was either him or the baby. He was alive when we took off, and must have died crawling for help in the desert.
Obecks: Creative articulation my good man.
Jeffers: Just talking of course...
Francesca Chidduck: I'm pregnant.
Joe Sarno: I don't think. Neither do I speculate, assume or hypothesise.
Hale Chidduck: A woman needs security like a man needs approval.