Little Nicky (2000)
Jimmy the Demon: Remember, you have to shove a pineapple up Hitler's ass at 4 p.m...
John: Hey, by the way, Nicky, check this out, what's Ozzy tryin' to say there?
Nicky: John, absolutely nothing, the blizzard always came straight with his messages, but wrap your minds around this, gentlemen.
[Pulls out a Chicago album]
Todd: I love this song.
[Nicky plays the album backwards -"I command you, in the name of Lucifer, to spill the blood of the innocent..."]
Peter: Oh my God, Chicago kicks ass!
Jimmy the Demon: You were gone ten seconds, what happened?
Nicky: I was hit by this big light that was attached to a lot of metal.
Satan: That was a train, son, don't stand in front of them.
Nicky: Well, I'll have to take a mulligan on this one.
Nicky: Popeye's chicken is fuckin' awesome!
Demon: Popeye's chicken is the shiznit!
Townie: You can do it, Ozzy! Bite his freakin' head off!
Mr. Beefy: Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but *you* gotta use a toilet.
Valerie: What are you doing?
Nicky: I think I'm floating.
Valerie: Why would you be floating?
Nicky: Maybe it's because of this cake I ate earlier.
Nicky: So where did you meet Dad?
Holly: It was a long time ago at this heaven/hell mixer.
Christa: I remember that night. You had like four daiquiris.
Chubbs: You mambo?
Nicky: No, I don't think so.
Chubbs: It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips, it's all in the hips...
Nicky: I never been to Earth, Dad! I never even slept over some other dude's house!
Nicky: How can I win? Adrian is stronger and smarter than me.
Holly: Stronger? yes, Smarter? definitely. But, you have something that he doesn't have.
Nicky: A speech impediment?
Todd: [opens can of Coca Cola and takes a sip] This coke tastes like Pepsi.
Deacon: The Lord loves you, and the Lord loves you.
Deacon: You make the Lord very nervous.
Peter: Drink up. Here's to fifty million clams.
Adrian: To the defilement of Earth and the corruption of its people.
Peter: Okay whatever, just drink it.
Adrian: It's awfully hot down here. How do you manage to stay so cool?
John: Uh, beer lowers the body temperature. I read that in a beer magazine.
Adrian: This liquid would probably quench my thirst, cool me off.
John: It'll give you a pretty good buzz.
Adrian: Or maybe it will trap me inside for all of eternity.
John: Uh, no it won't.
Deacon: The Hell Beast is above us and I can smell an evil slut!
Nicky: That's not me! That's that cockroach Tony Montana!
Mr. Beefy: [shoots an arrow out of his penis and hits Adrian] Now that hurt the both of us.
Nicky: Get in the flask!
Popeye's Cashier: What're you talkin' about, man?
Nicky: I'm talkin' about an 8-piece, let's go!
Mom: Now *that* was some straight-up David Copperfield shit!
Todd: Okay this is really creeping me out. My TV just exploded.
Nicky: Your damn right it exploded!... I mean, "really?"
Todd: You know, this cake tastes kind of funny.
John: Oh yeah, I dumped a fat sack of reefer into the mix. I thought I'd spice up the batch.
Mr. Beefy: Really?
Nicky: What's Reefer?
Mr. Beefy: About five Hundred bucks an ounce.
Deacon: Why do you taunt me with your darkness? Your evil is stinkin' up our streets! The end is near! We are all gonna die!
Nicky: [after going to heaven] What is this? Is it Dad's birthday?
Adrian: Welcome to the party! It's so nice to see you all here! I'm so proud of you. You've taken to sin with such minimal prompting. You're acting as if there is no heaven or hell. Well, I've got news for you.
[Lifts cape up and turns into priest]
Adrian: There is most definitely a hell and you're all gonna go there when you die. Which is in about 15 minutes.
Deacon: Holy shit! We really are gonna die!
Adrian: I'm going to kill you with my bare hands.
Nicky: I'm ready for ya'.
[Adrian punches Nicky]
Nicky: I guess I wasn't ready.
Adrian: Grandpa Lucifer always said it was better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven. Well, I'm tired of serving in Hell.
Lucifer: The last time I saw a pair of jugs that big, two hillbillies were blowing on them.
Mr. Beefy: Yeah I had a weak back... about a week back! Ahahahaha!
Adrian: At the stroke of midnight, my father will be completely deteriorated and all your souls will be mine. Soon you will see things more horrible than you can even imagine
[stops... sees Nipples dancing erotically]
Adrian: Well... maybe not that horrible... but still pretty bad...
Nicky: You want a pillow fight, do ya? then let's let the feathers fly!
Satan: I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline.
Dan Marino: C'mon, man, I'm just asking, let me win one Superbowl.
Satan: In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.
Dan Marino: You did it for Namath.
Satan: Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways.
Nicky: I'll beat you Adrian!
Adrian: You cant beat me Nicky, even the voice inside your head has a speech impediment
Nicky: [after preacher runs away screaming about burning up, Nicky turns to speak to Mr. Beefy] I don't know what that guys problem is, it's freezing up here!
Holly: Oh angels don't get older sweety. I called him sweety!
[Holly and the angels laugh]
Valerie: Now why don't you give that nice man his flask back?
Street Vendor: And what you gonna do if I don't? Bite me with yo' ssssnaaggletooth?
Adrian: I bring you a dear sweet man, Mr. Henry Winkler!
Henry Winkler: Good evening.
Adrian: Covered in bees!
Nicky: Release the good.
[shoots rainbows out of hands and group of bunnies appear]
Nicky: Yes, they're furry.
Demon: Bunny, Bunny, Bunny, Bunny!
Nicky: [speaking in Korean to vendors] A thousand good mornings to you, my friends!
Korean Vendor: [speaking to wife in Korean] You grab him, I'll punch him in the dick until he passes out.
Korean Vendor: [repeatedly in Korean] Monster!
Reporter: And what brought you out to the game today?
Boy At Game: I came for the beer and the bitches.
Adrian: What time is my brother expected to arrive?
John: [looks at the clock and sees that it's past noon, desperate] ... ish?
Nicky: [after being told he needs to die] I'll just go to Heaven!
Mr. Beefy: Not if you do something bad right before you die!
Townie: I know! Cover Winkler in bees! You can do it!
Nicky: [sees Winkler covered with bee stings] Sorry, Henry!