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The Item (1999)

 -  Action | Horror  -  28 January 1999 (USA)
3.5
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Ratings: 3.5/10 from 634 users  
Reviews: 68 user | 19 critic

Four felons are contacted by an anonymous client via the internet. They are instructed to go to a remote desert island and pick up an "item" and keep it safe for 24 hours. It will then be ... See full summary »

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Title: The Item (1999)

The Item (1999) on IMDb 3.5/10

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Cast

Complete credited cast:
...
Lauren (as DawnMarie Velasquez)
Dan Clark ...
Alex
...
Martin
Dan Lake ...
Fatty
...
Dr. Ody
Romy J. Sharf ...
Nurse Nicky
...
Rita
Kyle B. Cunningham ...
Joseph
Steven K. Mok ...
Drag Queen #1
Peter Sean Maloney ...
Robin (as Peter Sean)
Paul Balagot ...
Drag Queen #2
Alexandre Pierre ...
Drag Queen #3
Alden Bunyan ...
Paulie
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Storyline

Four felons are contacted by an anonymous client via the internet. They are instructed to go to a remote desert island and pick up an "item" and keep it safe for 24 hours. It will then be picked up and they will be paid. However, upon getting it back to their apartment, their curiosity gets the better of them and they decide to investigate their package. They discover that they have a telepathic worm connected to a life support system. The film then disintegrates into a slasher film as one by one the protectors are killed in grisly fashion. Written by John Sacksteder <jsack@jka.net>

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Plot Keywords:

desert | package | worm | apartment | death | See All (27) »

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Something is dying to get out. See more »

Genres:

Action | Horror

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for strong violence/gore, sexuality, some language and drug content

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Release Date:

28 January 1999 (USA)  »

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Connections

Referenced in Dead Man's Dream (2002) See more »

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User Reviews

 
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24 November 2001 | by See all my reviews

There is so much to say about this film. None of it is good. Sometimes I wonder if film festivals, and Artisan Entertainment in particular exist so weirdos and nutcases, i.e. people who truly should NOT be allowed to make movies, can make movies. Don't take my statement wrong. Film festivals often ensure that worthy directors, writers, actors, etc., hit the spotlight and have a chance to become great. I KNOW this. But geez, with stuff like this coming out of them... violence for the sake of violence, murder, extremely thinly veiled references to sex and sex objects (I mean the disinfectant scene with the worm makes you suspect, but then she talks about the worm being phallic just in case we were mysteriously struck blind), and the language are almost unforgivable. We're supposed to believe that they're criminals and that criminals swear naturally, but to imagine these people as felons we'd have to be on drugs. The lead protagonist, while attempting to play someone who's tough and not afraid to die, is so pathetically thin and pale that you simply can't believe he's done time. His 'Second In Command', so to speak, cries at one point in the movie because the other felons 'make fun of him'. Another of the four criminals, played by Dave Pressler, actually gives a good shot at doing his part, and you really feel for him at a couple of points during the movie. The last, the woman playing Lauren, has so few lines of dialogue that you can't really tell if she's a good actor or not. Maybe that's a good thing.

The last gripe I have is about the 'special effects'. Most of them are extremely over done. Bullet holes smoke like a Yosemite Sam cartoon, ricochets throw off bright blue sparks like downed power lines, during a chase scene that should never have happened in the first place everyone seems to be on roller skates (I can just HEAR the smug voice of the writer/producer saying to himself 'oooh, it's art') and idiotic little squealing tire and whoosh effects accompany actor movements from time to time that just leave you shaking your head and trying hard to stop the fingers of one of your hands from pressing the eject button. I maybe should have given in, it had more sense than I did. By the way, are the drag queens an attempt to satirize the lifestyle or were their parts simply a favor done for someone in the movie biz to get the video distributed? They are unnecessary and rather... sickening.

An EXTREMELY pointless and slow-witted movie with one or two funny and/or interesting scenes (read 10 seconds) which is why I gave it a 2/10 and not 1/10. Oooh, look, it's art!

-The Dude


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