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Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001) Poster

Quotes

[Gauri is walking away in tears, Bhuvan shouts after her]

Bhuvan: Hey Gauri! There's only one house in the village with a neem tree in the yard. There's also a big field beside it. There's some chickens, two cows, and three goats. And I know whose house that is! It's mine, you silly girl! One thing before you go. Mother likes you, too!

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Gauri: You think I don't see which way the Ganges is flowing?

Bhuvan: Oh, pity me, I feel the pain of the scorpion's sting. You're jealous!

Gauri: [gasps] Why should I be jealous? Jealousy is beneath me.

Bhuvan: You're jealous, and I know who you're jealous of.

Gauri: I never want to see you again, and don't even try and talk to me.

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Yashodamai: [to Bhuvan] You talk like your father. He was just as spirited; always spoke the truth.

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[watching British play Cricket so they can learn, and they see the Umpire stick his finger up]

Tipu: Why is he pointing up?

Bhuvan: That's what I'M trying to understand.

Guran: Maybe he's calling for his Ma. She's sitting up there, eh?

[Laughing]

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Lakha: See how badly hurt I am?

Gauri: Hurt? It's my father you need. Not me. Father? Lakha has cut his hand.

Ishwar: He seems to cut his hand more than he cuts wood.

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[Guran is coming in to bat]

British Team Member: Coming from the jungle?

[men laughing]

British Team Member 2: Make way!

[men laughing]

British Team Member: Don't get too close, Smithy!

[men laughing]

British Team Member 2: What on Earth is he doing?

Capt. Russell: This way, sir.

[men laughing]

Col. Boyer: What an extrodinary stance! It looks as if he's riding a horse!

[Guran hits a six by hitting the ball twice]

Col. Boyer: Well struck, sir!

Capt. Russell: Umpire, he can't do that. It's not cricket.

Bhuvan: Guran, hit the ball only once.

Guran: Okay.

Guran: [hits the ball DOWNWARDS while doing some leg movement] Hail Hanuman, the Mighty Ape!

Rajah Puran Singh: THAT'S called Kicking The Horse!

[men laughing]

Col. Boyer: Indeed!

[men laughing]

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Goli: Will our dream ever come true? No, Bhuvan. It hurts too much to dream like that.

Bhuvan: Have faith, Goli. He who has truth and courage in his heart shall win in the end.

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Col. Boyer: At ease, Captain. You know Major Cotton. That is Major Warren. Take a seat. Now, what is this we hear? That you have agreed to cancel the tax of the farmers in Champaner if they beat you in a game of cricket? Is this true?

Capt. Russell: Yes, Colonel Boyer, sir, it is.

Col. Boyer: What on earth do you think you're here for? To play games?

Maj. Warren: Let me remind you that you are working here for Her Majesty, the Queen. Your job is to ensure the smooth running of your province.

Capt. Russell: Pardon me, sir, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

Maj. Cotton: I think we'll be the judge of that, Russell! We also understand that if you lose this so-called match, you will cancel their taxes for the next three years.

Maj. Warren: Not just Champaner but the entire province.

Capt. Russell: But they won't win.

Maj. Warren: You're missing the whole bloody point! Do you realize, Captain Russell, that we could have on our hands a bloody situation where there'll be cricket matches happening all over the damn sub-continent in order to cancel the bloody tax?

Capt. Russell: There is one thing you don't know. If they lose, which they will, they will have to pay the Queen three times the tax.

Maj. Cotton: This is ridiculous! This OFFICER wants to make the government a bookie through which he can place his wagers! What'll you have us do next? Race horses?

Col. Boyer: This is the most preposterous idea I have ever heard of! Now jolly well understand this: if you win, you will have had a narrow escape. But if you lose, YOU will pay the taxes for Champaner and the entire province OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET! And then you'll be packed off to Central Africa! Is that clear?

Capt. Russell: Yes, Sir!

Col. Boyer: That'll be all. You may go.

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Gauri: I have faith in you and in your courage.

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Ramprasad: [choosing other team members] How about Kashi Nath?

Bhura: Kashi Nath? If he runs, he'll split: Kashi one side, Nath the other!

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Burton: [smugly hits Yardley's ball for 4] How was that?

Yardley: [bowls a fast ball, knocking Burton back onto his own wicket, sarcastically] How was *that*?

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Bhuvan: Whether you support me or not, Kachra will play.

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Maj. Warren: Gentleman, he's on a hat trick!

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Maj. Cotton: That must be the first 50 in the history of village cricket.

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Ishwar: Bhuvan, shame cannot enter eyes that are already open.

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Arjan: Bhura, these chickens of yours are a real pain.

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Gauri: Guran read my fortune today.

Bhuvan: Really? What's the misfortune then?

Gauri: So cruel? I won't tell you.

Bhuvan: Oh come on.

Gauri: He said I'll put henna on my hands this year - I mean get married.

Bhuvan: That's great! Who's the lucky boy?

Gauri: How would I know? But Guran did say that the house I marry into will have a neem tree in the yard. It will also have a big field beside it, some chickens, two cows, and three goats. What about you?

Bhuvan: I'd have to marry someone my mother likes.

Gauri: Someone your mother likes?

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[the other villagers are refusing to let an untouchable join the team]

Bhuvan: Let me remind you all of one thing: this is not a game we are playing for fun and entertainment - this is a fight we must win.

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[the other villagers are refusing to let Kachra, an untouchable, join the team]

Bhuvan: Whether you support me or not, Kachra will play.

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Capt. Russell: [arguing with Elizabeth] Despite my warnings, you continue to meet those bloody farmers, damn you!

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[Russell comes back from his meeting with the senior soldiers, where they got mad about the tax cancellation, a soldier salutes and walks by... ]

Capt. Russell: Is that the way a soldier behaves? You're SUPPOSED TO SALUTE when a superior officer passes!

British Soldier: I did, Sir.

Capt. Russell: I didn't see it!

British Soldier: [Salutes]

Capt. Russell: That's better.

Lt. Smith: I imagine your meeting didn't go quite as expected, sir?

Capt. Russell: Damn right it didn't! The senile old hats want to teach me how to run the show. They've lost their sense of adventure with age!

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Bhuvan: Where's Gauri?

Jigni: She's gone.

Bhuvan: Where? Why are you glaring at me like that?

[Jigni walks off]

Bhuvan: What the hell have I done now?

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Bhuvan: [singing] Listen, O, my friend... what's this fear you have? This earth is ours and so is the sky...

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Rajah Puran Singh: Crush Captain Russell's impudence.

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Umpire: No ball!

Capt. Russell: [as he and Yardley, slightly incredulous, go over to the umpire] What?

Umpire: No ball!

Yardley: You're kidding me...

Capt. Russell: "No ball"? What do you mean, "no ball"?

Umpire: His foot was over the line.

Capt. Russell: [Turning to Yardley] Yardley?

Yardley: Are you quite certain, umpire?

Umpire: I am not discussing it any further, sir. I suggest we get on with the game.

Capt. Russell: Very well...

Capt. Russell: [Returning to his teammates] Gentlemen, we have one more ball. Back to your positions!

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Narrator: Unable to bear the humiliation, the British government decided to shut down the Champaner Cantonment.

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Col. Boyer: [Narrating, as he makes out an official document and affixes his wax seal] By the power vested in me by Her Majesty, Queen Victoria, I hereby declare that, after much deliberation on the matter, the Cantonment at Champaner be dissolved, and the officers and troops of the erstwhile Cantonment shall relocate and re-establish themselves in the princely state of Raj Gardh with immediate effect. Signed, Colonel J.R. Boyer, Commanding Officer, Central Provinces.

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Narrator: And so, not just Champaner, but all the villages in the province did not have to pay Lagaan for three years. Captain Russell had to pay for his capricious behavior. Besides having to pay triple Lagaan, he was transferred to the Central African Desert. Elizabeth returned to England, holding Bhuvan in her heart. She did not marry and remained Bhuvan's Radha all her life. Bhuvan and Gauri had a splendid wedding. Raja Puran Singh himself came to bless the newly-weds, enhancing Champener's status even more. Even after this historic victory, Bhuvan's name was lost somewhere in the pages of history.

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