Muppets Treasure Island (1996 Video Game)
Beaker: Me, ooh ooh, ooh!
[the TV screen turns on and shows Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker]
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh. Welcome. I am Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and this is my assistant Beaker.
Beaker: Me! Me! Me!
[the TV screen turns off]
Director: Yeah! Excuse me Dr. Honeydew, well we need Beaker in Bristol right away.
[Dr. Bunsen Honeydew fires the cannon and Beaker is launched across the stage set]
[Beaker crashes into the wall]
Director: Woopsie do. Thank you sir. Yeah Miss Scurf-it. Yeah come out and introduce yourself to Hawkins. Thank you sir.
[Kermit the Frog opens the stage door and looks at Hawkins]
Kermit the Frog: Hey ho Kermit the frog here. Welcome to...
[Kermit the Frog is interrupted by Fozzie Bear who runs right up to him]
Fozzie Bear: Hey Kermit! I've got some great new pirate jokes for the day.
Kermit the Frog: Um... well... not now Fozzie. You see...
Fozzie Bear: Wait! Wait! Did you hear about the one pirate who kept falling down? They called him Black and Blue Beard. Aah! Wacka, Wacka!
Kermit the Frog: Anymore more jokes like that Fozzie and you'll wacka wacka the plank.
Fozzie Bear: Hey! That's funny! Can I use that?
Kermit the Frog: Um sure. but but first you'll have to take your place in Bristol please.
Fozzie Bear: No.
Kermit the Frog: Yeah. go ahead right back to the door. Yep.
[Fozzie Bear walks in the stage door, Kermit the Frog pushes the touchscreen TV of a map and walks in the stage door and closes the door]
Director: Okay. Now where's the parrot?
Stevenson the Parrot: Squawk!
Director: Aah. Stevenson. You're the help character. You go and help already.
[Stevenson the Parrot shows up and looks at Hawkins]
Stevenson the Parrot: Hi ya Hawkins. Say, welcome to the game. So I know you're asking yourself, self. Why is this parrot calling me Hawkins? Wasn't he the hero of Treasure Island? Right, right, wrong! Ha ha, you're the new Hawkins and hero and I'm your Stevenson. I'll be on my perch.
[the parrot walks off but then comes back to look at Hawkins again]
Stevenson the Parrot: Here's something else, just tap on me once if you need any help. Tap on me twice if you're ready to see your stuff. Anytime you're ready, I'm ready. Squawk!
[Kermit the Frog opens the stage door]
Kermit the Frog: Okay! Start the opening woo!
[Kermit pushes the touchscreen TV and goes back in the door]
Ghost Of Captain Flint: HAWKINS! This be the ghost of Captain Flint speaking! You may not know me. But this Treasure you're after, IS MINE! You hear that? It's not castanets. It's me bones rattling with rage! O'er the scoundrels trying to claim me gold! Now heed me words Hawkins. Keep your eyes open, and your noggin sharp and you just might be the one to find the treasure. Har, har, har, har, har, har, har! If you're lucky.
Ghost Of Captain Flint: Wa ha ha ha ha! Har har har! Hawkins, This be the ghost of Captain Flint speaking! If you want to find me buried treasure, You'll need more than a map to Treasure Island!
[the fanfare horns play]
Ghost Of Captain Flint: You'll need to find the four diamond shaped rocks I left behind. Now these rocks could be the key to the treasure or YOUR GRAVE! Wa, ha, ha, har, har, har, har!
Female Tourist Rat: There's gotta be something better! Something better!
Mr. Plagueman: Yeah! There's gotta be something better than this place.
Female Tourist Rat: Maybe we'll find it on our vacation.
Mr. Plagueman: Yeah.
Female Tourist Rat: Bristol here we come.
Mr. Plagueman: Hoo ha.
Female Tourist Rat: Did you remember the travelers checks?
Mr. Plagueman: Don't leave this place without them.
[the two rats laugh]
Mr. Plagueman: Oh Donna!
Rizzo the Rat: Pirates!
[the pirates break down the door and search the room]
The Great Gonzo: Woo. Uh oh.
:Blind Pew: We'd be taking back that treasure map now! What's that? I smell something burning.
[Then the dynamite explodes and blows up part of the Benbow bedroom Inn. Gonzo and Rizzo go flying in the air before falling down]
Cart Driver: Look out! It's raining rats and uh whatevers. Oh I've had enough of this job, I'm outta here.
[Then the cart driver man gets out of the cart and walks off]
The Great Gonzo: Whoa Hawkins! Ahh! Incoming!
Rizzo the Rat: Look out below!
[Rizzo the rat falls in the molasses barrel and splatters molasses all over Jim Hawkins face and he can't see]
The Great Gonzo: Molasses. What a mess.
[the cart moves]
Rizzo the Rat: Whew. That was a close one. Now if there was only some way to pass the time between here and Bristol.
Rizzo the Rat: [singing] 99 pieces of cheese on the wall. 99 pieces of cheese. Take one down. Pass it around. 98 pieces of cheese on the wall. 98 pieces of cheese on the wall, 98 pieces of cheese. Take one down let it turn brown. 97 pieces of cheese on the wall. 97 pieces of cheese on the wall 97 pieces of cheese. Take one down trade it for a pound...
Billy Bones: And no one knows to this day what happened to the treasure. Or the treasure map. Maybe you'll find them, Eh Hawkins. Hawkins? Ha!
[Billy Bones looks at you and laughs. Rizzo the Rat laughs]
The Great Gonzo: Tell us another adventure Mr. Bones. My favorite is the story about the one legged man.
Billy Bones: Ah, The one legged man? I told you to never to mention that cursed beast! Now get back there and finish brewing my stew. I feel the horrors coming on, begone!
Rizzo the Rat: The horrors. Oh I think I'll be going now. Ho.
[Gonzo and Rizzo head over to the kitchen. Billy Bones stands up and also heads into the kitchen. Then Blind Pew opens the top half of the front door]
:Blind Pew: Eh. Hi Billy Bones it's me Blind Pew! Come to settle the score! Heh heh, heh, Whoa, ow, whoa, ow!
[Blind Pew trips over the trash cans. Billy Bones comes out of the kitchen. Walks upstairs to his room and sees the paper with the black spot on it]
Billy Bones: THE BLACK SPOT! NO!
[Then Stevenson the Parrot appears on the stair rails]
Billy Bones: I was Flint's first mate that voyage. Three days east of Tortola in the Caribbean, Flint knew an island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood, they were Flint's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him that day.
:Blind Pew: Huh. Billy Bones! ha ha ha, It's your old pal come to see you! Ha! See you! Ha ha ha! That's a joke! I am blind I cannot see!
[Blind Pew continues to laughs and he crashes into the trash cans]
:Blind Pew: Ho ho I'll be coming back with some friends to take back our treasure map, and whatever else we can lay our eyes on. He he he. Get it? Eyes! Lay our eyes on. Ha ha, that kill me.
[Blind Pew falls down the stairs]
Billy Bones: The black spot! The black spot!
The Great Gonzo: Um real black spot? Can I see it. I've never seen a real black spot before Mr. B.
Rizzo the Rat: Hey Hey! Hold that... Door. Hey watch out!
[Rizzo crashes into the door and falls backwards down the stairs]
Billy Bones: The black spot got me!
[Billy Bones leaves the bedroom]
Rizzo the Rat: Oh this is bad. This is bad, pirates, black spot, danger, and worst of all, the refrigerator's empty! Oh.
Rizzo the Rat: Hmm, I'll look for a key.
The Great Gonzo: I'll look for a sledgehammer.
Stevenson the Parrot: Hey Hawkins. Try this.
[Slides the key right next to the sea chest]
The Great Gonzo: Ah. The smell of adventure.
Rizzo the Rat: Rotting wood, mold, mildew. Yep. that's adventure alright.
Stevenson the Parrot: Yikes dynamite! Looks like Billy's sea chest is booby trapped. We must be getting warmer. Ooh now it's lit!
[the dynamite stick fuse is lit by the furnace]
Pirates: Open up! We know you're in there!
[Bangs on the bedroom door]
The Great Gonzo: Looks like we've got two choices. A, we jump two stories into the vegetable cart below. Or B, we stay here and face the deadly angry and very well armed pirates.
Rizzo the Rat: And C?
The Great Gonzo: There isn't a C.
Rizzo the Rat: There's always a C! What kind of game is this without a C!
[Gonzo laughs and they both hide]
Rizzo the Rat: Come on Hawkins! That fuse can't burn forever.
The Great Gonzo: Oh I don't know it's lasted pretty long so far.
Rizzo the Rat: I'm heightening the drama!
The Great Gonzo: Aren't you a little short for high drama?
[Gonzo laughs and they both hide]
Stevenson the Parrot: Whoa! Extreme closeup. Okay Hawkins. You'll looking at the inside of my wing. My wing is where I carry our stuff. Now when you want to close my wing, Just tap on any of my green feathers. If you ever want to leave my adventure, just tap on the door. If you want to load or save an adventure, just tap the load or save buttons. Tap anything else to take a closer look. Oh and uh Hawkins, hee hee, be careful where you tap okay may because I'm ticklish. Oh ho ho. Feathers! Ha ha! Feathers!
Moose Head: You know. My brother's on the wall of the Harvard club. Hmm, Mama always said he had a head for school.
Moose Head: You're expecting Bullwinkle?
Pig Guest: With those dumb tales of his, Billy Bones is a bigger head than we are.
Pig Guest: Bah hum. Buried treasure. Yeah don't believe old Billy. I tell you. The whole man is hogwash if you pony the expression. Ha ha ha.
Billy's Mother In Portrait: Billy! Did you remember to brush your tooth?
Billy's Mother In Portrait: Billy! did you remember to check the expiration T on your explosives?
Billy's Mother In Portrait: Billy! Did you remember to say thank you after stealing the treasure map?
Rizzo the Rat: One piece of cheese on the wall. One piece of cheese. Take it down, look all around. Now we're in Bristol Town.
Stevenson the Parrot: Bristol. Just like I've pictured it. Why don't you clean the molasses off so you can see it.
[Gives Jim a sponge and he washes the molasses off his face]
Stevenson the Parrot: Now we need a ship. Why? Well we have a map to you know, Treasure Island. Squawk!
[the fanfare horns play]
Rizzo the Rat: Woo Hey, hey. It sounds like intermission I'd say we get some food.
The Great Gonzo: I'd say we find a ship. Let's head for the docks come on.
Rizzo the Rat: Ok.
[Rizzo and Gonzo walk off and the cart leaves]
Pops: Hey there! You look like you could use some new clothes. Come on in.
Billy's Mother In Portrait: Billy! Why couldn't you be more like Miss Hoosie boy. He called her every week no matter where he's pillaging.
Rizzo the Rat: The black spot is the universal pirates symbol for death and doom.