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102 out of 125 people found the following review useful: Just shoot me..., 5 February 2001 Author: gaussgoat from New Hampshire, USA
In what can only be described as the worst movie made in the past decade, Dungeons & Dragons will leave you begging for mercy.Hands down, the biggest contributor to the demise of this movie was the script. It was litterally the most insulting, inane dialogue I have ever been treated to in a movie.Props arrive next in an extremely close second. The 35 Million dollars used to make this film must have been used on late night taco runs, because the quality of the props is abyssmal. The "prized artifact" of the movie looks like it fell out of a box of cracker jack, while some of the armor and backgrounds are straight out of the Bargain Bin at your local toy store. Better attempts at fantasy film making have been shot on camcorders across the globe in people's back yards.The acting was terrible all around. The few, and I mean FEW, attempts at serious dialogue were crushed by the worst script ever. The only remotely cool character in the entire proceeding was Demadar, who was still pretty goofy. I guess if I was 8 or so, I might have thought he was creepy. The notably great actors in this film should have balked the moment they saw the script/quality of filming, and their presence on the screen only adds to the insult.Th producers of this movie should be ashamed of themselves. Hundreds of thousands of loyal D&D fans have been waiting for over 25 years for a great, inspiring movie from their hobby. D&D has a prodigious level of material written about it, and any one of it's 100+ books would have made a better movie if read aloud by Pee Wee Herman.This horror show of a movie will no doubt ensure the demise of a great hobby in the public eye for at least the next 10 years. Any potential fan of the game will be unable to forget this awful movie experience. Consider yourself warned, and never, EVER see this movie.
55 out of 75 people found the following review useful: What a waste, 27 November 2001 Author: poem from Germany
It is unbelievable how this movie could have been created with such good actors and so much money, but such a bad script and directing.Dialogues are painfully bad in this movie, as is the story itself.The acting is also below any standard you would expect from such an expensive movie. Jeremy Irons was especially shocking, his performance was very pathetic and flat, as if this would be a bad movie for three year olds. That was not acting, that was a torment ! I cried every time he appeared on the screen.Thora Birch was also far, far below her level in 'American Beauty', obviously unable to tell how one should put a little life into her bad dialogue and flat character, and somehow even thinking that that was her own fault.If at all, the thief Snails (Marlon Wayans from Scary Movie) had quite some good moments in his slapstick scenes, the only good moments in the whole movie. Unfortunately they don't last long. Wayans seems to have a talent to shine even in the worst movies, however.The performance of the main actor was also bad. His dull and cheap sunnyboy behavior really nerved me, and I saw absolutely no reason for his 'being special', but far more for 'being untalented'.The effects where better than the story, but really not that exciting either.Some people say fantasy is about stereotypes, but that doesnt mean you can forget all rules how to make up a good story ! This story was not worth getting on the screen. This story was also not worth getting such good actors and effects. This story was nothing but crap !And I can't believe that Jeremy Irons and Thora Birch are such bad actors, they have proven they can do far, far better ! I can only guess it must have been the director who forced them to do such bad performances.Definitely not recommended for anyone except maybe children below ten. Oh wait, they're not allowed ? No loss.
46 out of 61 people found the following review useful: You know you're watching a bad movie when..., 23 June 2004 Author: wastingaway from Austin, Texas
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
...the ENTIRE audience cheers at the death of one of the main characters. And tries to warn the poor saps standing outside the theater afterwards to run! run away!I started playing D&D several years ago, so I'm not some snobbish player from the days when the source books were chiseled on stone tablets. My friends and I got a group together to go see the D&D movie as a lark. It was the worst waste of my time and money. The acting was horrid, the sets cheesy, the special effects amateurish, and the story juvenile. My DM's 10-year-old son could come up with better.Oh, and after getting home, I discovered that I was allergic to something, and my arms and legs were covered in huge, itchy hives -- my fiancé maintains to this day that I was allergic to the awfullest movie we've ever seen.This movie would possibly be viewable through a drunken haze, except for the possibility that it would make you throw up.
53 out of 77 people found the following review useful: Surprising! Surprisingly bad, that is., 14 May 2001 Author: jaburo from Boston, MA, USA
For me, enjoying a movie can be achieved by properly managing expectations; if I expect Shakespeare, and I see Shakespeare I'm happy. Now, don't get me wrong - I liked Army of Darkness, like the rest of you. If I expect to see a dumb, camp, action flick and I see a dumb, camp, action-fest, I'm happy. With the D&D movie, I expected a dumb, camp, action flick, and I received something that was so unexpectedly foul that it caused me to write the world about it. How did this movie even get made? Now, I play D&D ( admit it, y'all do too ) so don't fault me for 'not understanding the genre'. The movie had too many characters, some of which disappear inexplicably during the course of the movie. The plot made no sense; the twists at the end came from nowhere. And don't get me started on Marlon Wayans's character - you mean to tell me that in the fantasy world of D&D, a black man can't get a role other than the Black Buddy Cop stereotype?Pure crap, plain and simple.
51 out of 74 people found the following review useful: One of the worst films of 2000, 16 June 2001 Author: Wizard-8 from Victoria, BC
If there hadn't been a "Battlefield Earth", this movie probably would have gotten my vote for worst movie of 2000. The only way it is (slightly) better than that movie is the (very) occasional good set or effect.I could write for hours about what's wrong with this movie, but this is what comes to mind immediately(1) The horrible acting. I honestly can't understand why someone so talented as Jeremy Irons would be going so over the top. It's clear, however, that he isn't enjoying himself in the movie, so maybe he's getting revenge against the movie by acting so terriblyThe most annoying performance goes to Marlon Wayans. His shrieking, cowardly character uncomfortably brings up images of stereotypes from the 1930s. At least he doesn't say "Feet, do your stuff!" - though he sure comes close.(2) The bright, glitterly look of every scene. When you think of sword and sorcery, I think we all think of things rough and with grit. Not here.(3) The movie constantly rips off from other (better) movies, most notably from the four STAR WARS movies(4) The characters. Why the hell were the dwarf and elf in this movie? They could easily have been written out without consequence. And the main thief hero is one of the blandest heroes I've ever seen in the movie.(5) Virtually all the special effects, sets etc. are AWFUL. Sometimes they look even worse than those seen on the Xena and Hercules shows! (Though those two shows at least have the excuse of having lower budgets - and they make up for the cheap effects by having better scripts, characters, and acting!)(6) And speaking of scripts...thos script is terrible! Mainly it's because the story itself hardly makes any sense!
29 out of 42 people found the following review useful: Oh Dear, another fine mess, 31 August 2002 Author: youngsteve from England
I have just watched this film for the first time, & can confirm it is worse than what I had heard it was. Now as a rule I don't always take note of reviews of films, even if they are bad, as certain films can be bad & still quite enjoyable, even if the acting & plot are okay. Unfortunately, this is not only all the above, but also pretty tiresome & downright tedious as well.The main unknown (to me anyway) leading threesome are all dreadful & from this showing awful actors as well. Justin Whalin is just laughable & one of the worst heroes in a long while. Probably since Val Kilmers appalling performance in The Saint. Zoe Mclellan is pretty enough (which probably explains away her deficiencies amongst other reviewers) but is still dreadful. The worse though is Marlon Wayons, whose performance is not only awful & completely unfunny, but also of a racist nature. The rest of the actors are also bad, but at least the likes of Jeremy Irons, Bruce Payne & Thora Birch, know they are only slumming it, & are at least decent actors if the material is there.The plot is also weird & ridiculous, with no explanation of what is going on, & the upsetting thing was that the poor dragons couldn't have snacked on the lot of them, which would of at least made it a happy ending, for us & the dragons anyway. If you want to see a well acted & well made fantasy film watch Lord of the Rings instead.
30 out of 45 people found the following review useful: Don't waste your time, 13 December 2004 Author: dreamdemon-1 from Romania
As a D&D role player and obsessed fan I couldn't wait for this movie to come out. Expecting Lord of the Rings, I was hoping to find a fantasy prelude in D&D: the Movie. I had to see it twice, first time I couldn't believe how bad it was. I thought I had missed something but it turns out the makers of this movie missed a lot. They missed the D&D part, this movie only makes a mockery of the game and any plot imaginable. There is no acting, no plot. The very spirit of D&D is completely trashed. One of the worst parts is this Wayans guy who plays a Brooklyn rogue wannabe which is pointlessly killed in the middle of the movie. The characters are hardly believable (how stupid must the two rogues be) not to mention the entire action and party ("Only you were meant to pass"). A dwarf that barely has a role, a cute drow which also has no point in being there ... The movie barely adds up to 1 out of 10 and that's only because the dragon fight in the end is almost nice to watch.
23 out of 33 people found the following review useful: Why does god hate me?, 1 March 2007 Author: Stephen King from United Kingdom
Why can't I give this zero out of ten? I can honestly say that this is without a doubt one of the biggest pieces of crap I have ever watched in my entire life.The cast for a start! I know...let's get Jimmy from the new adventures of superman to play a lead role! WRONG! Oh...you know who is really funny? Marlon Wayans! WRONG! I think the biggest injustice in the film is the ruining of Jeremy Irons career. I literal felt it being flushed down the toilet while I watched it. I tried to keep watching in all honesty, but I kept on vomiting blood from its sheer awfulness.The dwarf keeps disappearing, the orcs don't attack anyone, there is a big slow guy walking around wearing blue lipstick, Richard O'Brian is forced into a camp off with said blue lipstick wearing man, it was far too long (by too long, I mean it exists in our time and space), in one scene Jeremy Irons looks as though he is mounting the guy with the blue lipstick...why oh why oh why does this film exist? For those of you who have seen this...I pity you. For those of you who haven't or have considered doing so, save yourself some time and just ingest bleach. It's equally as fun.
18 out of 25 people found the following review useful: Poor delivery, so-so effects and laughable performances all combine to produce a film that will barely appeal to kids, 8 September 2005 Author: bob the moo from Birmingham, UK
Ridley and Snails are thieves in the underclass of their world. Breaking into the magic school to steal they are captured by Marina but, when her master is killed, the thieves find themselves drawn into an attempt by the evil Profion to use the power of a lost sceptre to seize control from Empress Savina, who is trying to reform and make all men equal.It is hard to really judge the plot of this film because I'm sure it could have been a rollicking, engaging "swords & sorcery" affair and it is only the delivery here that has turned it into a massive, insulting pile of rubbish. The way that the characters have to explain every single action in BIG LETTERS for the audience was something that grated on me and took me from thinking of it as lazy writing to finding it offensive that the writers thought I was too stupid to follow the story myself. Instead of being a strong narrative the film is just a basic adventure for kids, with effects and noise to keep them distracted. As such it is still only so-so because even children might struggle to care about the unimpressive CGI backgrounds and action set pieces. It'll please the very undemanding genre fan under 12 years old but unlikely many others.The characters are another major failing – who thought that writing obnoxious, annoying or smug characters across the leads would cause an audience to be engaged by them? With this to work with, is it any wonder that the cast are roundly poor? Whalin must have thought his luck was in when he landed this role, but he messes it up with a performance that shows he is out of his depth and unsure of himself. McLellan is bland and quite irritating for the majority of the film but her faults pale in comparison to a trio of performances that stick in the mind as the worst of the film. Irons hams it up with all the carelessness of a pro who knows an easy payday when he sees it – he is hilariously terrible at times. Payne's blue lipstick seems to have affected his voice and every line is delivered as a sneer – it is never menacing and quickly becomes tiresome. However the worst performance is form, surprise surprise, Wayans who made me understand what Spike Lee's Bamboozled was getting at. He is a shrieking, mugging ethnic cliché – even worse than he usually does and even more annoying. The odd cameo from O'Brien or Baker do nothing to stop the rot and the cast add to the impression that this was cheaply made without much love.Overall a poor film that will probably only appeal to kids. The plot is badly delivered and the effects are not as impressive as director Solomon was clearly banking on them being. The cast are lost in the middle of it all and not a single on of them gives a performance that you could call "good", all in all producing a pretty poor attempt at a blockbuster.
10 out of 11 people found the following review useful: Mine eyes have been defiled, 28 April 2005 Author: Invadertim1 from United States
I can recall the event clearly... There I was... sitting upon the floor, my cousin's beside me. One of my cousin's friends had brought in a rental DVD and presented it to us with a smile stating it was "the best movie ever created". Looking at the title, a rush of excitement hit us as we realized that Dungeon's and Dragon's (a game we had all loved at one time or another) had finally been made into a respectable movie. As we opened the DVD, an aura of evil emanated from it, and although we noticed the clear evil coming from this DVD, we were expecting "the best movie ever created". However the moment the screen turned on, our cousin's friend slinked away, muttering something about the apocalypse. What followed was quite possibly the worst movie experience of my life. After this horrid event, I didn't watch a movie for about 6 mouth's, and I was too scared to turn on the TV, thinking that at any time the ear splitting screech of snails was to come upon me. Now... at first, we were slighty amused by it. However as time went on we realized the grand mistake we had made for watching this disgusting excuse for a visible object. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS. ALSO IF YOU ARE TO READ THIS, YOU MAY WANT TO BUY A COUPLE OF VIALS OF HOLY WATER TO THROW AT YOUR COMPUTER AS YOU DO. Alright... First off, Problem one, Snails. WHAT KIND OF A HUMAN BEING IS NAMED SNAILS??? His mind blowing screeching of RIIIIDELLLLYYYY is just plain and flat out horrifying. The acting? Throwing mine own dung at the wall would be more entertaining. The special effects? Half the scenes looked like they we're drawn with crayons. The random dwarf? Who was that guy? He just appeared, drop kicks the guy with the blue lips and then runs away to join the lard filled team. Next... If any of you did see this (then you better bathe in the river Jordan :p) you may recall how they found the "thieve den". THEY FOLLOWED A OUT OF PLACE BLUE HEADED GUY!!! How they heck did they know he was a thief? Was it is skin color? Does that mean every thing blue steals? ... Alright then you may remember how (when trying to enter the cave) The dwarf runs into the barrier. After clearly hurting himself doing so, JUST TO DOUBLE CHECK!!! HE RUNS INTO THE THING AGAIN!!! Now there are far too many things to mention and I can truly say the only good part was when snails somehow randomly died ... O but the worst part... Was the ending. EVERYONE TURNED INTO RED ORBS AND FLOATED AWAY!!!!!! AMAZING!!! Does that mean their all dead? What the heck was that supposed to be? If one could give a negative score, I could definitely see the digits after the negative sign on rating of this piece of garbage (which is being as kind as possible to this worthless lard) reaching around the sun. Don't WATCH IT!!! IF you do or did... I just don't know how you could live with yourself, get yourself exorcised or something.
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