Cecil B. DeMented (2000)
Fidget: No! I want to go home! I don't want to be in show business anymore!
Cecil: I knew you were the weak one, Fidget. Just remember, your parents liked Godzilla.
Lyle: They wouldn't even let you see R-rated films as a child.
Dinah: They've never even been to a midnight movie.
Chardonnay: They enjoy classic TV sitcoms turned into feature length films.
Cherish: They've never rented a porno movie.
Cecil: And to top it all off, they talk out loud in the theatre once the feature has begun.
Honey: Oh, that really is unforgivable, Fidget.
Fidget: Okay, okay! My parents are the enemies of film!
Honey: How can you be a drug addict in the new millennium? It's so retro.
Lyle: Before I was a drug addict, I had so many different problems. Now I just have one - drugs! Gave my life a real focus.
[takes a big sip from a chalice]
Raven: It's goat's urine. Want some?
Honey: No! Please let me go! I promise I won't tell anyone about your little movie!
Honey: I didn't mean, you know, *little*. I meant, you know, low-budget... ly cult.
Raven: Pain is pleasure! Slavery is freedom! Suicide for Satan!
Cecil: No one gets laid until we've finished our movie. We're horny, but our film comes first!
[Raven introduces herself to Honey]
Raven: Hi, I'm Raven, I'm a Satanist and I'll be doing your make-up.
Raven: You look so pale...
[angrily slaps Honey, then turns sweet again]
Raven: Sorry, but Satan says you need more color.
Cherish: Porno Fans! It's me, Cherish! And I need your hardcore help!
Honey: Raven, you know, you're a really pretty girl. You could escape from all of this madness.
Raven: Escape to what, Honey? I mean, my father is Zo-Zo, the three headed guard dog at the gate to hell.
Honey: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Cecil: There are no rules in underground cinema, only edges.
Honey: Cherish, this is America, you know. It's a free country. People can make bad movies if they so desire.
Cecil: Not anymore they don't!
Cherish: You think just cause you've made "real" movies you're better than me, don't you?
Honey: Oh, please.
Cherish: Do you know why I became a porno star?
[everyone in van groans]
Cecil: Cherish has recovered memory.
Cherish: When I was ten years old, my entire family fucked me under the Christmas tree.
Honey: I'm so sorry.
Cherish: Yeah, I bet you are... "jingle balls, jingle balls" my stupid brother started singing.
Cherish: You think that's funny?
Honey: [still laughing] No, I don't.
Cecil: That's all behind you now, Cherish. We're here, and we're makin' movies.
Fidget: Hey, hey MPAA, how many movies have you censored today?
Cecil: I am Cecil B. Demented! And this is a fucking kidnapping!
Candy counter girl: Do you know Quentin Tarantino? I love his movies!
Cecil: No adlibbing!
Dinah: Hey! We're not union! And we're takin' over this movie!
Cecil: I'm Cecil B. Demented, and you're in my movie. Do not look into the lens and ruin the shot or you will be shot.
[filming a scene for "Raving Beauty"]
Honey: It's that fucking new multiplex that opened in the mall, isn't it?
Cherish: I heard they were sold out last night, mom.
Lyle: No, not for the Flinstones sequel...!
Cecil: [the camera operator has just been shot] Principal photography has been completed!
Cecil: Continue eating the oysters or you will be shot and killed!