Cherish:
All my directors fuck me.
Cecil:
I am not all your directors! I am Cecil B. Demented!
Sniffles:
Nobody here but us whackers.
Honey:
How can you be a drug addict in the new millennium, Lyle? Drugs are so retro.
Lyle:
Before I became a drug addict, I had so many problems. Now I just have one - Drugs! It's given my life real focus.
Cecil:
I have a vision!
Fidget:
Hey, hey MPAA, how many movies have you censored today?
[
takes a big sip from a chalice]
Raven:
It's goat's urine. Want some?
Cecil:
Power to the people who punish bad cinema!
Cecil:
Demented forever!
Cecil:
Death to mainstream cinema!
Petie:
Tell me about Mel Gibson's dick and balls!
Cecil:
Action Fans! Help us!
Cecil:
I am Cecil B. Demented! And this is a fucking kidnapping!
Rodney:
I'm ashamed of my heterosexuality!
Honey:
No! Please let me go! I promise I won't tell anyone about your little movie!
Cecil:
Little?
Honey:
I didn't mean, you know, *little*. I meant, you know, low-budget... ly cult.
Raven:
Pain is pleasure! Slavery is freedom! Suicide for Satan!
Cecil:
Celibacy for celluloid!
Candy counter girl:
Do you know Quentin Tarantino? I love his movies!
Cecil:
No adlibbing!
[
fires gun]
Dinah:
Hey! We're not union! And we're takin' over this movie!
Cecil:
I'm Cecil B. Demented, and you're in my movie. Do not look into the lens and ruin the shot or you will be shot.
[
filming a scene for "Raving Beauty"]
Honey:
It's that fucking new multiplex that opened in the mall, isn't it?
Cherish:
I heard they were sold out last night, mom.
Lyle:
No, not for the Flinstones sequel...!
Cecil:
No one gets laid until we've finished our movie. We're horny, but our film comes first!
[
Raven introduces herself to Honey]
Raven:
Hi, I'm Raven, I'm a Satanist and I'll be doing your make-up.
[
changes tone]
Raven:
You look so pale...
[
angrily slaps Honey, then turns sweet again]
Raven:
Sorry, but Satan says you need more color.
Cherish:
Porno Fans! It's me, Cherish! And I need your hardcore help!
Cecil:
I'm a prophet against profit!
Honey:
Raven, you know, you're a really pretty girl. You could escape from all of this madness.
Raven:
Escape to what, Honey? I mean, my father is Zo-Zo, the three headed guard dog at the gate to hell.
Honey:
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Honey:
I am ready for my close-up, Mr. Demented.
Cecil:
Technique is nothing more than failed style.
Cecil:
[
the camera operator has just been shot] Principal photography has been completed!
Honey:
Family is just a dirty word for censorship.
Cherish:
We can fuck now?
Cecil:
From here to Timbuktu!
Cecil:
There are no rules in underground cinema, only edges.
Fidget:
No! I want to go home! I don't want to be in show business anymore!
Cecil:
I knew you were the weak one, Fidget. Just remember, your parents liked Godzilla.
Lyle:
They wouldn't even let you see R-rated films as a child.
Dinah:
They've never even been to a midnight movie.
Chardonnay:
They enjoy classic TV sitcoms turned into feature length films.
Cherish:
They've never rented a porno movie.
Cecil:
And to top it all off, they talk out loud in the theatre once the feature has begun.
Honey:
Oh, that really is unforgivable, Fidget.
Fidget:
Okay, okay! My parents are the enemies of film!
Honey:
Cherish, this is America, you know. It's a free country. People can make bad movies if they so desire.
Cecil:
Not anymore they don't!
Cherish:
You think just cause you've made "real" movies you're better than me, don't you?
Honey:
Oh, please.
Cherish:
Do you know why I became a porno star?
[
everyone in van groans]
Cecil:
Cherish has recovered memory.
Cherish:
When I was ten years old, my entire family fucked me under the Christmas tree.
Honey:
I'm so sorry.
Cherish:
Yeah, I bet you are... "jingle balls, jingle balls" my stupid brother started singing.
Honey:
[
laughs]
Cherish:
You think that's funny?
Honey:
[
still laughing] No, I don't.
Cecil:
That's all behind you now, Cherish. We're here, and we're makin' movies.
Related Links
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