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Small Time Crooks (2000) Poster

Quotes

Ray: Remember my nickname when we were in the joint?

Benny: The Brain?

Ray: The Brain. That's what the guys used to call me, right?

Benny: But, Ray! That was sarcastic!

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Ray: Your cousin May is dumb like a horse, or a dog or something.

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Frenchy: Well, I wanna be the real thing! And you better wise up, 'cause if I grow and you stay as stupid as you are, we're gonna have big problems, Ray!

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Ray: I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.

Frenchy: Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.

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Ray: What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man?

Frenchy: I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist.

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Ray: For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.

Frenchy: Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies.

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Ray: Ever heard of the Polish carpool? Every day they meet at work.

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Officer Ken Deloach: Hey, you're new here, huh?

May Sloane: Not really. This is my first day.

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Benny: You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share.

Tommy: I'd go for that. Yeah.

Denny: Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?

Benny: What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us!

Denny: How do you figure?

Benny: Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add?

Denny: I don't do fractions, all right?

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[Frenchy learns her accountants have looted all her assets]

Frenchy: This is the worst news...

Frenchy's Lawyer: Oh, no. No, Mrs. Winkler, it's not.

Frenchy: No? Well, it is to me!

Frenchy's Lawyer: No, the worst news is coming up.

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Denny: Ray really is a genius, Frenchy.

Frenchy: Compared to you, this chair is a genius, Denny.

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Ray: Pretty late.

Frenchy: Yeah, you too. What did you do?

Ray: I, you know, I worked late... and then May and me had some Chinese food.

Frenchy: You and May? What'd you talk about over dinner? Cartoons?

Ray: Are you kiddin'? We went up to her apartment. We watched "White Heat" on television.

Frenchy: Till 3 a.m.?

Ray: No. Then we went out and we got a pizza.

Frenchy: Chinese food and a pizza? With your stomach, I'm surprised you weren't shot breaking into the Pepto-Bismol factory.

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Ray: I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him.

May Sloane: Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are...

Ray: May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with me. I can take it.

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Ray: I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius.

Frenchy: Yeah, you don't have to sell me.

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Ray: You see this? See how beautiful it is?

Frenchy: Yeah.

Ray: See what you're seeing there? It's not just New Jersey. When we first met, there was a sunset it was just like this. Remember that?

Frenchy: Yeah. In New Jersey, but in Colombia there was an earthquake.

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Ray: Today Denny got bit by a rat. We had to give him rabies shot.

Frenchy: Who, the rat?

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Frenchy: Well I wanna be the real thing! and you better wise up coz if grow and you stay as stupid as you are we're gonna have big problems Ray!

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Ray: What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop?

Benny: Burn it down.

Ray: What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance?

Benny: I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college.

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Ray: Yeah! But no museums, 'cause I'm not going to museums. The pictures spook me out... the virgins...

Frenchy: [Frenchy laughs hysterically] Ha ha ha! Spooked by the virgins! Ha ha ha! Sorry...

Ray: Work on the laugh, Frenchy!

[Frenchy laughs again, snorts, then stops]

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Ray: What are you, a stroke victim?

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Frenchy: [on her company's expansion] That's right, yeah. We've been planning it for months. Yeah?

Frenchy's Lawyer: In order to do that, you needed a bank loan. Are you aware of that? Quite a substantial loan.

Frenchy: Get to the point. What?

Frenchy's Lawyer: They asked you to sign a promissory note to the bank.

Frenchy: You're speaking to the wrong person. This is exactly what I got accountants for.

Frenchy's Lawyer: Yes, but unfortunately, your accountants are in Venezuela.

Frenchy: This is all so confusing!

Frenchy's Lawyer: Frances, you put up your home and savings as a note for a monster loan.

Frenchy: [pauses, then holds out her whiskey glass] Could you put a touch of cyanide in here? It needs to be a little stronger.

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Frenchy's Lawyer: You've lost it all, Frenchy. Or should I say, you've been swindled out of it all.

Frenchy: You mean I got...?

Frenchy's Lawyer: Nothing, Mrs. Winkler. You have nothing. No... no house, no bank account, just a couple of large, outstanding loans which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy.

Frenchy: Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the B-words yet!

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Frenchy: What are you waiting for, the drilling season?

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Ray: It's Louie the 14th, or Louie the 15th. I don't know how high the Louie's go, actually.

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Frenchy: All right, all right, hold your water.

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Frenchy: They say I have a flair for decorating. You know this rug lights up? It's made of fiber optics. I'll turn it on later. Stevens, what's with the snails?

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May Sloane: Do either of you play miniature golf?

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May Sloane: Then the lights begin to flash. Little pinpoints of light. Then my tongue turns black and I can't swallow.

Dr. Henske: Really?

May Sloane: The diagnosis is Parkinson's, but they think it could be the Ebola virus, or mad cow disease.

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Denny: Did you get your share?

Tommy: My share of what? Oh, oh, yeah. I got it. I sold some stuff.

Denny: What did you sell?

Tommy: A rented car.

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Ray: Can we change the music, please? Because I feel like I should be wearing a wig.

Frenchy: You will be in a couple of years.

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David: So, you can see the difference between this Tintoretto and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at? What would you say is the most significant difference?

Ray: Me? I'd say the frame's bigger here.

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[last lines]

Frenchy: Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe.

Ray: That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing.

Frenchy: Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.

Ray: Sweetheart, you are the greatest.

Frenchy: Yeah.

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David: I'm talking about Henry James, the author. Yeah? Well, this is where he lived and this is where he worked.

Ray: Where did he eat? I'm hungry. I don't care where he lived. I want to know where he ate.

Frenchy: I remember! "The Hair-ess", right?

David: The "H" is silent.

Frenchy: Oh, did he write that too?

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Ray: What is this?

Frenchy: It's a Damon Dexter. A discovery of David's.

Ray: Yeah? I say it's depressing.

Frenchy: Knock it off. You wouldn't know a masterpiece if it bit you in the ass.

Ray: I refuse to look at this, Frenchy.

Frenchy: And what's that supposed to mean?

Ray: It means as long as this is there on the wall, I don't look at that wall.

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Ray: You know? Frenchy eats frog's legs.

May Sloane: It's supposed to taste like chicken.

Ray: Rabbit!

May Sloane: Rabbit tastes like frog's legs?

Ray: No, forget it, forget it.

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Ray: I think she's developing a crush on her teacher, David.

May Sloane: Yeah. Well, you know, he's very good-looking, and he's really bright and very charming. And he's very elegant...

Ray: Okay, May, I got the picture. It's all right.

May Sloane: Well, when you're right, you're right.

Ray: Thank you.

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May Sloane: It was a really tragic story, because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name.

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May Sloane: I met a wonderful man downstairs. He seemed to like me. He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead. But I assume he meant when she was alive.

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Ray: Very funny. You should be on tv.

Frenchy: I am! Open your eyes.

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Ray: We make chicken-chip cookies, ahhhh... tuna mint.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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