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House on Haunted Hill (1999) Poster

Quotes

Eddie Baker: [talking to Steven Price while holding up bloody rag] Look at this! Huh? What is this?

Watson Pritchett: [turns around] That? What just happened to you there... that's nothing. You've just been playing around with a ghost. Wait til somebody lets out the Darkness in this place. That's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit. That's... you'll hate that shit.

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Watson Pritchett: I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: Get off me, you pervert!

Steven H. Price: Congratulations. I don't think Evelyn's said that to anything with testicles, ever.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Very funny, Stephen. Have you?

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[after Price receives a call from Evelyn]

Channel 3 Reporter: So Mr. Price, business or pleasure?

Steven H. Price: Neither. My wife.

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Eddie Baker: Oh, so then we'll just stay here 'til morning.

Watson Pritchett: [sarcastic] Oh, great. I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then.

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Steven H. Price: Let's go down and greet your guests. Show them the real you: corny as Kansas on the fourth of July.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long. Where the hell are they?

Steven H. Price: Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own - a group so hungry for money they'd do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers.

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Eddie Baker: Me and you all three. Woohoo, let's boogie!

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Eddie Baker: What good is a million dollars when you're dead?

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Watson Pritchett: [talking to Eddie] Price didn't make the list, the house did... Cause she's a vengeful stupid whore!

[kicks machinery on last line]

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Watson Pritchett: [walks slowly up to Sarah] You don't... get it... do you? This house is pissed. It has no morals, cuz it's a fucking house!

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[Hearing the screaming from another part of the house]

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Guess old Melissa found what she was looking for.

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Sara Wolfe: I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.

Eddie Baker: Right, then where will we be?

Watson Pritchett: Out of Scotch thanks to you, ass!

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[Discussing Evelyn's birthday party plans over the phone]

Steven H. Price: Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter, you just hit a seventy-three.

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Steven H. Price: Sure is a funky old house, ain't it?

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Watson Pritchett: Sorry to interrupt. God dammit, you give me my god damn check right now! 'Cuz I want it! So you give it! Now! I'm serious.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: Oh Steven, you poor clueless old geek, all it would have taken was a simple divorce and ripping our prenup into tiny itsy bitsy little pieces, but no matter how it ended, please just know one thing. From the first moment I laid eyes on you I have always, always loved... your money. On the other hand, just the sight of you has made me want to puke.

Steven H. Price: [grabbing Evelyn by the throat, surprising her] Is that a fact, princess? I mean, you could have saved us all a great deal of time, not to mention money, if you'd have just let me in on it years ago.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: How?

Steven H. Price: You must be kidding me, I'm Steven goddamn Price.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: [trying to talk while Steven is choking her] Sweetie?

Steven H. Price: Anything, angel, just speak it.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: What are you going to do?

Steven H. Price: Just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place. I'm gonna murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Witnesses.

Steven H. Price: [grabbing her by her hair and pulling her up off the floor] You're already dead, Evelyn.

[kisses her]

Steven H. Price: Happy birthday, baby.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: [Stephen H. Price is sneaking out of the room] : And where are you off to, Mr. Price? Checking the wiring on the animatronic mummies?

Steven H. Price: I'm just gonna go take a leak, if it's okay with you.

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[Steven Price surprises Eddie, Sara, and Pritchett. Eddie almost shoots Price with his gun]

Eddie Baker: That's a good way to get your head blown off, man!

Steven H. Price: I'll recommend it to Evelyn.

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Watson Pritchett: The house doesn't care what's fair, who lives or dies. Know why? Cause it's a fucking *house*!

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Eddie Baker: I had nothing to do with this! I was adopted!

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Melissa: Now, that's enter-fucking-tainment!

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: Congratu-fucking-lations!

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Steven H. Price: [after throwing a wrench and disengaging the lock-down] So much for a PhD in engineering.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.

Steven H. Price: Oh, but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the O.J. knife with the not-so-retractable blade, the Jim Jones Kool-Aid, which was exactly that...

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.

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Steven H. Price: Come on honey, let's go down and meet your guests.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: You go ahead darling, I'm just going to run scolding

[sic]

Evelyn Stockard-Price: hot water over the places you just touched me.

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Watson Pritchett: Jesus, she's dead. She was cute too. God, I'd love to get laid before I die.

[Looks at Evelyn]

Watson Pritchett: How you doin' tonight?

[Evelyn gives him a glare]

Watson Pritchett: Yeah, I'm alright.

[Goes back to heavy drinking]

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Steven H. Price: [on his newest rollercoaster] Ever see one that starts at the top? 20 stories worth of top.

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Eddie Baker: That was the most fun I've had all day.

Sara Wolfe: You need to get out more.

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Sara Wolfe: Is this house really haunted?

Watson Pritchett: [near hysterics] It's uh, well, bleh... hah... yeah, it's pretty scary.

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[Prichett appears behind Sarah and Eddie after they find a dead body]

Eddie Baker: Holy shit!

Watson Pritchett: Booga booga.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: Who invited them?

Steven H. Price: I don't know, it wasn't me and you say it wasn't you, who then, Evelyn? Ghosts?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Ooh, spooky.

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Peter Graves: Dr. Richard Benjamin Vannacutt. He out-butchered Bundy, made Manson look meek.

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Eddie Baker: [Eddie and Sara are atop a tall tower] That was one kickass party!

Sara Wolfe: OK but one more thing: How do we get down from here?

[Eddie and Sara laugh at their amusing predicament]

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: You ever find out what happened to that little TV reporter?

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: No. They never found her.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: So we don't even know if the little bitch is dead or alive?

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: But I think Price must have killed her. There's no other explanation.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: There's plenty, you moron. For all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: Oh, bullshit.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Oh, God. This whole fucking thing's falling apart.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: It's not, baby, it's not. Somebody's gonna pull the trigger.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: But nobody has yet, Donald. They're not at the breaking point. The bozos have to believe that their lives are in danger.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: They have your death at his hands. How much more do they need?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: But they didn't see it happen. They still have their doubts, they're confused. What we need is another body. Steven's bloody hands right next to him.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: Well how the hell are we gonna do that?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: [laughs] This may sound a little crazy, but hear me out.

[Evelyn brutally stabs Donald]

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Eddie Baker: I've never in my life met an executive who could tie their shoes.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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