Grim Fandango (1998 Video Game)
[talking about the car]
Glottis: There was a high-pitched whining noise. Kinda grating, you know? I couldn't nail it down. It only stopped when I pulled up here.
Velasco: What was it? The blower?
Glottis: Nah. It was Manny, screaming like a cat tied to a cruise missile.
Olivia Ofrenda: [reading a poem] With bony hands I hold my partner/ On soulless feet we cross the floor/ The music stops as if to answer/ An empty knocking at the door/ It seems his skin was sweet as mango/ When last I held him to my breast/ But now we dance this grim fandango/ And will four years before we rest.
Manuel Calavera: You know, sweetheart, if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: nobody knows what's gonna happen at the end of the line, so you might as well enjoy the trip.
Manuel Calavera: My scythe... I like to keep it next to where my heart used to be.
Hector LeMans: Oh Manny... so cynical... What happened to you, Manny, that caused you to lose your sense of hope, your love of life?
Manuel Calavera: I died.
[about Mercedes Colomar]
Salvador: Manuel? Are you... in love with her?
Manuel Calavera: Love? Love is for the living, Sal. I'm only after her for one reason... she's my ticket out of here.
Manuel Calavera: [to the coroner, Membrillo] How do you do this job?
Membrillo: Without becoming jaded, you mean? The secret to my happiness, Manuel, is I have the heart of a twelve year old child. I keep it in a jar over here. Would you like to see it?
Manuel Calavera: NO.
Membrillo: Sorry. Old coroner joke.
[Performing one of her poems]
Olivia Ofrenda: With boney hands I hold my partner
Olivia Ofrenda: On soulless feet we cross the floor
Olivia Ofrenda: The music stops as if to answer
Olivia Ofrenda: An empty knocking at the door
Olivia Ofrenda: It seems his skin was sweet as mango
Olivia Ofrenda: When last I held him to my breast
Olivia Ofrenda: But now we dance this grim fandango
Olivia Ofrenda: And will four years before we rest.
Manuel Calavera: Did you kill much when you were alive?
Mercedes Colomar: Very little.
Manuel Calavera: Never killed anybody.
Mercedes Colomar: I have to confess... I never killed anybody.
Manuel Calavera: Not even a teensy bit of killing?
Mercedes Colomar: MAYBE I JUST WASN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
Membrillo: [describing his work at the morgue] All day long, Manny, I sort through pure sadness. I find evidence, and I piece together stories. But none of my stories end well - they all end here. And the moral of every story is the same: we may have years, we may have hours, but sooner of later, we push up flowers.
Manuel Calavera: You can't hide from the Grim Reaper. Especially when he's got a gun.
Manuel Calavera: Much as I would like to, I just can't bring myself to jump into the giant pit of uncleaned kitty litter.
Manuel Calavera: This deck of cards is a little frayed around the edges, but then again so am I and I've got fewer suits...
Manuel Calavera: I think we should team up - be partners.
Domino Hurley: Oh, I would, but I could never be partners with someone who was so much more of a man than me.
Manuel Calavera: Oh, come on... I've seen your wife.
Manuel Calavera: That Dockmaster Velasco is one salty old bag of rope.
Velasco: You should see his wife.
Manuel Calavera: I'm the Grim Reaper, Lardass, and you're my next customer.
Manuel Calavera: [referring to balloon squeaking] I have to go. That sound makes me want to kill somebody.
Clown: You too?
Manuel Calavera: Why do you get all the good clients?
Domino Hurley: You're asking the wrong guy. You should be taking a good long look at the man in the mirror.
Manuel Calavera: No thanks. I don't enjoy that the same way you do.
[the beatnik waiter is putting dirty hookah water into the coffin shooter drinks]
Blue Casket's Waiter: Just a dab will drop ya.
[Sees Manny watching]
Blue Casket's Waiter: Hey, man. You didn't see me put the secret ingredient in these coffin shooters, did ya?
Manuel Calavera: Relax. Olivia stole the recipe from me in the first place.
Blue Casket's Waiter: Yeahhhh... she steals from the rich, and gives to me to pour.
Manuel Calavera: My boss is always giving me these motivational sales books - "They Bought the Farm, Now Sell Them the Cows"... stuff like that.
[Looking at the door to his office]
Manuel Calavera: Wasn't too long ago the name on that door was "Supply Closet."
Manuel Calavera: Glottis... Glottis... is that a German name?
Glottis: Oh, no. My roots lie not in any Earthly nation's soil. I am an elemental spirit summoned up from the Land of the Dead itself and given one purpose, one skill, one desire... TO DRIVE. Or, to change oil or adjust timing belts if no driving jobs are open.
Salvador: We need carrier pigeons so the word of the revolution can spread across the land brought on the gossamer wings of freedom.
Manuel Calavera: I myself would also like to spread across the land...
Manuel Calavera: I just locked an open door... strange, yet symbolically compelling.
Glottis: Is there an engine that can resist the love in these hands?
Manuel Calavera: As a rule, I never touch anything more sophisticated and delicate than myself.
Glottis: Manny, until now we scraped along the ground like rats, but from now on, we soar. Like eagles. Yeah. LIKE EAGLES... ON... POGO STICKS.
[Glottis soups up a DOD car]
Manuel Calavera: Glottis. Are you loco? What got into you? That was a company car.
Glottis: Oh yeah. And it's even better company now. Hop in.
Manuel Calavera: Buenos días.
Mercedes Colomar: You're not the nurse.
Manuel Calavera: No.
Mercedes Colomar: You're not here to give me my medication?
Manuel Calavera: No, but I am here to ease your pain.
Mercedes Colomar: Guess they couldn't save me, eh?
Manuel Calavera: No, but there's still a chance you could save me.
[Glottis adds hydraulics to the Bone Wagon]
Manuel Calavera: What a relief. I was getting concerned that our transportation wasn't ostentatious enough.
Manuel Calavera: Bound only by the paper-thin wrapper of mortality, a soul here lies, struggling to be free. And so it shall, thanks to a bowl of bad gazpacho, and a man named... Calavera.
Manuel Calavera: [referring to making balloon animals] Can you teach me to do that?
Clown: Well, uh, since you're a beginner, why don't you practice the first step?
Manuel Calavera: Which is?
[Manny looks at a hamburger and fries on a table in a Land of the Living restaurant]
Manuel Calavera: I can't reap hamburger - cows are a whole other bureau, not to mention the lettuce.
[Manny sees Domino working out on a punching bag]
Manuel Calavera: Well, at least you're not hitting the BOTTLE anymore.
Manuel Calavera: I want to ask you a question.
Domino Hurley: Shoot, slugger.
Manuel Calavera: Is it hard to kiss up to the boss so much with no lips?
Domino Hurley: Hey, I got all the lip I need. I get it from you.
[Manny sees a bottle of Scotch in Domino's office]
Manuel Calavera: He doesn't even HIDE his booze in a file cabinet. What kind of salesman is he?
[Manny scares away all the pigeons from the roof]
Manuel Calavera: [jubilant] YEAH. Beat it, you lousy little ledge-peckers.
Manuel Calavera: It's an ugly pile of bones... like me.
Manuel Calavera: I'll help you find your wife. What did she look like?
Celso: Oh, here - I got this from the D.O.D., and made copies to hand out. Isn't she something?
[Celso gives Manny a photo of his wife]
Manuel Calavera: She must have been beautiful with skin.
Celso: [wistfully] Weren't we all?
Manuel Calavera: So what did you think of my poem?
Slisko: I liked it. It was sad and beautiful, like my mother.
Alexi: I despised it. It was too short and said nothing to me, like my father.
Gunnar: I had no feelings about it. It was aloof and licked itself too much, like my cat, Mr. Trotsky.
Olivia Ofrenda: Why are you leaving town?
Manuel Calavera: I'm chasing a woman I met once and can't forget.
Olivia Ofrenda: Well, I have a poem I wrote just for you. Pay attention because it's pretty short. Here it goes: Ch-ch-ch-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-mp.
Manuel Calavera: These lockers have a note on them: "Employees: I don't care who's doing it, but please stop using the contained-detonation chamber to crack open walnuts. Thank you."
[Manny opens a giant can of cat food near a giant kitty little sandbox]
Manuel Calavera: Great. Now it smells like a giant cat litter box AND some sort of gelatinous demon mystery-meat product in here.
[On a giant can of cat food for giant racing cats]
Manuel Calavera: Wet food's for winners.
[Glottis has been kicked out of the V.I.P. Gambling Club]
Glottis: You gotta let me back in. I'm a V.I.P...
Manuel Calavera: Does that stand for Very Inebriated Pianist?
[Manny and Glottis are stranded at the bottom of the ocean]
Glottis: [loud and ominous] BEWARE, brave Captain. Here in the darkest depths of the Sea of Lament dwell the most horrible monsters of all, the fearsome murky demons of the deep will swallow you whole the instant you leave this pool of light. Heed my warning, or take one step forward and learn for yourself...
Manuel Calavera: All right, all right, I believe you. Just quit it with the creepy spirit-of-the-land voice, huh?
Manuel Calavera: Dom's just the kind of guy to practice Oxford-regulation boxing and then pull out a blade when it comes down to a fight.
[Domino and Manny are dueling with scythes]
Domino Hurley: Ooh. This doesn't look good for the kid.
Manuel Calavera: I'm not working for you anymore, Domino.
Domino Hurley: Oh, don't worry about that - you're fired. Just consider this your "severance."
[Domino and Manny are dueling with scythes]
Domino Hurley: [mocking] Just like with your selling, Manny. You've got a weak attack and no follow-through.
Manuel Calavera: [deep voice] It's the mug rack at the End of the World.
Manuel Calavera: Well, it's good to know they recycle oil out here at The End of the World.
[Manny opens a coffin at The End of the World, revealing Bruno Martinez inside, having been locked in the coffin for four years]
Manuel Calavera: [surprised] Bruno Martinez?
Bruno Martinez: [upset] *You*. You were the guy who packed me in there. You could have at *least* given me a magazine. Four years with nothing to read but this damn mug.
[Bruno throws a mug at Manny with the inscription: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."]
Bruno Martinez: What are you doing here? And if you were headed this way, why didn't you offer me a *lift*? Ah, phooey. I'm getting out of here - this world is for *suckers*.
[Meche, Manny and Glottis have recovered the Double-N tickets]
Meche Colomar: You can count 'em if you want. They're all here.
Gate Keeper: [to Manny] How about yours?
Manuel Calavera: The company gave me one on the other end; sort of a retirement present. And, uh... demons ride free, right?
Glottis: Aw, Manny. You know I can't go with ya. I'm a Spirit of the Land and all that. I can't ever leave this world.
Manuel Calavera: [sadly] I guess I got so wrapped up in saving people, I just assumed I'd be able to save you, too.
Glottis: [brightly] Yeah, but I don't *need* to be saved. I like it here. I'm not all alone in that basement anymore, thanks to *you*. I got a new job, and all these new friends. I'm a big demon success story.
[On the tiny gremlins at the gondola]
Manuel Calavera: I think that's what Glottis would look like if he hadn't drink his milk growing up.
Manuel Calavera: [annoyed] GONDOLAS? I KNEW we should have checked this side of the mountain before we walked up.
[Manny is at the gondola ride at The End of the World]
Manuel Calavera: There's a note next to this toaster: "To avoid further mishaps, PLEASE butter your English muffins AFTER you toast them. - Facilities."
[a train goes literally to Hell]
Manuel Calavera: What happened to that train?
Gate Keeper: Your destiny... cannot be purchased.
[Mayan gremlin mechanics launch the coffin rocket with Glottis atop it]
1st Mayan Mechanic: [praying] We shoot you now like an arrow into the wind. May you piece the heart of the wind itself and drink the blood of flight.
2nd Mayan Mechanic: [praying] Speed is the food of the Great Glottis.
3rd Mayan Mechanic: [praying] Speed bring you life.
Gate Keeper: The gate opens, the gate closes. It does not help.
[Manny offers an oily rag to a dying Glottis]
Manuel Calavera: Here, carnal, get a whiff of this.
[Glottis sniffs at the oily rag]
Glottis: [weakly] Ooh, that's nice. Make sure... to lay some of those on my grave, will ya Manny?
[Manny tries to induce Glottis into vomiting]
Manuel Calavera: So, what IS that stuff they pack canned hams in, anyway?
[Glottis gets nauseous and vomits profusely]
Manuel Calavera: Good show, my friend.
Glottis: [sheepish] You wouldn't happen to have a breath mint on you, I suppose?
[Manny looks at the domino booby trap trapped in a frozen gel]
Manuel Calavera: A parade of bones, trapped in a suspended state... Kind of a metaphor for all of us if you really think -...
Glottis: [panicked] JUST DEFUSE THE BOMB, MANNY.
[Manny looks at the booby trapped Bone Wagon]
Manuel Calavera: Soon to be known as "the Blown Wagon."
Glottis: [panicked] HEY. THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
[Manny watches a sleeping Toto]
Manuel Calavera: No, I don't want to disturb his grumpy little dreams.
Olivia Ofrenda: I'd better come with you. Just give me a minute to get ready.
Manuel Calavera: Okay, but if you hear a loud explosion anytime soon, the trip's off.
[Manny looks at the moon and recites a poem]
Manuel Calavera: It shone, pale as bone / As I stood there alone / And I thought to myself how the moon, / That night, cast its light / On my heart's true delight, / And the reef where her body was strewn.
Eva: Volunteers quickly for dangerous work - she could be very useful to the cause.
Manuel Calavera: [proud] As far as I'm concerned, she IS the cause.
[Manny tries to touch a pigeon]
Manuel Calavera: Come here, little Manny.
[the pigeon bites his finger]
Manuel Calavera: Ow. Must be little Meche.
[Eva is with the Lost Souls Alliance]
Manuel Calavera: Any messages for me?
Eva: No, calls stopped coming for you the day you left. They're STILL sending you that lingerie catalog, though.
Manuel Calavera: Aw, they look just like little Johnny Thunders.
1st Thunder Boy: Who are you calling little?
[Manny looks down at the costumed Thunder Boys from a scaffolding]
Manuel Calavera: Wow, from up here, everybody looks like ants. MY aunts in particular - they wore SO much makeup.
[the Unicycle Man is actually an LSA agent]
Manuel Calavera: What exactly are you doing with these slot machines?
Unicycle Man: I stick myself inside, like a finger down the throat of Hector LeMans himself, and I make the machine regurgitate the wealth it has devoured.
Manuel Calavera: Ewww.
[Manny gets a new suit]
Manuel Calavera: A little tight in the shoulders, but at least it doesn't reek of sled dog.
[Manny is at Bowlsley the Florist's shop]
Manuel Calavera: It's amazing how a little touch of human remains can brighten up a place.
Manuel Calavera: I bet Hector pauses here every day, and thinks to himself, "Boy, I wish I could see past my gut and enjoy my expensive monogrammed floor."
[Manny looks at the door entering Hector LaMans' office]
Manuel Calavera: [quoting] "Through this dark portal, an innocent man shall pass and arrive on the other side, innocent still, but colder of heart."
Manuel Calavera: You know, you have a really bad taste in men.
Olivia Ofrenda: No, I have a taste for really bad men. There's a difference.
Hector LeMans: I guess Domino was right - you don't have a shred of optimism.
Manuel Calavera: Well, when it comes to shreds, Dom is the expert.
Hector LeMans: And by that logic, you are about to become an expert in botany.
[Manny looks at the head of Salvador]
Manuel Calavera: [musing] He TRULY gave his body to the cause.
[Manny reads a note from Glottis]
Manuel Calavera: It says "I'm at the junkyard. Wooooooo."
[Manny discovers Eva, his boss' secretary, works for the revolution]
Manuel Calavera: Any messages for me?
Eva: Yes. Join or die.
Manuel Calavera: But...
Salvador Limones: Good luck, agent Calavera. Viva la Revolución.
Manuel Calavera: My computer gives me instant access to our database of deadbeats.
Manuel Calavera: [ad-libbing on open jazz mike] Can you hear the sound of us not talking?
Manuel Calavera: I like to save bones for special occasions
Manuel Calavera: It's my ex-boss' ex-secretary, Eva.
Eva: You're never going to let me forget that secretary thing, are you?
Manuel Calavera: [When trying tp pick up the moon] Don't have that kind of equipment.
Manuel Calavera: [When trying to go to the Land of The Living] People have tried, but they never came back.
Manuel Calavera: [When trying to pick up Eva's hole punch] Could I take your hole punch?
Eva: Ha! I doubt you could take my HALF punch.
Manuel Calavera: [When trying to use Eva's hole punch] Mind if I use your hole punch?
Eva: Knock yourself out.
Manuel Calavera: [after using the hole punch twice] Thanks.
Eva: Gets the aggressions out, doesn't it?
Manuel Calavera: [Taking pigeon eggs from a rooftop] You must come with me, young ones; for I am the Grim Reaper.
Manuel Calavera: It's hard to really panic while you're wearing that little sailor suit.
Glottis: [Terrified] NO IT'S NOT!
[Performing one of her poems]
Olivia Ofrenda: I called my cat Boney / 'Til she said it wouldn't do / I said, Why? / She said, Sister, 'cuz that's what I'VE been calling YOU!
[Performing one of her poems]
Olivia Ofrenda: I called my cat Boney.
Olivia Ofrenda: 'Til she said it wouldn't do.
Olivia Ofrenda: I said, Why?
Olivia Ofrenda: She said, Sister...
Olivia Ofrenda: 'Cuz that's what I'VE been calling YOU!
Manuel Calavera: One ticket for you, one for Hector, how many more do you need?
Domino Hurley: Oh, Manny, we never touch the product ourselves!
Domino Hurley: We sell the tickets to unfortunate souls...
Domino Hurley: ...unable to lead moral lives because of the crippling amount of cash they were born into.
Manuel Calavera: Give me some booty and I'll buy our way out of here.
Chepito: I traded it all for this beauty!
Manuel Calavera: You traded jewelry and precious coins for a power tool?
Chepito: IT'S A BUST-ALL!