Nurse Betty (2000)
Betty Sizemore: He also works at Loma Vista.
Chief Nurse Iris Foster: What is that?
Betty Sizemore: It's the real pretty area, with the palm trees out front and the mountains in the background.
Chief Nurse Iris Foster: You have just described all of southern California.
Betty Sizemore: My friend says if you were any more handsome it would be a crime. It's a shame you're such an asshole.
Charlie: People who get the calls are good. Not flashy, good. They get in, they get out, nobody knows a goddamn thing. You understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head, you know they're dead.
Wesley: You know, that's kind of catchy.
Charlie: Yeah? Well I'll make you a fucking bumper sticker.
Charlie: How'd they describe her?
Wesley: You know, blonde, thin, whatever.
Charlie: Slow down: blonde, thin, yeah. Did they say anything about style? Did they mention grace?
[about to perform a medical procedure on a gunshot victim]
Betty: No, I have to do this or he'll die. It's OK, I've seen it done once.
Betty Sizemore: Gosh! I haven't been this happy since I was 12.
George McCord: Okay, I'll bite. What happened when you were 12?
Betty Sizemore: I took my mom to Kansas City for Mothers' Day and I used the allowance I was saving. We went to lunch at Skies, this restaurant at the top of a building, and you can see the whole world from up there. It was our last special thing 'cause she died that year. It was a great day.
George McCord: You just gave me goose bumps from that. You know that? That is just great improv!
Betty: [gesturing at Wesley's meat sandwich] You sure you don't want a salad?
Wesley: You sure you want a tip when I'm done?
Del: You know these actors are mainly models, which are mainly faggots. And the rest are assholes... Know what bugs me the most about those soaps. It's people with no lives, watching other people's fake lives.
Sherrif Eldon Ballard: Hey! I'm the law, I ain't gotta do nothing.
Charlie: I'm asking for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck.
Wesley: Did you have a good time? Did you make a wish? Get in touch with your blackness? Found your Betty... well, at least where she has been hanging out.
Charlie: Where? Where is she?
Wesley: Not telling you.
Wesley: Not telling you till you straighten up. Danced around like fucking bo-jangles out there, what the fuck? This has got to stop, and I mean it!
Ellen: So, where are you headed, Betty?
Betty Sizemore: Los Angeles, California!
Betty Sizemore: And you called your friend and she's telling you not to go?
[Betty nods, regretfully]
Ellen: When I went to Europe, my friends told me I was crazy.
Betty Sizemore: Europe? *The* Europe? God, this is my first time out of Kansas!
Ellen: I should call you Dorothy.
[they both laugh]
[Charlie is criticizing Wesley for scalping Betty's husband]
Wesley: Why the fuck did you mention all them Indians for?
Charlie: Jesus Christ, Wesley! If I had mentioned Ty Cobb, would you have beat him to death with a baseball bat?
Betty: [sarcastic] Nothing like watching the tenpins fall.
Del: Hey, that's a skill. They're trying to get that in the Olympic games.
Wesley: I saw your TV movie. It sucked! Hasselhoff blew you off the screen!
Wesley: I'll shoot that bitch like she scratched my car.
Wesley: This stuff's nuttier than my shit after I've eaten an Almond Roca!
[as Dave/George is leaving after talking with Charlie]
Wesley: Actually, there is one more thing. I kinda thought you'd be able to let me have a little talk with Jasmine.
George McCord: Well you thought wrong.
Wesley: [Grabs his arm] Hey man! It's just an autograph, it's not for me.
George McCord: Oh, it never is.
[Wesley slaps him]
Wesley: You need to learn some fucking manners!