Hellboy: Didn't I kill you already?
[about his Rubik's Cube]
Abe Sapien: Listen, I'm not much of a problem solver. Three decades... and I've only completed two sides.
Abe Sapien: [about Sammael] Harbinger of Pestilence, Seed of Destr...
Hellboy: Cut to the end, will ya? How do I kill it?
Abe Sapien: Hmm, doesn't say.
Abe Sapien: Remind me why I do this again.
Hellboy: Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind.
Abe Sapien: Ah!
Tom Manning: Let me tell you - let me tell you something about the Bureau of...
Television Host: Paranormal Research and Defense.
Tom Manning: ...of Paranormal Research and Defense: there is no such thing.
[cut to BPRD headquarters in New Jersey]
[spying on Liz and Myers]
Hellboy: She took his picture. DAMN. She took his picture. She took his picture.
[talking to Liz, re: his appearance]
Hellboy: I wish I could do something about this. But I can't. But I can promise you two things. One: I'll always look this good.
Hellboy: Two: I'll never give up on you... ever.
Liz Sherman: I like that.
[Hellboy grabs Sammael's tongue]
Hellboy: Second date, no tongue!
[communicating on radio]
Liz Sherman: Sparky to Big Red...
Hellboy: Sparky? Who came up with that? Myers?
[Hellboy is going back to confront Behemoth]
John Myers: Are you going to be... okay? Alone?
Hellboy: How big can it be?
[a tentacle grabs Hellboy and pulls him back]
Liz Sherman: Red, white, whatever. Guys are all the same.
Tom Manning: Have you found them yet?
Hellboy: I got 'em right below me. Matter of minutes.
Tom Manning: Okay, good. Could you hurry up, because it's a... it's a little spooky in here.
Liz Sherman: [to John as she ignites her powers] You should be running.
Grigori Rasputin: He disclosed to me the child's true name. Would you like to know it?
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: I already know what to call him. I call him "son".
Sgt. Whitman: You're wasting our time, there's nothing on this island but sheep and rocks!
[moments later the soldiers find a large Nazi encampment in the ruins]
Young 'Broom': They must be here for the sheep.
[about to die, to Grigori]
Ilsa: Hell will hold no surprises for us.
Hellboy: [after punching through a brick wall] You guys comin' or what?
Hellboy: I'm fireproof, you're not.
John Myers: He doesn't want me with him. I know that much. He respects Clay, not me.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: You're doing fine.
John Myers: No, I'm not. Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm not your guy.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: I'm dying, Agent Myers. Like any father, I worry about him.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: In medieval stories, there is often a young knight who is inexperienced, but pure of heart.
John Myers: Oh, come on. I am not pure of heart.
Abe Sapien: Yes, you are.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Rasputin is back for him. What I'm asking of you is to have the courage to stand by him when I am gone. He was born a demon; we can't change that. But you will help him, in essence, to become a man.
[Hellboy breaks through a wall and sees Liz has returned to the B.P.R.D. with John]
Liz Sherman: Some things never change.
[Liz walks away, leaving John]
Hellboy: You did it buddy! You DID IT!
[John walks away, leaving Hellboy]
Hellboy: Myers? Pop?
[Hellboy and Sammael fall through a vent]
Hellboy: YOU DAMNED MONSTER!
[Hellboy punches him]
[nearby phone rings as Hellboy fights Sammael]
Hellboy: IT'S FOR YOU!
[Hellboy hits Sammuel with the phone]
[Hellboy pummels Sammael]
Hellboy: Hurts, doesn't it? You shouldn't hurt PEOPLE!
Hellboy: Hey Myers, you're a talker. What's a good word, a solid word for "need"?
John Myers: Well, "need" is a good, solid word.
Hellboy: Nah. Too needy.
Liz Sherman: In the dark I heard your voice, what did you say?
Hellboy: I said, "Hey, you, on the other side - let her go. Because for her I will cross over, and then you'll be sorry!"
Hellboy: Mmmmmm nachos.
Hellboy: Aw, crap.
[holding his stone hand up to a moving car]
Hellboy: Red means stop!
[punches the car into the air]
Hellboy: [carrying the torso of a re-animated corpse over his shoulder] How you doing back there, Ivan?
Ivan Klimatovich: [in Russian] If I still had legs, I'd kick your ass!
Hellboy: [to agent] Could you hold this guy for a while? He is so negative.
[holding a corpse by a noose over his shoulder]
Hellboy: This is Ivan Klimatovich. Say hi, Ivan.
Ivan Klimatovich: [in Russian] Go that way, Red Monkey!
Hellboy: Look, Sammy, I'm not a very good shot...
[holds up his huge revolver]
Hellboy: ...but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets.
Hellboy: I'm gonna be sore in the mornin'!
Abe Sapien: [to Manning while handling a piece of evidence ungloved] Don't worry about fingerprints. Never had any.
Hellboy: What landed you this job, pushing "pamcakes"?
[as Hellboy tries to board a train in pursuit of a monster, the driver beats him in the head with a fire extinguisher]
Hellboy: OW! HEY! I'm on your side!
Train Driver: Huh! Sure!
[hits Hellboy again]
Hellboy: You killed my father, your ass is mine!
John Myers: Did you ever lose track of him?
Hellboy: Well let's see - there was that moment, when I had the train on top of my head...
Hellboy: Hey! Stinky!
Hellboy: Mmmm... nachos!
Ivan Klimatovich: [in Russian] I was better off dead!
Abe Sapien: If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: In the absence of light, darkness prevails. There are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. Make no mistake about that. And we are the ones who bump back.
Abe Sapien: [while stitching up Hellboy's forearm] How long did he touch you?
Hellboy: I don't know? About 5 seconds?
Abe Sapien: [pulls three eggs out of his forearm] Touched you five seconds, laid three eggs.
Hellboy: Didn't even buy me a drink.
Abe Sapien: [as Hellboy walks away from Sammael's corpse] Red, you need to hear the rest of the information.
Hellboy: Nah, he's taken care of.
Abe Sapien: No, listen to this. Sammael, the Desolate One, Lord of the Shadows, Son of Nergal...
[Hellboy starts to make "blah blah" motions with his hand]
Abe Sapien: ...hound of resurrection.
Hellboy: [stops] See, I don't like that.
Abe Sapien: What? Hound of resurrection?
Hellboy: [turns around; Sammael is gone] Mmm.
John Myers: What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them.
Sgt. Whitman: Look at the size of that whammer!
Hellboy: Outside. I could be outside.
Abe Sapien: You mean, outside with her.
Hellboy: Don't get psychic with me, fella.
Abe Sapien: Nothing psychic about it. You're easy.
Hellboy: How am I gonna get a girl? I drive around in a garbage truck.
Abe Sapien: Liz left us, Red. Take the hint.
Hellboy: [picks up his gun] We don't take hints.
Agent Clay: Seal the doors. Red and Blue are coming in.
Abe Sapien: [after probing the sealed door] Behind this door, a dark entity. Evil, ancient and hungry.
Hellboy: [sighs] Oh, well. Let me go in and say hi.
John Myers: Hey, no one goes with him? Jesus.
Abe Sapien: No. He likes it that way. The whole "lonely hero" thing.
Hellboy: [while Sammael is eating] What you having? Six library guards, raw, plus belts and boots. Man, you're gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out.
Hellboy: [after spotting Sammael in railway tunnel] Waiting for me, chunk-face?
Hellboy: Open wide!
[breaks Sammael's lower jaw]
[examining Kroenen's corpse]
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Subject, Karl Ruprecht Kroenen. Born in Munich, 1897. Suffered from a masochistic compulsion commonly known as "surgical addiction". Both eyelids surgically removed, along with his upper and lower lip, making speech impossible. The blood in his veins dried up decades ago. Only dust remains.
[he removes a revolving key from Kroenen's heart]
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Four broken vertebrae. A steel rod inserted into his pelvis kept him upright... what horrible will could keep such a creature as this alive?
[Broom opens a box full of rosaries]
Young 'Broom': Your men, they'll need these.
Sgt. Whitman: [sniggers] Are you a Catholic?
Young 'Broom': Yes, among other things. But that's hardly the point.
Sgt. Whitman: [locks and loads a pistol] Here. You'll need one of these.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: A 16-century statue was destroyed. Saint Dionysius the Areopagite.
Hellboy: Who wards off demons.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: The statue, however, was hollow.
Hellboy: A reliquary?
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: A prison. The Vatican thought its occupant dangerous enough to include it on the list of Avignon, of which, by the way, we hold a copy.
[Hellboy holds up a speed-loader of giant glass bullets]
Hellboy: Perfect job for these babies. Made 'em myself. Holy water, clover leaf, silver shavings, white oak... the works.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: 1937: Hitler joins the Thule Society, a group of German aristocrats obsessed with the occult. In 1938, he acquired the spear of Longinus, which pierced the side of Christ. He who holds it becomes invincible. Hitler's power increases tenfold. 1943: President Roosevelt decides to fight back. The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense is born. 1958: the Occult Wars finally come to an end with the death of Adolf Hitler.
John Myers: 1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: [amused] Did he now?
[in a large cemetery, searching for Rasputin's mausoleum]
Tom Manning: Where are you going?
Hellboy: To ask for directions.
[opens an amulet]
Hellboy: Come on, find me a talker...
[as Ilsa pours out salt from the reliquary inside the statue]
Grigori Rasputin: Salt, gathered from the tears of a thousand angels, restraining the essence of Sammael, the Hellhound. The Seed of Destruction. This I can promise, Sammael, for every one of you that falls, two shall arise.
Kid on Rooftop: Just go down there and tell her how you feel.
[Hellboy is silent]
Kid on Rooftop: My mom always says...
Hellboy: It's not... it's not that easy. Plus, you're nine. You're not old enough to be giving me advice.
[Clay examines his new hair implants]
Agent Clay: This doesn't really look like doll's hair! Be honest, what do you think, Red?
Hellboy: I'm thinking about doing it myself.
[on TV, Manning is confronted with the latest picture of Hellboy]
Tom Manning: I have a question. Why is it, in these pictures, pictures of aliens, UFOs, the yeti, Hellboy, why is it they're always out of focus?
Agent Clay: So you met the fish guy, right?
John Myers: Oh, yeah. That was weird.
Agent Clay: [unimpressed] Yeah, right. Well, come on in. Meet the rest of the family.
Liz Sherman: [to Hellboy, when she realizes that she and Myers are trapped with several Sammaels] Marco. Marco. Get your big red butt down here!
Hellboy: [hears the alarm in his room, to Myers] Hey. Hey. Hey. They're playing our song.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Unique. That is a word you will hear frequently around here.
Hellboy: I hate those comic books. They never get the eyes right.
John Myers: My uncle used to say that we like people for their qualities but we love them for their defects.
John Myers: [referring to stinger from Sammael's tongue on Hellboy's arm] What is that thing?
Hellboy: Ah crap!
[hands stinger to Myers]
Hellboy: I'll go ask!
[Myers fumbles with stinger and drops it while shuddering]
Tom Manning: So, how many escapes, this year alone? Five!
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Tom, he's our guest, not a prisoner!
Tom Manning: Yeah, well, your guest happens to be six-foot five, bright red, has a tail, and is government funded.
Abe Sapien: [upon seeing cockroaches leaving the cistern he's about to enter] We lead a charmed life.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: What is it that makes a man a man? Is it his origins, the way things start. Or is it something else, something harder to describe? For me it all began in 1944, classified mission off the coast of Scotland. The Nazis were desperate. Combining science and black magic they intended to upset the balance of the war. I was 28, already a paranormal advisor to President Roosevelt. I could never have suspected that what would transpire that night would not only effect the course of history but change my life forever.
Hellboy: [as Abe is patching up Hellboy's arm after his first fight with Sammael, Abe accidentally hurts Hellboy] DAMN! Could you *please* be a little more careful?
Abe Sapien: Mm-hmm... big baby.
Hellboy: Are you okay?
[manning nods weakly. Hellboy brings out a cigar and fires up his Zippo]
Hellboy: You'd better stay here. I'll find a way out. We'll come back for you.
Tom Manning: You call that thing a cigar?
Tom Manning: You never, ever light a cigar that way.
Tom Manning: [he digs out one of his fine cigars, cuts it and hands it to Hellboy] Use a wooden match. It preserves the flavor.
Hellboy: [he lights it for him and Hellboy grins] Thank you.
Tom Manning: [smiles] My job.
Hellboy: Look at them ugly suckers, Blue. One sheet of glass between us and them.
Abe Sapien: Story of my life.
Hellboy: Hey, Sparky... tell everyone to turn on their locator belts if anyone sees anything.
John Myers: Are you sure about this?
Hellboy: On a scale of one to ten, two.
Tom Manning: [two government agents have died under Hellboy's command and Manning is displeased] You know what my problem with you is? You're reckless. Those two men trusted you to lead them as a team. Where were you?
Hellboy: I knew those men better than you did.
Tom Manning: Ah, I see. That makes it all right then.
Hellboy: No, it doesn't make it all right, but I stopped that thing, didn't I?
Tom Manning: Yeah, that's what you do. That's why we need you. You have an insight. You know monsters.
Hellboy: What are you trying to say?
Tom Manning: This whole thing is a farce, because in the end, after you've killed and captured every freak out there - there's still one left: you.
Hellboy: [sighs and acts natural] Manning, I wish I could be more gracious, but...
[furiously pulls a machine from off the floor, lifts it and heaves it in Manning's direction]
Tom Manning: Hey, fish stick. Don't touch anything.
Abe Sapien: I need to touch it to see.
Tom Manning: See what?
Abe Sapien: Past, future. Whatever this object holds.