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(1995 Video Game)

Quotes

Ben: You don't have much choice when trouble's riding your back so tight it makes the leather squeak. Sometimes you outsmart it, sometimes you outfight it, and sometimes you just have to outrun it... full throttle.

Maureen: Nice forks. Where'd you get them?

Ben: Right next to the knives and spoons.

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Bartender: The customer with a knife is always right.

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Ben: What if they search the back and find my bike?

Emmet: It's buried under a pile of concentrated fertilizer powder. No one's gonna dig through that crap. Now yer gonna ride in the engine compartment.

Ben: The engine compartment?

Emmet: Hey, I smuggle stuff in there all the time and most of it's worth more than you!

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[Ripburger shot the controls to stop the plane without wings and the plane is going to crash into the gorge]

Adrian Ripburger: Ripburger, you're gonna kill us all.

Adrian Ripburger: Ben, don't ruin the ending.

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[the player clicked to punch or kick the vultures]

Ben: Later, hopefully.

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[the projector shows Malcolm Corley being murdered by Ripburger]

Adrian Ripburger: Now, this next slide demonstrates our new, more agressive corporate strategy.

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[first lines]

Ben: [narrating] Whenever I smell asphalt, I think of Maureen. That's the last sensation I had, before I blacked out: the thick smell of asphalt. And the first thing I saw when I woke up was her face. She said she'd fix my bike. Free. No strings attached. I should have known then that things are never that simple. Yeah, when I think of Maureen I think of two things: asphalt... and trouble.

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[Ben just ended up killing everybody by crashing into the gorge]

Ben: Damn, let me try that again.

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Ben: When I'm on the road, I'm indestructible. No one can stop me...

[sees an enemy biker in view]

Ben: but they try.

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[referring to The Vulture's beat-up airplane]

Ben: I thought you said this thing couldn't move!

Suzy: I said it couldn't fly, I never said it couldn't taxi!

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Ben: I may lie, and I may steal, and I may rough some people up from time to time. But it's all for a good cause: Self Preservation.

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Ben: That's what having a regular job will do to you.

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Ben: Not with my box of bunnies.

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Adrian Ripburger: Nestor, what's that moving over there by that pile?

Nestor: I don't know, but I think that pile is Bolus.

Adrian Ripburger: Oh yes, now I remember. You're the smart one, aren't you?

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Ben: Why'd your dad keep you a secret for so long?

Maureen Corley: He didn't want people to find out about my mom.

Ben: What was wrong with Mrs. Corley?

Maureen Corley: She wasn't my mom.

Ben: Ah.

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Miranda: [photographing Ben after his motorcycle crash] Man, this is gruesome! My editor better print these in color.

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Malcolm Corley: What do you know, Ripburger? You've never even been on a bike!

Adrian Ripburger: Oh, you know I'd be on one right now, sir, if not for this... destabilizing inner-ear condition.

Malcolm Corley: Ah, your ears are fine. It's what's between 'em that scares me.

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Ben: You know what might look better on your nose?

Quohog: What?

Ben: [grabs Quohog's nose ring and slams him down on to the bar] The bar.

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Policeman: If you're still alive, boy, you're under arrest.

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Ben: [referring to sculptures made from junk] I don't collect art. And I also don't collect whatever that is.

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Ben: Let me go, or else...

Maureen: Or else WHAT?

Ben: I'll call you names!

Maureen: Ooooh! Like what?

Ben: Diapered Dynamo!

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Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: [Ben is about to punch Horace out of annoyance] I got a button under my toe that's wired directly into Corley's alarm system! 'Course I could be lyin' but the question is: Do you feel lucky?

Ben: Lately, no.

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Ben: I'm looking for a good souvenir

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: Well, good souvenirs is what I got! So what can I fix ya up with?

Ben: [Referring to the mascot toy bunny] Something small, furry and yellow

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: Sorry, this is the only set of teeth I got!

[laughs and belches]

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: Dang, there goes another one!

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Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: Buy your kids a bunny so they'll shut up on the long drive home!

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Maureen: [Ben climbs down the side of Ripburger's truck] Careful, Ben!

Adrian Ripburger: [Ripburger shoots at Ben and misses] I'm taking you and your friends with me, Ben!

Ben: All you're taking is the wrong kind of medication!

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[as Ripburger flees in a truck]

Ben: Run, Ripburger... when it's time to follow we'll just follow the shiny trail.

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Ben: The weapons you pick up along the way help. At least they help you do less talking.

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[Old Man Corley has gone to talk to Ben and his gang]

Adrian Ripburger: What on earth is taking him so long?

Bolus, Corley's Bodyguard: Maybe they gave him some trouble.

Nestor, Corley's Limo Driver: Yeah, maybe they took the old boy out back to work him over with a two-by-four.

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Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: So, what can I fix you up with?

Ben: [Looks at an RC car] How about that little car?

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: It's small, but it's not cheap my friend! You best take it out for a test drive to make sure. Something else?

Ben: Bunnies, and plenty of 'em!

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: You want bunnies?

[Looks at a large box of wind-up toy bunnies]

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: I got yer bunnies! How much ya got on you?

Ben: Uhh... can I just take them out for a test drive?

Horrace, Corley Motors Merchandise Salesman: I don't think you have the commitment that's required for a Corley Bunny Value-Pack, sorry son!

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Mavis, projectionist for Corley Motors: [Ben opens the door to the projection booth and startles Mavis] Aaaah!

Mavis, projectionist for Corley Motors: [Ben slams the door shut] Help! Security!

Mavis, projectionist for Corley Motors: [Ben dashes down the hallway and a guard opens the door to the booth] Why can't you catch that guy? Donuts weighing you down?

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Ben: [Approaches a window in Mo's old bedroom] This must be the window Maureen stared out of as a young girl, dreaming of her life repairing toasters.

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Ben: That's your truck outside? I need a ride.

Emmet: Do I look like a cabbie to you? Get lost!

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Ben: Ever heard of this place called "Uncle Pete's Mink Ranch"?

Bartender: I remember there used to be some sorta weasel plantation or something up the road.

Emmet: Down Highway 9, on the other side of them damn roadblocks. I used to pick up mink meat there real cheap and sell it to school lunch programs.

[laughs]

Emmet: That was a good scam.

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Ben: WARNING: Do not play in or around dumpster. Do not kick dumpster. Do not sleep in dumpster. Usage of this dumpster for the disposal of human remains, may be a violation of local health ordinances.

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[last lines]

Ben: Look, Mo... You're in a different league now. You shouldn't be hanging out with the likes of me anymore.

Maureen: But, Ben -

[phone rings and Maureen sighs]

Maureen: Just a second!

[picks up]

Maureen: Hello? What? No, no, no, that's crazy! Is he nuts? Look, move the meeting up to five and tell the plant foreman that I'm coming over personally to inspect those parts. I know... I know! That's what I told him -

[sees Ben has left the car and sighs]

Maureen: Excuse me? What was that last part? No, no, no. That alloy was flawed to begin with. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! Good, great.

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Ben: [looking at pictures inside Kickstand Bar] This your pit bull?

Quohog: No, that's my baby picture.

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Ben: [Approaches Emmet in The Kickstand, who is sitting at a table playing Five-Finger Fillet with a knife] I can do that.

Emmet: Not gonna happen.

Ben: Lemme show you how to do that.

Emmet: Not gonna happen.

[Ben repeats the offer four more times]

Emmet: Only if it'll shut you up!

[stabs the knife into the table]

Ben: Hmmm...

[completes two passes across his hand flawlessly]

Ben: Cool!

[Emmet snatches the knife back and keeps playing]

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Emmet: [after Ben stabs his hand too many times with his knife while playing Five-Finger-Fillet] Oh yeah, you sure are good at that, buddy.

[snatches knife]

Emmet: You're pathetic!

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Razor: [Ben pulls up next to her on the Mine Road] You like choppers, huh?

Razor: [Pulls out a chainsaw] How 'bout this "chopper"?

[laughs]

Razor: You're firewood, chump!

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Ben: [Malcolm and Ben are having great time at the bar] But, Malcolm, isn't that illegal?

Malcolm Corley: Not back then it wasn't.

[They both laugh]

Ben: So who do you ride with these days?

Adrian Ripburger: [Ripburger suddenly walks in] He rides with me. Although I'm sure he would much rather be riding with your little club.

Malcolm Corley: I told you to wait out in a limo, Ripburger.

Adrian Ripburger: I thought you might like some help with your sales pitch, sir.

Ben: Sales pitch?

Adrian Ripburger: Yes, we've come here today to offer you and your men employment. Mr. Corley requires an escort to the annual Corley Motors shareholders meeting.

Ben: Does this look like an escort service to you?

Adrian Ripburger: You would be well compensated for your time, of course.

Ben: Not interested.

Adrian Ripburger: It's fairly obvious that you could use the money...

Ben: Listen, I said we're not for rent. The Polecats are not goons for hire.

Adrian Ripburger: Not even if it were Malcolm Corley's dying wish?

Malcolm Corley: RIPBURGER! THAT DOES IT. I'M GONNA...

Ben: Hold on there, Malcolm. If you don't mind, I'd like to step outside with Mr. Ripburger for a little chat.

Adrian Ripburger: Excellent idea!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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