Stephen King: How about that nightlight I asked you for?
Edgar Allen Poe (to King): King You Pussy!
Stephen King: Bite me Poe!
Stu Miley: So how long have you been in here?
Steven King: 25 Years. I steal the golden ticket and Cujo gets to use it.
Stu Miley: Excuse me kitty. I'll be right back after I choke my monkey!
Monkeybone: No I wasn't in a coma! Alright I was in a coma but it wasn't like I was IN A COMA and goofing off, I was thinking up hilarious new bits the whole time!
Stu Miley: The woman I love is living with a horny little monkey that looks like me.
Kitty: What a lucky girl!
Hypnos: [fustrated] I can't believe it, we give him a body and he sends us dogs? This is so humiliating!
Kitty: [stroking Hypnos] Let's not think about dogs... Let's think about pussycats...
Julie: It looks so... new.
Stu: Well that's because it is new!
Julie: But the heirloom - your grandmother's ring...
Stu: What? You want a used ring?
Doctor: [while in a van chasing Organ Donor Stu] Wait! We're doctors! We don't want to hurt you, we just want some organs!
Organ Donor Stu: What is wrong with my neck?
Doctor: You broke it, you're an organ donor!
Stu: So I thought what the hell I'm a big celebrity now, I can get all the chicks I want. Why get married? But on the other hand if you are married, no more stink eye. Plus they can't testify against you.
Herb: Testify about what?
Monkeybone: Ladies and Gentlemen, forget about the naked man with the purple face.
[Stu goes into a phone booth to call the authorities and report the car crash, unaware that a large red pipe loosened by the crash is starting to tilt over towards the booth]
Julie: [sees the pipe start to move] Stu!
[Stu turns around a waves to her, then turns back to the phone as the pipe starts to fall]
Julie: [screams] STU!
[Stu waves at her again, and the pipe falls on the booth, putting Stu in a coma]
Death: [sitting at the controls of a tower monster] I do like to dress up when I come down town. So, how was she?
Stu Miley: [standing on the monster's right hand] She was... she was beautiful. Of course I was decomposing at the time but... at least now she knows how much I love her.
Monkeybone: [looking nervous] Uh, excuse me, Death... I hate to break up this little love test, but my little bladder is about to burst.
[Death pulls a lever, and the hand Monkeybone is on swings over Stu]
Monkeybone: [screams] BUT I'VE *REALLY* GOTTA GO!
[the hand covers Stu, then rises off him revealing Monkeybone has disappeared]
Stu Miley: [feeling his head] Where, where's Monkeybone?
Death: Back in your head where he belongs. I don't wanna hurt your feelings Stu, but on your own you're a tad vinilla, so I didn't want to send you back without him.
Stu Miley: [surprised] You're wha... did you? You're sending my *back*?
Death: [sure] Yes. I'm sending you back.
Stu Miley: Thank you. Death...
Death: I like you. I'll take the South Park guys instead I hear they're dying to meet me.
Death: Come on Stu. Turn round.
Stu Miley: [turns around] Like this?
Death: Yeah, uh-huh.
Death: Stu, little higher.
[Stu steps higher up the palm, and the other hand comes up behind him]
Death: See ya!
[the finger springs off the the thumb, sending Stu back]
Doctor: [racing towards the Ambulance with other doctors carrying the loaner body and Stu's body] Excuse me! That's our corpse. We've been chasing him all over town.
Ambulance Driver: [sitting in the driver seat] Help yourself pal.
Doctor: [pulling the cover off the loaner body] All right smart-ass you prepare to co-operate now?
[Stu sits up, scaring the doctors]
Stu Miley: [Buster runs over to Stu, who is near a fountain] Hey buddy! How are ya?
Stu Miley: How are ya?
[Stu stands up and sees Julie, who is by the fountain]
Julie: [looks into Stu's eyes] Is it you? Is it really you this time?
[they kiss and the camera turns to Herb, who is in the water near the fountain]
Herb: [to the camera] People, for the love of God, take off your clothes. Take *off* your clothes!
[the scenery turns to cartoon, Herb flies away, a number of people remove their clothing and become monkeys]