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The Caveman's Valentine (2001) Poster

Quotes

Romulus Ledbetter: I'm not homeless...I live in a cave.

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Bob: What do you play?

Romulus Ledbetter: My skull.

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Romulus Ledbetter: [while riding in the car] Look, Ward's Island. Do you remember that little playground?

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: [Smiling] Yeah, you said pirates lived there once. And there was buried treasure. You used to call me "Captain."

Romulus Ledbetter: [Nods] You used to dig in that sandbox for gold.

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: Once I found a balloon there.

Romulus Ledbetter: [Chuckles] You thought you found a balloon there.

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: [Gasping in realization] No! No!

Romulus Ledbetter: Yeah, you cried when I wouldn't blow it up.

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: [laughs] You did blow it up for me!

Romulus Ledbetter: No, no, I bought you a real one.

[Smiles]

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: [laughs again] Daddy, thank you for my flowers.

Romulus Ledbetter: A little late.

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: Still, it's the only Valentine I got. I didn't get you anything.

Romulus Ledbetter: Oh, you-you still could if you wanted to. There is something I kind of have my heart set on.

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: What?

Romulus Ledbetter: It's something I want more than chocolates or a car, or...

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: [Smiles] What do you want, Daddy?

Romulus Ledbetter: The autopsy report on Scotty Gates.

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: [sighs in frustration] I wish I could shake you. Just shake all that crazy shit out of your head. Goddamn!

[Slams fist on dashboard and pulls over to the side of the road]

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: Just a second. Just for a fucking second, it was like... like we were talking again. Like I was actually talking to my father.

[Tears roll down her cheeks]

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: You break my heart.

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[last lines]

Officer Lulu Ledbetter: I'm proud of you.

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Sheila: [Romulus wakes up in Moira's with Sheila nearby] Some white girls will fuck any kind of black man. Crazy... even homeless.

Romulus Ledbetter: Leave me alone, Sheila.

Sheila: So... what do you call yourself doing? Digging for evidence?

Romulus Ledbetter: I'm getting close. Something happened here. I can feel it.

Sheila: [Glances toward Moira and smirks] I bet you can. You better open up your eyes and take a look around.

Romulus Ledbetter: Leave me alone. How did you get in here, anyway?

Sheila: I rode in on your dreams.

Romulus Ledbetter: Well, ride on out.

Sheila: You better wake up, baby, before you get murdered in your sleep. You hear me? You better wake up...

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Romulus Ledbetter: I have flocks of angels in my head and that'll beat you down with their wings!

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Romulus Ledbetter: Shaker, Shaker, undertaker.

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Romulus Ledbetter: You can't matchbox me!

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David Leppenraub: Does it hurt? It's supposed to.

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Sheila: So, now you think you're a detective?

Romulus Ledbetter: I got eyes, Sheila. I can see things other people can't.

Sheila: Like me?

[Smiles]

Sheila: You still think I look like this after all these years?

[laughs]

Sheila: You're no smarter than when I married you, are you?

Romulus Ledbetter: I'm going to find the evidence, Sheila. I'm going to nail this Leppenraub bastard.

Sheila: Aw, baby, if your shit was a rocketship, you could fly to the moon. Now, why do you have to stick your nose in matters that don't pertain to you? And don't give me some bullshit about love.

Romulus Ledbetter: The dead boy knew me, Sheila. He called me, "The Voice."

Sheila: It's Lulu, isn't it? You want to prove yourself to her? You want to earn her respect? Try soap and water. Try getting a job.

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Moira Leppenraub: [after Romulus shows up bruised and bloody] What happened to you?

Romulus Ledbetter: Your brother's hit men tried to run me over.

Moira Leppenraub: [laughs] Photographers do not have hit men, Romulus.

Romulus Ledbetter: Yeah? Well, you tell that to No-Face with the gun.

Moira Leppenraub: You're psychotic, aren't you?

Romulus Ledbetter: I... I have brain typhoons.

Moira Leppenraub: Brain typhoons?

Romulus Ledbetter: Swarms of moth-seraphs howl in my skull. Lies vex them.

Moira Leppenraub: Then you'll understand if I don't invite you in.

Romulus Ledbetter: Mm-hmm.

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Romulus Ledbetter: Sheila, what are you doing here?

Sheila: Watching you make a fool of yourself. What are YOU doing here?

Romulus Ledbetter: I have to prove Leppenraub is guilty.

Sheila: Prove to who?

Romulus Ledbetter: To the world. To... to Lulu.

Sheila: Lulu needs a father, not some psycho Sherlock Holmes.

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[first lines]

Romulus Ledbetter: Don't you watch me! You think you're gonna crawl into my brain and see a show? That what I am? Is that what you think?

Social Worker: What I think, Mr. Ledbetter, is that the temperature is dropping.

Romulus Ledbetter: I got freezing temperatures all over my brain. And I got legends of angels up there! Like little moths, and they'll beat the hell out of you with their wings!

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Romulus Ledbetter: [to dog] You think I'm running a con, don't you. You think I'm the shoes and not the suit.

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Moira Leppenraub: Arnold tells me you're a genius.

Romulus Ledbetter: At what?

Moira Leppenraub: Music.

Romulus Ledbetter: Oh - is that all?

Moira Leppenraub: Why, is there more?

Romulus Ledbetter: Well, I can put a lit match in my mouth, and when the lights are out I look like a jack-o-lantern.

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David Leppenraub: If the price of rapture is a mountain of suffering, shouldn't the fee be paid?

Romulus Ledbetter: So long as nobody gets hurt.

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David Leppenraub: Success is fragile, Mr. Ledbetter.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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