Memorable quotes for
Almost Famous (2000)

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Russell Hammond: I am a golden god!

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Russell Hammond: I never said I was a golden god... or did I?

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Russell Hammond: I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.

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Polexia Aphrodisia: Let's deflower the kid.

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Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

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Lester Bangs: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
William Miller: Well, it was fun.
Lester Bangs: They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.
William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
Lester Bangs: That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
William Miller: I can really see that now.
Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!
Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool.
William Miller: I feel better.
Lester Bangs: My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.

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Russell Hammond: I'm never as good as when you're there.

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Penny Lane: Call me if you need a rescue, we live in the same city.
William Miller: Heh, I think I live in a different world.

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Penny Lane: I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

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Russell Hammond: And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
[crowd cheers]
William Miller: Russell! I think we should work on those last words!
Russell Hammond: I got it, I got it. Last words - I dig music.
[a few claps]
Russell Hammond: [beat]
Russell Hammond: I'm on drugs!
[crowd cheers]

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Penny Lane: You're too sweet for rock and roll.
William Miller: Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and I am PISSED OFF! I could be very dangerous to all of you! And you should know that about me... I am THE ENEMY!

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Sapphire: Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak!

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William Miller: Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like "Love Thing," where did you write that and who was it about?
Russell Hammond: When did you get so professional?

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Anita Miller: FECK YOU!
Elaine Miller: HEY!
Anita Miller: This is a house of lies!
Elaine Miller: Well there it is, your sister used the "F" word.
Young William: I think she said "feck."
Elaine Miller: What's the difference?
Young William: The letter "u."

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Dennis Hope: If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age fifty, well, then, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.

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Ben Fong-Torres: A Mo-Jo, it's a very high-tech machine that transmits pages over the telephone! It only takes eighteen minutes a page!

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Elaine Miller: [in the middle of a class lecture] Rock stars have kidnapped my son!

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Russell Hammond: I hurt the flower.

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Penny Lane: Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.

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Penny Lane: How old are you?
William Miller: Eighteen.
Penny Lane: Me too! How old are we really?
William Miller: Seventeen.
Penny Lane: Me too!
William Miller: Actually, I'm sixteen.
Penny Lane: Me too. Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.
William Miller: I'm fifteen.

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Jeff Bebe: Is it that hard to make us look cool?

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Polexia Aphrodisia: It's all happening!

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Polexia Aphrodisia: Do you have any pot?
William Miller: No. I'm a *journalist*.
Polexia Aphrodisia: Well, go do your job then. You're on the road, man. It's all happening! Get in there. Go talk to 'em!

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William Miller: I have to go home.
Penny Lane: You are home.

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Russell Hammond: [Russell grabs phone away from William] Hey, mom! It’s Russell Hammond. I play guitar in Stillwater. Hey, how does it feel to be the mother of the greatest rock journalist we've met? Hello? Hello...? Look, you've got a really great kid here. There's nothing to worry about. We're taking good care of him, and you should come to the show sometime - join the circus...
Elaine Miller: Hey, hey, listen to me, mister. You're charm doen't work on me - I'm on to you. Of course you like him...
Russell Hammond: Well, yeah...
Elaine Miller: He worships you people. And that's fine by you as long as he helps make you rich.
Russell Hammond: Rich? I don't think so...
Elaine Miller: Listen to me. He's a smart, good-hearted fifteen year old kid with infinite potential.
Russell Hammond: [Russell is stunned]
Elaine Miller: This is not some apron-wearing mother you're speaking with - I know all about your valhalla of decadence and I shouldn't have let him go. He's not ready for your world of compromised values and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti. Am I speaking to you clearly?
Russell Hammond: Yes - yes, ma'am...
Elaine Miller: If you break his spirit, harm him in any way, keep him from his chosen profession which is law - something you may not value, but I do - you will meet the voice on the other end of this telephone and it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?
Russell Hammond: Uh, yes, ma'am...
Elaine Miller: I didn't ask for this role, but I'll play it. Now go do your best. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to become a person of substance, Russell. Please get my son home safely. You know, I'm glad we spoke.
[Elaine hangs up]
Russell Hammond: [Russell stands holding phone in stunned silence]

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Russell Hammond: Your mom kind of freaked me out.
William Miller: [places hand on Russell's shoulder] She means well.

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Anita Miller: First it was butter then it was sugar and white flour, bacon, eggs, balogna, rock 'n roll, motorcycles. Then! It was celebrating Christmas on a day in September when you knew it wouldn't be commercialized! What else are you gonna ban?
Elaine Miller: Honey, you want to rebel against knowledge, I'm trying to give you the cliffnotes on how to live life in this world.
Anita Miller: We're like nobody else I know!
Elaine Miller: I am a college professor. Why can't I teach my own kids? Use me!
Anita Miller: Darryl says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I'm a "Yes" person and you are trying to raise us in a "No" environment.
Elaine Miller: Well, clearly "No" is a word Darryl doesn't hear much.
Anita Miller: I can't live here! I hate you! Even William hates you!
Young William: I don't hate her.
Anita Miller: You do hate her! You don't even know the truth.
Elaine Miller: Dramaqueen.
Anita Miller: Feck you!
Elaine Miller: Hey!
Anita Miller: This is a house of lies!

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William Miller: I love you. And I'm about to boldly go where... many men have gone before.

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Jeff Bebe: "Rock 'n' roll can save the world"? "The chicks are great"? I sound like a dick!
Russell Hammond: [to himself] You are a dick.

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Ben Fong-Torres: You're not there to party. We've already got *one* Hunter Thompson.

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Anita Miller: This song explains why I'm leaving home to become a stewardess.

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Lester Bangs: Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool.

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Elaine Miller: Rock stars have kidnapped my son!

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William Miller: Don't you have any regular friends?
Penny Lane: Famous people are just more interesting.

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Lester Bangs: So, you're the one who's been sending me those articles from your school newspaper.
William Miller: I've been doing some stuff for a local underground paper, too.
Lester Bangs: What, are you like the star of your school?
William Miller: They hate me.
Lester Bangs: You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

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Lester Bangs: You CANNOT make friends with the rock stars. That's what's important. If you're a rock journalist - first, you will never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. And they'll buy you drinks, you'll meet girls, they'll try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs... I know. It sounds great. But they are not your friends. These are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of the rock stars, and they will ruin rock and roll and strangle everything we love about it.

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Russell Hammond: Write what you want.

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Jeff Bebe: I can't say anymore with the writer here.
Russell Hammond: No, no, no. You can trust him, you can say whatever you want.
Jeff Bebe: I work just as hard or harder than anybody on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the guy who isn't getting off, and I make him get off.
Jeff Bebe: [to William] Actually, *that* you can print!

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William Miller: [on meeting Stillwater] Russell. Jeff. Ed. Larry. I really love your band. I think the song "Fever Dog" is a big step forward for you guys. I think you guys producing it yourselves, instead of Glyn Johns, was the right thing to do. And the guitar sound... is incindiary. Incendiary. Way to go.
[He turns to leave. The band members regard one another for a moment]
Russell Hammond: Well, don't stop there!
Jeff Bebe: Yeah, come back here! I'm incendiary, too, man!

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William Miller: "That groupie"? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!

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Elaine Miller: May I speak with William, please?
Sapphire: He's not here. I think he's in the bar with the band. They just got back from the radio station. Is this Maryann with the pot?... Hello?
Elaine Miller: No, this isn't Maryann with the pot. This is Elaine. His mother. Could you please give him a message? Could you tell him to call home immediately? And could you also tell him - I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
Sapphire: All right. But I'm just going to say this, and I'm going to stand by it: you should be really proud of him. 'Cause I know guys, and I'll bet you do too. And he respects women, and he likes women, and let's just pause and appreciate a man like that. You created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, and we're all looking out for him. He's doing a great job, and don't worry - he's still a virgin. And that's more than I've ever said to my own parents, so there you go... This is the maid speaking, by the way.

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Jeff Bebe: Doris is the soul of this band!

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William Miller: Please don't give him any more acid.

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Russell Hammond: You, Aaron, are what it's all about. You're real. Your room is real. Your friends are real. Real, man, real. You know? Real. You're more important than all the silly machinery. Silly machinery. And you know it! In eleven years its going to be 1984, man. Think about that!
Aaron: Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake?
Russell Hammond: Yes.

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Sapphire: They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts.

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[Finally getting his interview with Russell Hammond]
William Miller: So Russell... what do you love about music?
Russell Hammond: To begin with, everything.

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Sapphire: Just think, any other city and you'd still be a virgin.

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Elaine Miller: Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and no glass slipper.

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Lester Bangs: Don't let those swill merchants rewrite you.

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Russell Hammond: From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in.

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Russell Hammond: And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
William Miller: Russell! I think we should work on those last words!
Russell Hammond: I got it, I got it. Last words: I dig music. I'm on drugs!

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William Miller: When and where does this "real world" occur?

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Jeff Bebe: Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Except Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it's a voice that says, "Here I am... and fuck you if you can't understand me." And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock 'n' roll can save the world... all of us together. And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something in your music.

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Dennis Hope: I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella.

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Elaine Miller: Adolescence is a marketing tool.

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Lester Bangs: Oh man, you made friends with 'em. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
William Miller: Well, it was fun.
Lester Bangs: Because they make you feel cool, and hey, I met you. You are not cool.

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Elaine Miller: Keep the small bills on the outside and call me if anyone gets drunk.
William Miller: I will call you if anyone *anywhere* gets drunk.

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Penny Lane: Maybe it is love, as much as it can be, for somebody...
William Miller: Somebody who sold you to Humble Pie for fifty bucks and a case of beer! I was there! I was there!... Look- I'm sorry.
Penny Lane: [sniffs] What kind of beer?

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Penny Lane: Look - you should be happy for me. You don't know what he says to me in private. Maybe it is love - as much as it can be...

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Russell Hammond: Well William, we've been across the entire country and did everything to you except get you laid.
[William looks out the window and smiles]
Russell Hammond: Really? No!
All in car: No!

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Topeka Kid: You're Russell from Stillwater.
Russell Hammond: Well, yeah, on my better days, I am Russell from Stillwater.

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[Regarding the t-shirt picture]
Russell Hammond: Can we just skip the vibe, and go straight to us laughing about this?
Jeff Bebe: Yeah, okay.
Russell Hammond: Because I can see by your face you want to get into it.
Jeff Bebe: How can you tell? I'm just one of the out-of-focus guys.

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Russell Hammond: You know, I think we both wanted to, uh, to be with her. I guess she wanted us to be together.

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Russell Hammond: Your mom kinda freaked me out.

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Penny Lane: We are not Groupies. Groupies sleep with rockstars because they want to be near someone famous. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids.

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Jeff Bebe: It's okay! I'm easy to forget! Just leave me behind! I'm only the fucking lead singer!

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Lester Bangs: And then it just becomes an industry of... cool.

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Penny Lane: I've made a decision, I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year. I need a new crowd. Do you wanna come?
William Miller: Yes! Yeah.
Penny Lane: Are you sure?
William Miller: Ask me again.
Penny Lane: Do you wanna come?
William Miller: Yes! Yes.

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Anita Miller: One day you'll be cool. Look under your bed, it'll set you free.

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Polexia Aphrodisia: Forgive me father, for I may sin tonight.

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Anita Miller: Listen to Tommy with a candle burning, and you'll see your future.

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[Russell is on the phone with Penny]
Russell Hammond: Give me your address. This time, I'm coming to you.

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Russell Hammond: Don't worry, no one's getting hurt here. She knows Leslie's coming to New York tomorrow. This is the circus, everybody's trying not to go home. Stop looking at me like that.

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Elaine Miller: [to William] Your Dad was so proud of you. He knew you were a predominantly accelerated child.
Anita Miller: What about me?
Elaine Miller: You are rebellious and ungrateful of my love.

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Jeff Bebe: He was never a person, he was a journalist!

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Jeff Bebe: He was never a person! He was a *journalist*!

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Jeff Bebe: You know I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for that one guy that's not getting off, and I *make* him get off!

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[Ed's only line]
Ed: Fuck it! I'm... I'm gay!

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Sheldon the Desk Clerk: Are you Mr. Miller?
William Miller: Yeah.
Sheldon the Desk Clerk: [politely] You have a message from Elaine, your mother.
[pause]
Sheldon the Desk Clerk: She's a handful.
William Miller: I know.
Sheldon the Desk Clerk: [seriously] She freaked me out.

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Lester Bangs: The Doors? Jim Morrison? He's a drunken buffoon posing as a poet.
Alice Wisdom: I like the doors.
Lester Bangs: Give me the guess who. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic.

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Estrella Starr: [about Penny Lane] She Changed everything. She was the one that said "No more sex. No more exploiting our bodies and hearts." Just blow-jobs, and that's it!

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Russell Hammond: [upon entering William's bedroom] So... This is where the enemy sleeps.

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Lester Bangs: Iggy Pop!
[smiling effusively]
Lester Bangs: Amen!

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Polexia Aphrodisia: [to William watching Penny Lane] Act One, in which she pretends she doesn't care about him.
Polexia Aphrodisia: [sees Russell strumming his guitar and staring at Penny] Act Two, in which he pretends he doesn't care... and goes right for her.
Polexia Aphrodisia: [Russell goes to Penny] Act Three, in which it all plays out the way she planned it. She'll eat him alive.

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Lester Bangs: You like Lou Reed?
William Miller: The early stuff. In his new stuff he's trying to be Bowie, but he should just be himself.

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William Miller: You said we were going to go to Morocco. There is no Morocco. There's not even a Penny Lane. I don't even know your real name.

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Sapphire: Does anybody remember laughter?

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Jeff Bebe: And I also slept with Leslie.
Russell Hammond: You slept with Jeff?
Leslie: Yeah, but it didn't COUNT! It was the summer we decided to be free of all rules!

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Anita Miller: All the kids make fun of him. They call him the Narc behind his back.
Elaine Miller: What's a narc?
Anita Miller: It's a narcotics officer.
Elaine Miller: Well, what's wrong with THAT?

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Jeff Bebe: [to Russell] Your looks have become a problem!

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Dick Roswell: Ladies and Gentelmen! The evening is over. We hope you all enjoyed yourselves and we'll see you all again in 1974. Good evening!

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[first lines]
Elaine Miller: You wanna be Atticus Finch. Oh, that makes me feel so good.
Young William: I like him.

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[last lines]
Penny Lane: Morocco. A seat by the window, please.

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Elaine Miller: You've been kissing!

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Anita Miller: It's unfair that we can't listen to our music!
Elaine Miller: Honey, it's all about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Anita Miller: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!
Elaine Miller: Yes it's poetry. It's the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Look at the picture on the cover, they're on pot.

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Penny Lane: When we go to Morocco, I think we should have completely different names and be completely different people.
William Miller: What will our names be?

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