Artie Henderson: I'm a little overweight due to a genetic disorder that makes fried chicken delicious.
[after learning that Norm decided to take it easy on insulting, Mr. Denby if he wouldn't fire his friends]
Norm: Ah, it was nothing, actually it was a huge sacrifice, it was not unlike that guy, uh, Jesus Christ Almighty!
Norm Henderson: I hate you. You've never given me anything to be happy for!
Max Denby: I gave you life!
Laurie: What are you going to keep doing this all your life? You know there is nothing sadder than a 70-year-old prostitute!
Norm: Yeah, you don't wanna have to be taking your teeth out twenty or thirty times a day!
Mr. Denby: Norm, I'd like to talk to you regarding our long distance policy (MacDonald, Norm@Norm Henderson)
[on the phone]
Mr. Denby: : Okay, sir
Mr. Denby: You have all these calls to China. Who do you know in China?
Norm Henderson: Well, no one until you call, sir. Hold on one second.
[into phone, in Chinese]
Norm Henderson: Ni hao ma. Ding hai Prince Albert in a can?
Norm Henderson: He may be rich, but all his money and power can't stop me from rubbing my hands together maniacally!
Mr. Denby: The men's bathroom is disgusting. Tell her, Norm.
Norm: There's a bathroom in this building? I've been using the donut shop across the street.
Laurie: You go all the way across the street just to use the bathroom in the donut shop?
Norm: There's a bathroom in the donut shop?