Ice Scream (1997 Video) User Reviews

Thankfully this is very obscure.

[capkronos · 2/10 · 19 August 2002]

You know you're in trouble during the seemingly endless, sleep-inducing b/w intro starring a couple of monotone kids prancing around a playground chanting "I Scream. You Scream. We all scream for ice cream..." ad nauseum.

Conrad (PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE) Brooks stars as Ricky, overacting owner of a failing ice cream parlor, whose business is revived after he transforms the female employees into the sexy "Scoopettes," dressed in low-cut half-shirts and white miniskirts. The eye-rolling, gum-chewing gals (one in pigtails) take orders and encourage customers to "enjoy every lick" while they sample fine flavors like "horny hazelnut," "virgin vanilla," "orgasmic orange" and "busty buttercrunch". Meanwhile, a killer (with a box over his head) lurks around and kills them off, puts an eyeball in the ice cream and dances around a pole while singing. Some parts of the very cheap shot-on-videotape obscurity are amusing, but it has no gore, no nudity (a real surprise) and is too dark and every other scene seems to be a long montage of the Scoopettes bending over, adjusting their panties and people sticking money, straws, cherries and ice cream cones in their cleavage. Outtakes are shown at the end (Conrad flubbing most of the lines...is he drunk, or what?) and a sequel (ICE SCREAM II: THE SECOND SCOOP) is announced.

I scream you scream we all scream TURN OFF ICE SCREAM!

[LuisitoJoaquinGonzalez · 1/10 · 4 July 2006]

The slasher genre has long been acknowledged as a base source for some of the hottest talents in cinema. As I have said before the likes of Tom Hanks, Ellen Barkin, Mickey Rourke and Holly Hunter all launched their respective careers with bit parts in period splatter movies. But a fact that is often overlooked by followers is that the cycle is equally as significant as a retirement home for luminaries that may have already had their finest hour. The Sam Loomis character alluringly portrayed by Donald Pleasance in Halloween became a landmark ingredient for the category, which would leave the door open for screen veterans to attempt to re-ignite their status. Performers like George Kennedy, Farley Granger, Lawrence Tierney, Martin Landau and even Jack Palance have all added experience to youthful casts in various genre entries.

Ice Scream on the other hand has not opted for the traditional approach of snapping up an old hand with a glittering career history in the top tier. Instead we get B-movie legend Conrad Biedrzycki aka Conrad Brooks, whose credits include the film voted "the worst movie of all time" at The Golden Turkey awards! Yep you guessed it, Brooks was a student of notorious schlock director Ed Wood, and he was a regular addition to his cast lists. His inclusion almost immediately gave Derek Remark's slasher an alluring cult appeal and I could almost taste the cheese dripping from the VHS as I popped it into my VCR.

Randy Smith (Brooks) owns an ice cream parlor in a small city. Not content that the business is as lucrative as it could be, he decides on a huge revamp, which incorporates two of America's most favorable pleasures. Out go the long white overalls of the female employees and in come skimpy mini-skirts and cleavage exposing boob tubes and a new moniker for the flirtatious workforce. Now business is looking good for the 'scoopettes' as they entice male customers with their revealing outfits and cheeky one-liners, which include, 'Enjoy every lick!' All is going swimmingly for Brooks' industry master plan until a psychopathic killer with a cardboard box on his head begins killing off the scoopettes with a carving knife. Will any of them live to whip up a tasty bank balance from their ice cream careers? Or will they melt into B-movie obscurity?

Having watched throughout my life nearly 400-slasher movies, I must admit that I have grown accustomed with director's interesting approaches to padding out a 90-minute runtime. Edwin Brown's The Prey became notorious for it's inclusion of wildlife footage, whilst many titles opt for nonsensical and un-plot related character building. Zemrak on the other hand seems content to continually repeat identical shots of his exceptionally endowed 'scoopettes' preparing ice cream. To be honest I am making Ice Scream sound a lot better than it actually is, and watching semi-attractive porn rejects prepare a king cone becomes very boring very quickly.

The dramatics from the cast are as vomit inducing as you'd expect and Conrad Brooks hams his way through the runtime like his preparing to become the hottest purchase at a delicatessen. The mystery element is non-existent, and I am positive that any one with even half a brain will guess the identity of the madman in the first ten minutes. The murders are sparse and bloodless and the only shock I got from the feature was the fact that it ever managed to secure distribution. Ice Scream seems to take place in a dimension far from planet Earth, because even after the deceased workers and their limbs are discovered littering the parlor, Scoopettes still remains open all hours for business!

After watching Ice Scream, I now feel sure that it is unfair to call Plan 9 from outer Space the worst movie of all time. I am sure that if Ed Wood was still working in the film industry, he could direct a much better splatter flick with his eyes closed. I have been told recently that Ice Scream is extremely rare and almost impossible to locate. Sometimes it pays to thank God for some of life's underestimated comforts. Abysmal