The Specials (2000)
Sunlight Grrrll: We saw the news. You and the Losers called it a day?
Deadly Girl: We?
Sunlight Grrrll: The Femme Five. I'm here to ask you to join.
Deadly Girl: Well then you'd be the Femme Six.
Sunlight Grrrll: There are already eight of us. Traditional counting is an oppressive patriarchal tool.
Deadly Girl: [smiles] I'll think about it. But in the meantime, get off my fucking lawn, whore.
Ms. Indestructible: Every morning I look down and I'm wearing boots with lightning bolts on them and I think... where did I make the wrong turn?
College Girl: Hey, are you Minuteman? Can we have your autograph?
Minute Man: My-noot Man! Do I look like a soldier from the Revolutionary War? I don't think so! Am I wearing a three-cornered hat? No! I turn small. Think!
Minute Man: [signing an autograph] I'm thinking of changing my name.
Deadly Girl: Change it to what?
[hisses at the autograph hound, scaring her away]
Minute Man: To... 'Small'
Deadly Girl: Small-Man?
Minute Man: No, just 'Small'
Deadly Girl: Well that's pretty stupid.
Minute Man: It's better than Mr. Smart.
Deadly Girl: It's better than Captain Cuntface too.
Minute Man: Whatever.
Minute Man: The great thing about not getting the person that you love is that you can still think about that person and masturbate, which is essentially the same thing.
Deadly Girl: Ted might have been right about some things. Like drinking; last week I got drunk at a bar mitzvah, unthinkingly summoned forth demons and... they ate a kid.
Deadly Girl: I used to think I didn't need a family. I mean, I had the demons and the walking skeletons. But the difference between a walking skeleton and a kid is, a kid won't eat the soft parts of your face while you're sleeping.
The Weevil: I've had superpowers longer than anyone in the Specials, I think - which explains why I'm the only one with a Pez dispenser with a little me on it.
Minute Man: The one thing that happened that sucked was that I lost my shrinking ability for two weeks, like a flu bug, or... I mean, I didn't lose them entirely. I was able to shrink down to about four-foot-five. But just being short isn't really a superpower.
Amok: Sex? It's difficult. I get charged up, the anti-matter starts flying, next thing you know I'm humping a chick without an ass. I shoulda just stayed home.
The Weevil: My old man used to say that love is what happens when you fail at living life on your own. He was gay, so what did he know?
U.S. Bill: This is the basement. Want to see the furnace?
Nightbird: That's okay.
U.S. Bill: It's hot. Don't press your face against it for too long or you get red streaks on you for, like, a month.
Minute Man: What's it like, summoning demons?
Deadly Girl: They do your will, and that makes you feel good about yourself.
The Weevil: The government gives the Crusaders all the best gigs. The Specials, goddamn, it's like being last sailor in line behind the whore.
Verdict: You know what first ran through my head, when I discovered I was the world's strongest man?
The Weevil: No.
Verdict: Think of the pussy, Weevil.
The Weevil: What's a pussy-weevil?
The Weevil: So, why me?
Verdict: "Weevil" is a brand name in which we'd like to share. And you have the superpower we most admire - you know how to make people like you.
The Weevil: Yeah, well...
Verdict: And, also, we have a line of Crusader Beanie Babies coming out in August, and none of our members wear blue.
Amok: We may not be the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most powerful. But we don't exist for the beautiful people of the world, Ted! We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!
The Strobe: I'm not saying the Great Strobe is better than other humans. I am, but that's beside the point. I can shoot laser beams out of my arms, that's what sets me apart. Can other humans do that? Can they? Can they?
Nightbird: I've been a humongous fan of the Specials since I was knee-high to... something for sure. All my friends would make fun of me because the Specials were not a "cool" group like the Amazing Trio or the Crusaders. But, you know, screw that. I also liked Winger better than Bon Jovi. I still do. I don't care what the critics say.
[first title card]
Title Card: This is the story of the Specials...
Title Card: ...The 6th or 7th greatest superhero team in the world.
Title Card: They have spent many a day fighting natural disasters and battling supervillains.
Title Card: This is not one of those days.
Reporter: [off-screen] Are those nipples on your costume? Shit!
The Strobe: Superheroes don't get Oscars. We get action figures.
Amok: [to the Weevil] Those pants make you look like you don't have any cock. Did I ever tell you that?
U.S. Bill: [to a reporter] With super powers comes super responsibility. For instance, when you see a little girl, I'm urnating on that
The Strobe: I was gonna take this opportunity to introduce our newest member Nightbird, but when you create her action figure you'll probably make a giant tit come out of her forehead.
Verdict: You know what first ran through my head when I discovered I was the world's strongest man?
The Weevil: No.
Verdict: Think of the pussy, Weevil.
The Weevil: The pussyweevil?
Minute Man: God damn it, Ted, if you were my siamese twin I'd fucking kill you.
U.S. Bill: What does that mean?