Bob Gerson: I can't fill up a space shuttle with geriatrics!
Frank Corvin: Clock's ticking, Bob. And I'm only getting older.
Sara Holland: I have never met a kid who didn't dream of being an astronaut when he grew up.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Did you ever meet a kid who didn't grow up?
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What is a pancreas, anyhow? I mean, I don't know what the damn thing does for you, besides give you cancer.
Frank Corvin: Well, what do you say, Reverend? You think a prayer's in order?
Tank Sullivan: I was just reciting the Shepard's Prayer. Alan Shepard's prayer. Oh Lord, please don't let us screw up. Amen.
Tiny, Bar Bouncer: I'll put you in the hospital, old man.
Frank Corvin: Yeah? Well, I've got MediCare. Go ahead and shoot your best shot!
Barbara Corvin: Would you like me to read the instructions to you again?
Frank Corvin: Let me tell you something, my dear. Those instructions were written by a fellow in Japan when they made this damn thing. They were probably translated by some gringo who was an expatriate American that couldn't get a job in this country. And then the Japanese guy probably translated him just to double check on him. You don't need these instructions. Not at all. Tear them up.
[Frank and Hawk are asking a waitress who she would prefer to 'take home']
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Would you prefer this man, with his asymmetrical sagging ass-cheeks, his love-handles the size of Nebraska, and his oh-so-ugly in-grown toenail...?
Frank Corvin: [interrupting] Or this son of a bitch with the chicken-gizzard neck and the face that looks like thirty miles of Death Valley fire trail?
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Have you noticed how everybody seems to be dead lately?
Frank Corvin: This is Jerry O'Neill.
Sara Holland: No nickname for you?
Jerry O'Neill: You can call me
[kisses her hand]
Jerry O'Neill: anytime.
Jerry O'Neill: I'm an engineer! I stopped running when Nixon was president!
Frank Corvin: You know what the worst day of my life was? The day Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon. I was probably the only person in America who wanted to commit suicide that day.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Well, thanks a lot Frank. We haven't spoken in twelve years and that's basically been the big question on my mind, what could make you commit suicide.
[the younger astronauts have given Team Daedalus some Ensure as a gag]
Jerry O'Neill: I'd drink this. It's good for your libido.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What are you doing here?
Frank Corvin: Keeping a promise I made years ago.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Was that the promise you made to kill me or the promise you made to have both my legs broke?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: Space will never be the same.
[challenging Frank to fight]
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Okay, bad guy, we're taking this outside! I want to whip your asymmetrical sagging ass! Get out there in that parking lot!
[Frank and Hawk step outside]
Jerry O'Neill: Here we go again...
Tank Sullivan: I've got ten on Frank!
[the crew are guests on the Tonight show]
Jay Leno: Now you all have military backgrounds... North or South?
Frank Corvin: You sent us up to this bastard, have us put it back into orbit, fully armed, just to save your own ass?
Frank Corvin: My only hope is that whatever doesn't burn up lands on Gerson's house.
Young Pilot #1: Hey, Hawk. This guys wants a scary ride.
Jason: It's my birthday!
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [pause] Happy birthday.
Tank Sullivan: I'm going to go to my room now and cry.
Frank Corvin: [after hes told Tank and Jerry to bail out] I thought i told you to bail out!
Tank Sullivan: We're staying! If you don't mind!
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Flying brick... I like that.
Frank Corvin: [after Hawk crashes the shuttle during a simulation] Hawk, this isn't a stripped-down showplane. You've got to do it their way.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: I don't need a damn computer to tell me how to land an aircraft.
Roger Hines: It's not an aircraft, Colonel. It's a flying brick, and you've GOT to use the computer's protocols.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What if the on-board computer fails?
Ethan Glance: It never has.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [to the simulator supervisor] Houston, Horizon
Mission Control Tech: Go ahead
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Request second landing please.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Houston - Horizon, request on board computer FAILURE on second landing.
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: Run it again. Sock it to 'em.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [Frank and Hawk are inside the centrifuge/spinning machine, which is about to be started] The first one to pass out buys the beers tonight...
Frank Corvin: [machine start spinning] You're on...
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [machine speed increases and it's moving really fast] This thing's moving?...
Frank Corvin: I don't know... Doesn't seems to be moving to me...
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [machine speed continues to increase] Say, fellas, is y'all's equipment broke down? Fellas?
[everybody's watching the show]
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: You're a pushover, Frank!.
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [machine is now spinning at top speed] I do believe it's moving now...
Tank Sullivan: That sure will take the wrinkles out
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: [walking into the control room] WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: [really pissed, hits the emergency stop on the centrifuge] I'm sure you think you're putting on a great show, but this is not a toy! Now which one of you assholes wants to explain this?
Frank Corvin: Gene?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: WHAT?
Frank Corvin: Which one of us passed out first?
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: I'm getting too old for this shit...
Jason: [to his girlfriend, after his plane ride] I love you, and I love being on the ground.
Jerry O'Neill: [Watching Frank and Hawk in the centrifuge machine] Makes them look younger, doesn't it...
Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.