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Things (1989)

Unrated  |  Video  |   |  Horror  |  September 1989 (USA)
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Ratings: 4.0/10 from 334 users  
Reviews: 27 user | 28 critic

An impotent husband, driven by a fanatical desire to father children, forces his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. The result: the birth of a multitude of monstrous THINGS.


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Cast overview, first billed only:
Don Drake / TV Maniac
Bruce Roach ...
Fred Horton
Doug Bunston ...
Doug Drake
Jan W. Pachul ...
Patricia Sadler ...
Susan Drake
Gordon Lucas ...
Tortured Man
Bruce Hamilton ...
In Dream
Daryn Gillis ...
Reporter #2
Allison McGinnis ...
Reporter #3
Jackie Seaman ...
Doctor's Assistant
Jeff Payne ...
Hanging Man
Jessica Stewarte ...
Nude Lady
Glenn Orr ...
Stretcher Boy
Tom Hochman ...


An impotent husband, driven by a fanatical desire to father children, forces his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. The result: the birth of a multitude of monstrous THINGS.

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis


Conceived by a lunatic, hatched within a human womb... See more »




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September 1989 (USA)  »

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The lowest point in adult film actress Amber Lynn's career. See more »

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User Reviews

I'm just trying to ease the tension
5 June 2005 | by See all my reviews

This is it my friend. When you haunt video stores in the hope of finding the worst movies ever made you can stumble across all types of elements that can make a movie terrible but 'things' managed to combine them all to produce a film that is so bad that it totally represents the bottom of the cinematic barrel.

1.Bad special effects. Check. The mutant ants (which seem to number in the dozens despite the tiny belly that they erupted from) in some scenes seem to be filled with green slime and in others, paper mache.

2.Bad dialog. Check. This is one of those movie where everyone seems compelled to make noise no matter what they are doing. My favorite scene involves a man looking through cupboards and saying "Hummm" as he opens each one.

3.Fully dressed Porn star. Check. Porn star and club owner Amber Lynne shows up as a reporter who spends the entire movie sitting on a chair and reading off cue cards. The remarkable thing is that in one of her first mainstream films, the set she is on has lower production values than any porn she had appeared in.

4.Referrences to better movies. Check. The biggest mistake a bad movie can make is reminding the audience of much better films and "Things" seem to revel is discussing movies like "Evil Dead" and comments about "last house on the left"

I could go on but the point has already been made. Of all the movies I have seen in my life this may actually be the worst. I know negative reviews will often cause people to seek out certain films but let me just say, watch at your own risk.

11 of 15 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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