Road to Revenge (1993)

Directors:

John De Hart
James Paradise

Writer:

John De Hart (writer)

Genre:

Action | Drama

Tagline:

Will justice win out over evil?

Plot Keywords:

Z Grade | Independent Film

Cast

  (Credited cast)

John De Hart	...	Rick Bode
Wings Hauser	...	Huck Finney
William Smith	...	Normad
Pamela Jean Bryant	...	Cindy
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Bill Ballis	...	Hoodlum
Robert Berger	...	John Drew
Lisa Boyle	...	Alex (as Cassandrea Leigh)
Chrisann Di Donato	...	Girl in bar
Laurie Doe	...	Cherry
Michael Gaglio	...	Bar patron
Aron Golob	...	Security guard
David Grummett	...	Inmate
Steve Halcum	...	Snake
Michael Halford	...	Minister
Melges Hayes	...	Cop #3
Adrienne Herrera	...	Tamara
Craig Higgins	...	Moe
Mark A. Hoadley	...	Cop #2
Benjamin Lopez	...	Bennie
Tim Mannix	...	Bar cop
Richard McCracken	...	Bill
Leonardo Millán	...	Espinoza
David Molinaro	...	Bartender
Michael Robert Nyman	...	Hawk (as Michael Nyman)
Ed Revelo	...	Bailiff
Steve Rider	...	Cop #1
Stefan Rudnicki	...	Judge in hearing room
Al Sapienza	...	Ramirez
Spencer J. Smith	...	Courtroom cop
John Stevens	...	Desk cop
Chris St. James	...	Rat
Sylvia Summers	...	Bill's wife
Allison Tune-Fleming	...	Rape victim
Jodi Verdu	...	Lorrie
Rebecca Warren	...	Nun
Jimmy Williams	...	Scar
Twila Wolfe	...	Claudia
Elaine Young	...	Lainie
Rob Young	...	Drunk bar patron

Also Known As:

Champagne and Bullets (USA) (working title)

Runtime:

90 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Stereo

Company:

Monarch Productions (III)

wow. I mean, wow.

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is one of those things you're not supposed to see, like a snuff film or that moment in the bathroom at the party when you quickly shut the door and try to forget who you witnessed doing what. I was fortunate enough to be shown this buried treasure by a friend, who had borrowed a copy under the strict injunction not to reveal his source. There is good reason for this kind of secrecy, as it's maybe the worst movie I've ever seen, and I say this: I who was in "Gargoyle's Revenge" AND "Backstage Pass." So I sort of know what I'm talking about.

There is not a single element of this production that stands up to even passing scrutiny - the found and barely decorated locations, the trite and derivative story, the hideous costumes, the sometimes hysterical dialog, all are utterly unconvincing. But any and all of those component elements pale beside the central performance of John De Hart.

This film is basically a vanity piece for Mr De Hart, a sometime lawyer who wanted to be a movie star. So he wrote, if you can call it that, and directed, and I wouldn't call it that, this turkey, starring, of course, himself. Whatever vanity he may have thought would be stoked must have turned to horror once he saw the result - unless he's as delusional about his film presence as he was about his directing hand. His credits apparently include a stage production of "Hamlet", in which (in defiance of all credulity) he played the melancholy Dane. If anybody knows of a revival, I'd give a lot to catch a matinée. Really. Let me know. I also own a copy of "Plan 9 from Outer Space."

The high point of this film is when De Hart gets onstage in a honky-tonk that looks suspiciously like a small rec room in somebody's Kagel Canyon bungalow, and not terribly different from one of the porn sets at the Cabana Motel on Sepulveda Boulevard. Not only does de hart of the picture play a tough guy, a lover, and a clever detective (all with the same facial expression, something like panic crossed with egotism), he takes canny advantage of the early-90s preoccupation with bubble gum country music. Yes, he puts on a cowboy hat and sings a really bad song, a song Miley Cyrus's dad would have rejected, a song that we are lucky enough to see all the way through, with only a few cutaways of Wings Hauser trying not to barf. As if to cement his stature as the most wooden star since Kaw-Liga the cigar store Indian, De Hart sings the whole song standing in one spot with his hands at waist level, ready to catch the panties of an appreciative public. His singing, it may be mentioned, is every bit as strong as his acting; the two skills are further related by sharing the same single note, which by the second refrain is stretched pretty thin.

There are many lessons to be learned here: let somebody else direct your first movie; if nobody will finance your script, maybe you shouldn't put up your own money; if nobody will cast you, perhaps there's a reason. But the saddest lesson is that talent and ambition may not prevent the black mark of something like this on your resume. Wings Hauser is a very good actor; he's excellent in the string of drive-in shoot-em-ups he made in the 80s, and even after he was forced to make straight-to-video potboilers for ten years, he gave a marvelous single-scene cameo in "The Insider." Yet he's in this. And he sucks in it. Granted, he sucks immensely less than some of the other parts. But Laurence Olivier would have sucked in this thing, because the gravity of the picture hauls light from billions of miles away into the black hole that is "Road to Revenge."

Also classing up the joint: Conan's dad, real-life war hero and tough guy intellectual William Smith, whose steady film career of being beaten up by Clint Eastwood and James Garner was thankfully not ended by this appearance as a drug dealing Satanist-cum-Superior Court judge; and Pamela Jean Bryant, only a scant 15 years after her heyday as Miss April.

But the really, really good news is that the wait is over: millions of grateful fans will be glad to hear that this film is now available on DVD, retitled as GET EVEN. On the GETEVENTHEMOVIE website you can watch De Hart sing "Shimmy Slide" in its full 3 minute glory. Just so you won't think I was kidding.