Chris Rock: Bring the Pain (1996 TV Special)
Chris Rock: We don't need the Death Penalty, we have the tossed salad man! If I had to choose between the Electric Chair and the tossed salad man I'd be going "Where do you plug this thing in? Shouldn't I be wet?"
Chris Rock: Now, we've got a lot of things. A lot of racism going on in the world right now. Who's more racist? Black people or white people? Black people. You know why? 'Cuz we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people. There's some shit going on with black people. It's like the civil war going on with black people, and there's two sides. There's black people and niggas. The niggas have got to go! Everytime black people want to have a good time, ignorant-ass niggas fuck it up! Can't do shit... can't do SHIT without some ignorant-ass niggas fucking it up!
Chris Rock: Lot of racial shit, this year. Lot of racial shit. What's the big thing? O.J. O.J. was big. Black people too happy, white people too mad. White people are like, 'Man, this is bullshit!' I haven't seen white people that mad since they cancelled M.A.S.H.! Black people are like, 'Hey, we won! We won! WE WON!' WHAT THE FUCK did we win?
Chris Rock: They was interviewing a brother in there, they said now, "Sir, when a new inmate comes in and he wants some drugs, how do you initiate him?" The guy goes, "Well, the first thing I do is make him toss my salad." The guy's like, "'Toss my salad?' What's that?" The guy: "Well, having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with jelly or with syrup. I prefer syrup." I'm not making this up!
Chris Rock: We need prayer in the schools? We don't need prayer in the schools, we need the tossed salad man in schools. That'll straighten the kids out! "Hey, Jimmy, you got a D you know what you gotta do?" "No! No! I don't wanna toss the salad! I don't wanna! I'm goin' read! I'm goin' learn to read!"