| Photos (See all 12 | slideshow) |
| Rhys Ifans | ... | Pete Thompson | |
| Joseph Fiennes | ... | Sean Deeny | |
| Tara Fitzgerald | ... | Masha | |
| Sadie Frost | ... | Sarah Thompson | |
| Steven Berkoff | ... | Mr Kant | |
| Keith Allen | ... | Dr Jones | |
| Dani Behr | ... | Charlie | |
| Andrew Howard | ... | Trevor | |
| Nick Moran | ... | Harry the dealer | |
| Olegar Fedoro | ... | Mr. Kant's bodyguard Naz (as Olegario Fedoro) | |
| Barry Foster | ... | Doctor | |
| Brian Hibbard | ... | Giovanni | |
| Steve Speirs | ... | BMW Man (as Steven Speirs) | |
| Joshua Richards | ... | Police officer | |
| Mariusz Czajka | ... | Mittelmaier | |
| Robert Brzezinski | ... | Malenkov | |
| Katarzyna Trzcinska | ... | Prostitute | |
| Ryszard Janikowski | ... | Heavy | |
| rest of cast listed alphabetically: | |||
| Beverly Hotsprings | ... | Tricia (uncredited) | |
| Mark Thomas | ... | English businessman (uncredited) | |
| Miroslaw Zbrojewicz | ... | (uncredited) | |
Directed by | |||
| Edward Thomas | (as Ed Thomas) | ||
Writing credits(in alphabetical order) | ||
| James Hawes | book | |
Original Music by | |||
| John E.R. Hardy | |||
Cinematography by | |||
| Tony Imi | |||
Film Editing by | |||
| Chris Lawrence | |||
Casting by | |||
| Mark Thomas | |||
Production Design by | |||
| Hayden Pearce | |||
Art Direction by | |||
| Tom Pearce | |||
Costume Design by | |||
| Jany Temime | |||
Makeup Department | |||
| Kathy Ducker | .... | makeup artist | |
| Pamela Haddock | .... | assistant makeup artist | |
| Meinir Jones-Lewis | .... | makeup designer | |
| Barbara Southcott | .... | assistant makeup artist | |
Production Management | |||
| Marcin Marcinkiewicz | .... | production manager: Polish unit | |
| Gareth Skelding | .... | unit manager | |
| Lionel Strutt | .... | post-production supervisor | |
Art Department | |||
| Dave Feeney | .... | stand-by carpenter | |
| Teresa Gruber | .... | set dresser: Poland | |
| Wayne Maggs | .... | painter | |
| Inga Palocz | .... | set dresser assistant: Poland | |
| Frazer Pearce | .... | set dresser | |
| Huw Pearce | .... | set dresser | |
| Gareth Richards | .... | assistant props | |
| Mike Weston | .... | construction manager | |
| Ray Weston | .... | scenic decorator | |
| Steve Wheeler | .... | property master | |
| Paul Jones | .... | carpenter (uncredited) | |
Sound Department | |||
| Julie Ankerson | .... | foley artist | |
| Campbell Askew | .... | sound effects editor | |
| Ben Brazier | .... | assistant sound editor | |
| Kevin Brazier | .... | supervising sound editor | |
| Robert Brazier | .... | foley mixer | |
| Simon Day | .... | sound re-recording mixer | |
| John Fewell | .... | foley artist | |
| Dave Humphries | .... | adr mixer (as David Humphries) | |
| Blair Jollands | .... | sound effects editor | |
| Simon Jones | .... | temp mix | |
| Sandy MacRae | .... | production sound mixer | |
| Ian Richardson | .... | boom operator | |
| Alan Sallabank | .... | sound re-recording mixer | |
| Kallis Shamaris | .... | dialogue editor | |
| Trevor Swanscott | .... | foley mixer | |
| Robert Thomson | .... | sound re-recording mixer | |
Special Effects by | |||
| Richard Reeves | .... | special effects supervisor | |
| Arkadiusz Rosczak | .... | special effects supervisor: Polish unit | |
Stunts | |||
| David Anders | .... | stunt double | |
| Robert Brzezinski | .... | stunt coordinator - Polish unit | |
| Glenn Marks | .... | stunt coordinator | |
Camera and Electrical Department | |||
| Eddie Armstrong | .... | gaffer | |
| Alex Bailey | .... | still photographer | |
| Paul Edwards | .... | Steadicam operator | |
| Paul Godfrey | .... | camera operator | |
| Mark Hutchings | .... | electrician | |
| Paul O'Neil | .... | first company grip | |
| Kevin Rudge | .... | camera focus | |
| Martin Scanlan | .... | camera trainee | |
| Kevin Scott | .... | assistant camera | |
| Steve Slocombe | .... | best boy | |
| Andrew Stubbs | .... | second company grip | |
Costume and Wardrobe Department | |||
| Stephanie Eatwell | .... | costume supervisor | |
Editorial Department | |||
| John Heath | .... | color grader | |
| Tom Mayclim | .... | negative cutting assistant (uncredited) | |
Music Department | |||
| Stewart Lewis | .... | score recordist | |
| Dai Shell | .... | score mixer | |
Transportation Department | |||
| Jon Wilkins | .... | transportation coordinator | |
| Barry Wooding | .... | transportation captain | |
Other crew | |||
| Tilly Creswell | .... | production coordinator | |
| John Davies | .... | production accountant | |
| Olegar Fedoro | .... | dialogue coach: Russian | |
| Claire Lincoln | .... | production secretary | |
| Miroslawa Manko | .... | location manager: Poland | |
| Jennifer Thomas | .... | key assistant accountant | |
| Thomasi Vilos | .... | assistant location manager | |
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| Full cast and crew | Company credits | External reviews |
| News articles | IMDb Comedy section | IMDb UK section |
First of all, I should've known better than to go to see a film that was being flyposted around London with a recommendation from The Daily Star emblazoned at the top of it. Second of all, the only reason I went at all was because my girlfriend was in a post-Shakespeare In Love Joseph Fiennes phase.
And oh dear god it's bad. It doesn't help that it makes absolutely no sense, mainly due to some of the most jarring cuts I've ever seen outside a GCSE film project. One scene in particular threw me entirely when Rhys Ifans' character was in London one minute, being vaguely threatened by some cliched heavy, but once I'd glanced away for a second (probably checking my watch) I looked up to find that he was suddenly in Russia, being sneered at by some different cliched heavies. Elsewhere the editing is seriously misguided - several times the film lingers on pointless scenes featuring female flesh, while seemingly integral plot points are rushed through, patched together unsatisfactorily by a hammy voiceover.
Both Fiennes and Ifans - actors I rate - are quite terrible, but words can only hint at how appalling Steven Berkoff is in this film. He pretty much only says one word (several times) - "Beeeeeeeezneeeeeeesss", and every time he did I couldn't help but think that he was gradually making his villain in Rambo 3 seem like an acting tour de force.
I've never once walked out on a film before. I'm clearly too stubborn - we were the only two people that DIDN'T walk out at the screening we attended. Comfortably the worst film I have ever paid so endure.