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Thor the Conqueror (1983)

Thor il conquistatore (original title)
After both his parents are brutally murdered by his fathers rival Gnut and his men the new born Thor is placed in hiding by the physical embodiment of the god Teisha... See full synopsis »

Director:

(as Anthony Richmond)

Writers:

(screenplay), (story)
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Cast

Credited cast:
Bruno Minniti ...
Thor (as Conrad Nichols)
Maria Romano ...
Ina
Malisa Longo ...
Slave Girl (as Malisa Lang)
Luigi Mezzanotte ...
Etna (as Christopher Holm)
Raf Baldassarre ...
Gnut (as Raf Falcone)
Angelo Ragusa ...
Thor's Father
Rosalba Ciofalo ...
First Warrior Virgin
Elena Wiedermann ...
Second Warrior Virgin
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Artemio Antonini ...
Barbarian Chief
Giovanni Cianfriglia ...
Maneater Chief
Osiride Pevarello ...
Thor Tribesman
Rinaldo Zamperla ...
One of Gnut's Men
Edit

Storyline

After both his parents are brutally murdered by his fathers rival Gnut and his men the new born Thor is placed in hiding by the physical embodiment of the god Teisha... See full synopsis »

Add Full Plot | Plot Synopsis

Genres:

Adventure | Fantasy

Certificate:

R | See all certifications »
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Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

5 February 1983 (Italy)  »

Also Known As:

Thor the Conqueror  »

Company Credits

Production Co:

 »
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Technical Specs

Sound Mix:

Color:

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User Reviews

 
about Thor...
8 April 2009 | by (Saint Paul, Minnesota) – See all my reviews

I like how Thor is a retarded rapist whose only friend is a misogynistic mystic who turns into an owl, doesn't offer help when it's needed, and likes to watch. Wait, I don't like that at all!

Seriously, I pride myself on having seen almost every sword and sorcery movie made in the 80's. Even knowing in advance how bad this movie was supposed to be, it went down pretty hard. Fortunately, I had good company - we've climbed a lot of z-movie Everests before. Even Deathstalker IV was better. To go outside of sword and sorcery, even Star Knight or Nukie compare favorably to Thor.

The only 80's sword and sorcery movies that may be worse are: Princess Warrior, Time Barbarians, and Wizards Of The Demon Sword (1991). I haven't seen these to confirm for myself, but as one of them is supposedly shot on video (and is REALLY bad to begin with), another is a Fred Olen Ray film, and two of them are of the "Barbarian in L.A." type, I'm betting any time spent as an audience with these would be pretty gruesome.

The other IMDb reviewers have this film exactly right. It's miserable. Absolutely unmotivated, and engaging only where it offends or is too seizure-inducingly stupid. (incidentally, the first line I wrote accurately summarizes EVERYTHING in Thor).

There ARE some funny moments. My favorite is when Thor's mystic/mentor produces an - uh, is it all right if I call it an equine? - and explains to him that "this is a creature that will not be called a horse for several centuries," or something to that effect. This, of course, means that if you WANTED to call it a horse in the meantime during the intervening centuries, you'd be stuck.

It doesn't stop being moronic there, though; Thor proceeds to use the horse to, uh........impress his enemies? All he does is ride it up and down a field while his enemies watch; doesn't so much as brandish his sword. Eventually, they flee. I'm sure in the script it said "Thor's enemies, having never seen a horse before, flee in terror." Yeah. That's not really conveyed. But then, not much is in "Thor." My friend and I marveled at its shortcomings.

Recommended for barbarian completists and bad movie fetishists only.


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