Space Cowboys (2000)
Frank Corvin: You know what the worst day of my life was? The day Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon. I was probably the only person in America who wanted to commit suicide that day.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Well, thanks a lot Frank. We haven't spoken in twelve years and that's basically been the big question on my mind, what could make you commit suicide.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [Frank and Hawk are inside the centrifuge/spinning machine, which is about to be started] The first one to pass out buys the beers tonight...
Frank Corvin: [machine start spinning] You're on...
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [machine speed increases and it's moving really fast] This thing's moving?...
Frank Corvin: I don't know... Doesn't seems to be moving to me...
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [machine speed continues to increase] Say, fellas, is y'all's equipment broke down? Fellas?
[everybody's watching the show]
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: You're a pushover, Frank!.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [machine is now spinning at top speed] I do believe it's moving now...
Tank Sullivan: That sure will take the wrinkles out
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: [walking into the control room] WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: [really pissed, hits the emergency stop on the centrifuge] I'm sure you think you're putting on a great show, but this is not a toy! Now which one of you assholes wants to explain this?
Frank Corvin: Gene?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: WHAT?
Frank Corvin: Which one of us passed out first?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: I'm getting too old for this shit...
Frank Corvin: Well, what do you say, Reverend? You think a prayer's in order?
Tank Sullivan: I was just reciting the Shepard's Prayer. Alan Shepard's prayer. Oh Lord, please don't let us screw up. Amen.
[the crew are guests on the Tonight show]
Jay Leno: Now you all have military backgrounds... North or South?
Frank Corvin: This is Jerry O'Neill.
Sara Holland: No nickname for you?
Jerry O'Neill: You can call me
[kisses her hand]
Jerry O'Neill: anytime.
Jerry O'Neill: I'm an engineer! I stopped running when Nixon was president!
[challenging Frank to fight]
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Okay, bad guy, we're taking this outside! I want to whip your asymmetrical sagging ass! Get out there in that parking lot!
[Frank and Hawk step outside]
Jerry O'Neill: Here we go again...
Tank Sullivan: I've got ten on Frank!
Tiny, Bar Bouncer: I'll put you in the hospital, old man.
Frank Corvin: Yeah? Well, I've got MediCare. Go ahead and shoot your best shot!
[Frank and Hawk are asking a waitress who she would prefer to 'take home']
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Would you prefer this man, with his asymmetrical sagging ass-cheeks, his love-handles the size of Nebraska, and his oh-so-ugly in-grown toenail...?
Frank Corvin: [interrupting] Or this son of a bitch with the chicken-gizzard neck and the face that looks like thirty miles of Death Valley fire trail?
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What are you doing here?
Frank Corvin: Keeping a promise I made years ago.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Was that the promise you made to kill me or the promise you made to have both my legs broke?
Frank Corvin: [after Hawk crashes the shuttle during a simulation] Hawk, this isn't a stripped-down showplane. You've got to do it their way.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: I don't need a damn computer to tell me how to land an aircraft.
Roger Hines: It's not an aircraft, Colonel. It's a flying brick, and you've GOT to use the computer's protocols.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What if the on-board computer fails?
Ethan Glance: It never has.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [to the simulator supervisor] Houston, Horizon
Mission Control Tech: Go ahead
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Request second landing please.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Houston - Horizon, request on board computer FAILURE on second landing.
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: Run it again. Sock it to 'em.
Frank Corvin: Clock's ticking, Bob. And I'm only getting older.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What is a pancreas, anyhow? I mean, I don't know what the damn thing does for you, besides give you cancer.
Barbara Corvin: Would you like me to read the instructions to you again?
Frank Corvin: Let me tell you something, my dear. Those instructions were written by a fellow in Japan when they made this damn thing. They were probably translated by some gringo who was an expatriate American that couldn't get a job in this country. And then the Japanese guy probably translated him just to double check on him. You don't need these instructions. Not at all. Tear them up.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Have you noticed how everybody seems to be dead lately?
Frank Corvin: My only hope is that whatever doesn't burn up lands on Gerson's house.
Jerry O'Neill: [Watching Frank and Hawk in the centrifuge machine] Makes them look younger, doesn't it...
[Frank and Barbara Corvin are standing by their home and staring at the Moon]
Barbara Corvin: Do you think he
Barbara Corvin: made it?
Frank Corvin: Yeah, I think he made it.
Sara Holland: I have never met a kid who didn't dream of being an astronaut when he grew up.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Did you ever meet a kid who didn't grow up?
[the younger astronauts have given Team Daedalus some Ensure as a gag]
Jerry O'Neill: I'd drink this. It's good for your libido.
Frank Corvin: You sent us up to this bastard, have us put it back into orbit, fully armed, just to save your own ass?
Young Pilot #1: Hey, Hawk. This guys wants a scary ride.
Jason: It's my birthday!
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [pause] Happy birthday.
Frank Corvin: [after hes told Tank and Jerry to bail out] I thought i told you to bail out!
Tank Sullivan: We're staying! If you don't mind!
Jason: [to his girlfriend, after his plane ride] I love you, and I love being on the ground.
Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.