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Anthony P. Kirby: I'm not accustomed to going out to dinner and spending the night in jail.

Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Well you have to remember you came on the wrong night. Now tonight I'll bet you nothing will happen... maybe.

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Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Alice, you're in love with this boy and you're not marrying him because we are the way we are.

Alice Sycamore: Oh Grandpa.

Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: I know, you think it wouldn't work out, you think the two families wouldn't get along, well maybe they wouldn't, but whose to say they're right and we're wrong?

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Penny Sycamore: I've got Cynthia just entering the monastery.

Rheba: She was at the Kit Kat Club wasn't she?

Penny Sycamore: Well she gets tired of the Kit Kat Club and there's this monastery so she goes there.

Rheba: Do they let her in?

Penny Sycamore: Yes, I made it Visitor's Day, so of course anybody can come. She comes and she just stays.

Rheba: You mean she stays all night?

Penny Sycamore: Oh yes, she stays six years.

Rheba: Six years? I'll bet she busts that monastery wide open.

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Grand Duchess Olga Katrina: That manager, he doesn't like me, he's a Communist.

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Tony Kirby: I wouldn't trade one minute of this evening for all the rice in China.

Alice Sycamore: Is there much rice in China?

Tony Kirby: Didn't you read "The Good Earth"?

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Penny Sycamore: You'd think with 1 girl and 40 monks, something would happen.

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Penny Sycamore: Rheba, I think I'm going to put this play away for a while and go back to the war play.

Rheba: Oh I always liked that one, the war play! A BOOM! A BOOM!

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Tony Kirby: My father raises orchids at $10,000 a bulb, does that sound logical? My mother studies spiritualism, that's just as bad as your mother typing plays.

Alice Sycamore: Your mother studies spiritualism because it's fashionable and your father raises orchids because he can afford to. My mother types plays because 8 years ago a typewriter was delivered here by accident.

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Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Well sir, you should've been there, that's all I can say, you should've been there.

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Penny Sycamore: Don't the graduates get to say anything, Grandpa?

Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Oh no, they just sit there in their cap and nightgown, have a diploma handed to them and along 40 years from now suddenly say 'where am I?'

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Penny Sycamore: [reading from one of her plays] Kenneth, my virginity is a priceless thing to me.

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Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Have you been acting long?

Gay Wellington: All my life, I've played everything. Ever see 'Peg O' My Heart'?

Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Yes!

Gay Wellington: I saw it too, good show.

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Penny Sycamore: [Gay Wellington is passed out drunk] Do you think she'll be alright, Grandpa?

Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Yes but I wouldn't cast her in the religious play.

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Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Penny, if I were you, the next time I met an actress on the top of a bus, I think I'd MAIL them the play instead of bringing them home to read it.

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Gay Wellington: My, hot night, ain't it?

Donald: You want me to open the window, Miss Wellington?

Gay Wellington: Na, hell with the weather.

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Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: [to Mr. Kirby] Oh, that's just the Grand Duchess Olga Katrina. She's cooking the dinner.

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Grand Duchess Olga Katrina: [to Grandpa] Before I make the blintzes, how many will there be for dinner?

Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Well, I'd make quite a stack, your Highness, you can never tell.

Grand Duchess Olga Katrina: [smiles] Good! The Czar, he always said to me, "Olga... do not be stingy with the blintzes!"

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