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House on Haunted Hill (1999) Poster

Quotes

Pritchett: The house doesn't care what's fair, who lives or dies. Know why? 'Cause it's a fucking *house*!

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Eddie: [to Price, holding up bloody rag] Look at this! Huh? What is this?

Pritchett: [turns around] That? What just happened to you there... that's nothing. You've just been playing around with a ghost. Wait 'til somebody lets out the Darkness in this place. That's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit. That's... you'll hate that shit.

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Pritchett: [walking slowly to Sara] You don't... get it... do you? This house is pissed. It has no morals, 'cause it's a fucking *house*!

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Pritchett: Jesus, she's dead. She was cute, too. God, I'd love to get laid before I die.

[looks at Evelyn]

Pritchett: How you doin' tonight?

[Evelyn gives him a glare]

Pritchett: Yeah, I'm all right.

[continues drinking heavily]

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Evelyn: I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long. Where the hell are they?

Stephen Price: Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own: a group so hungry for money they'd do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers.

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Pritchett: Price didn't make the list; the house did... 'Cause she's a vengeful, stupid whore!

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[hearing the screaming from another part of the house]

Evelyn: Guess old Melissa found what she was looking for.

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Sara: I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.

Eddie: Right. Then where will we be?

Pritchett: Out of Scotch thanks to you, ass!

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Stephen Price: Sure is a funky old house, ain't it?

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[Price surprises Eddie, Sara, and Pritchett. Eddie almost shoots Price with his gun]

Eddie: That's a good way to get your head blown off, man!

Stephen Price: I'll recommend it to Evelyn.

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Stephen Price: Come on, honey, let's go down and meet your guests.

Evelyn: You go ahead, darling. I'm just going to run scolding hot water over the places you just touched me.

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Peter Graves: Dr. Richard Benjamin Vannacutt. He out-butchered Bundy, made Manson look meek.

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Eddie: [Eddie and Sara are atop a tall tower] That was one kickass party!

Sara: Okay, but one more thing: how do we get down from here?

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Pritchett: I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.

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Evelyn: [to Eddie] Get off me, you pervert!

Stephen Price: Congratulations. I don't think Evelyn's said that to anything with testicles, ever.

Evelyn: Very funny, Stephen. Have you?

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Eddie: Oh, so then we'll just stay here 'til morning.

Pritchett: Oh, great. I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then.

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Evelyn: Oh, Steven, you poor clueless old geek. All it would have taken was a simple divorce and ripping our prenup into tiny itsy bitsy little pieces, but no matter how it ended, please just know one thing. From the first moment I laid eyes on you I have always, always loved... your money. On the other hand, just the sight of you has made me want to puke.

Stephen Price: [grabbing Evelyn by the throat, surprising her] Is that a fact, princess? I mean, you could have saved us all a great deal of time, not to mention money, if you'd have just let me in on it years ago.

Evelyn: How?

Stephen Price: You must be kidding me. I'm Steven goddamn Price.

Evelyn: [trying to talk while Steven is choking her] Sweetie?

Stephen Price: Anything, angel. Just speak it.

Evelyn: What are you going to do?

Stephen Price: Just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place. I'm gonna murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure.

Evelyn: Witnesses.

Stephen Price: [grabbing her by her hair and pulling her up off the floor] You're already dead, Evelyn.

[kisses her]

Stephen Price: Happy birthday, baby.

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[after Price receives a call]

Channel 3 Reporter: So, Mr. Price, business or pleasure?

Stephen Price: Neither. My wife.

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Eddie: Me and you all three. Woohoo, let's boogie!

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Eddie: What good is a million dollars when you're dead?

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[discussing Evelyn's birthday party plans over the phone]

Stephen Price: Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter, you just hit a seventy-three.

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Pritchett: Sorry to interrupt. Goddammit, you give me my goddamn check right now! 'Cause I want it! So you give it! Now! I'm serious.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: [Stephen H. Price is sneaking out of the room] : And where are you off to, Mr. Price? Checking the wiring on the animatronic mummies?

Steven H. Price: I'm just gonna go take a leak, if it's okay with you.

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Eddie: I had nothing to do with this! I was adopted!

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Melissa Marr: Now, that's enter-fucking-tainment!

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Stephen Price: [after throwing a wrench and disengaging the lock-down] So much for a PhD in engineering.

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Evelyn: Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.

Stephen Price: Oh, but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the O.J. knife with the not-so-retractable blade, the Jim Jones Kool-Aid, which was exactly that...

Evelyn: Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.

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Stephen Price: [on his newest rollercoaster] Ever see one that starts at the top? 20 stories worth of top.

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Eddie: That was the most fun I've had all day.

Sara: You need to get out more.

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Sara: Is this house really haunted?

Pritchett: [near hysterics] It's uh, well, bleh... hah... yeah, it's pretty scary.

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[Pritchett appears behind Sara and Eddie after they find a dead body]

Eddie: Holy shit!

Pritchett: Booga booga.

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Evelyn: Who invited them?

Stephen Price: I don't know, it wasn't me and you say it wasn't you. Who then, Evelyn? Ghosts?

Evelyn: Ooh, spooky.

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Evelyn: You ever find out what happened to that little TV reporter?

Blackburn: No. They never found her.

Evelyn: So, we don't even know if the little bitch is dead or alive?

Blackburn: But I think Price must have killed her. There's no other explanation.

Evelyn: There's plenty, you moron. For all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now.

Blackburn: Oh, bullshit.

Evelyn: Oh, God. This whole fucking thing's falling apart.

Blackburn: It's not, baby, it's not. Somebody's gonna pull the trigger.

Evelyn: But nobody has yet, Donald. They're not at the breaking point. The bozos have to believe that their lives are in danger.

Blackburn: They have your death at his hands. How much more do they need?

Evelyn: But they didn't see it happen. They still have their doubts, they're confused. What we need is another body. Steven's bloody hands right next to him.

Blackburn: Well, how the hell are we gonna do that?

Evelyn: [laughs] This may sound a little crazy, but hear me out.

[Evelyn brutally stabs Blackburn]

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Eddie: I've never in my life met an executive who could tie their shoes, much less rewire an entire building.

Sara: There's always exceptions.

Eddie: No. Come on, what's the truth?

Sara: The truth is if we keep taking rights, we're going to have to end up where we started.

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Stephen Price: Let's go down and greet your guests. Show them the real you: corny as Kansas on the Fourth of July.

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Evelyn: Congratu-fucking-lations!

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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