4.1/10
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1 user 4 critic

Loons (1991)

| Comedy, Fantasy
Jeff Coukous thought he had a nice, normal life, until he brought his fiance home to meet his mother. Then he learns the truth. The family is cursed. Seems one of his ancestors was a judge ... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Linda Baxter Hardy ...
June Coukos
James O'Brien ...
Jeff Coukos
Diane Mela ...
Kerry Grant
Michael Legge ...
Jasper Coukos / Francis (Silent Sequence) / No Lines (Gangster Sequence) / Lonnie (Werewolf Sequence)
Jan Negri ...
Dr. Fiasco
Maury Doyle ...
Sam Lindquist
Phyllis Weaver ...
Hepzibah Crowley
Tony Ferreira ...
Steve Weevil
Cheryl Miller ...
Nurse
Jay Washburn ...
Albert
Todd Miller ...
Fred who Stares
Mary Ellen Maloney ...
Crazy Woman / Woman (Silent Sequence)
Jonathan Wasserman ...
Restaurant Patron
Julie Dunbar ...
Restaurant Patron
Lee Anna Hazel ...
Restaurant Patron
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Storyline

Jeff Coukous thought he had a nice, normal life, until he brought his fiance home to meet his mother. Then he learns the truth. The family is cursed. Seems one of his ancestors was a judge at the Salem witch trials and he made the mistake of burning a REAL witch. Now all the male progeny of the Coukos family are cursed with hereditary insanity. Written by Anonymous

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Comedy | Fantasy

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(Sepiatone) (one segment)| (two segments)|
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User Reviews

 
Worst DVD in the history of cinema Part 1: Loons
15 October 2003 | by (United States) – See all my reviews

Why the Summary? Well i caught this "movie" (note the quotation marks) on a DVD released by Sub-Rosa that also had "Cutthroats" on it, it also had a short on it, but my DVD player broke down before I got to see it (must have gotten good taste).

I started Loons hoping for the best, which i do for all independent films. I sat through the Prologue in utter disbelief. it was 15 of the most mind-numbing, cringe-inducing piece of excrement that I have ever been subjected to. After 15 MINUTES the titles begun playing..the opening titles. I thought to myself ok, now it'll get better, because it can't get worse.. I was wrong. I was SO VERY wrong. I have no idea how long this was, it felt like hours upon hours upon hours on end. with NOTHING happening, the "movie" just was running in circles just like some mongoloid puppy that is missing it's left front leg & a tail. The "movies" about some curse that makes Loon men crazy. Get It Loon?? Thats the extent of the "humor" Upon ending the film, i choose to watch the second feature on this DVD..was it good?? Stay tuned for part two (CutThroats) I'll give you a hint on the answer...HELL NO!!!

My Grade: F-


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