A priest comes to a small town to help get rid of a monster whose blood coagulates very fast. This creates problems as the monster is very hard to kill and then decides to go on a killing spree of its own.
A psychotic redneck who owns a dilapidated hotel in rural East Texas kills various people who upset him or his business, and he feeds their bodies to a large crocodile that he keeps as a pet in the swamp beside his hotel.
Four young campers, Craig, Peter, Ingrid and Joanie, back-pack through the mountains for a relaxing weekend in the wilderness. They are out camping in broad daylight, while someone else is killing tourists in the woods. Craig warns the others not to go into the woods alone. The hillsides are crawling with fat women huffing up hillsides, nerdy bird-watchers, and young couples. Most of whom meet gruesome ends at the hands of a deranged and growling back-woodsman with a sharp spike - who announces his presence by shaking the nearest branch and whooping. The 'happy' campers don't see a man and his wife being chucked off a cliff whilst they splash about in the river below. They enter a forest which becomes denser and darker as they progress. Peter and Ingrid fear that they are lost. Something large suddenly comes lunging forward with a gleaming machete. Craig slips dead to the ground as the machete cuts him up. Peter and the others flee screaming into the forest. The rest of the day and ... Written by
Sujit R. Varma
Both very bad, and very good, if you know what I mean
I've been looking for this film for ages and now thanks to someone on Youtube I've finally watched this so-called Video Nasty. Is it the worst slasher film ever made? I don't think so (Psycho Cop beats it hands down in that category to name one example). Is it badly made? Sure, with loads of hilarious moments, but it's never boring for a minute and actually has at least one scene that works.
I hope you like dodgy editing, however, because the first few minutes are pretty confusing. After shots of some girl running screaming through the forest, we cut to four annoying actors out for a hike. Get used to cutting from this lot doing nothing to the killer offing various people we hardly get to know, because that's what most of the first half of the film involves, save for the footage of useless cops talking.
What you've got here is a crazy mountain hillbilly (love that get-up!) running around what must be the busiest forest on earth cutting people to bits with a spear in various daft situations, like the guy he throws off a cliff (who lands next to our quartet, who don't even notice!), the ornithologist he dismembers, and some other poor guy who gets a bear trap to the face. He also attacks a lady who's minding her own business drawing a painting, only to get slashed to bits.
Our quartet do eventually get involved with the killer, leading to an actual effective sequence where one of them finds the killer's house and gets slashed to bit for their troubles. The others end up running around the forest trying to escape our nutter and etc. It's slasher film no need for more plot. Except for the guy in the wheelchair. Now, for some reason the filmmakers thought it would be a good idea to have a guy in a wheelchair hiking around the woods. Not only that, but they've dubbed him to sound like he's got something wrong with his brain too, so not only do you have to see this guy struggle with a wheelchair (and fall over), but you've also got to listen to him making all these strange noises too. Hilarious, but probably not in the way the filmmakers intended.
What was also funny was the bit where one of the quartet speared a guy by accident I forgot about that bit.
So, far from being the worst film ever (although it tries), Don't Go Into the Woods Alone is a fine slice of cheesy entertainment that doesn't skimp on the blood. This film was everything I thought it would be, even though the version I watched was devoid of this crazy soundtrack I keep hearing about.
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