Edit

(1998–2001)

Quotes

Billie Frank: Irish Coffee, easy on the coffee!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Last night, I think I slept with a woman.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: I think that we should do something that makes us feel better.

Dave Parelli: What is there besides sex?

Billie Frank: Häagen-Dazs!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Apparently God has chosen to punish me by making me work for someone who actually wants me to work.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie: The first picture of me in my family album, I'm two days old and my mother's breast-feeding the doctor.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dave: Billie, this'll be hard but I need you to think of someone other than yourself for a moment...

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Trudy Frank: [to Billie] How dare you tell all your friends I'm a drunken potato-headed whore?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: How do I know you don't badmouth me to your friends when I'm not there?

Trudy Frank: Because, darling, when you're not here I forget all about you.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dave Parelli: Remember that anesthesiologist I was dating and I cheated on her with her sister? I just told her about it and she forgave me. We sat down, had a nice cup of tea, and...

[puzzled]

Dave Parelli: and I don't really remember what happened after that.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Mom, with you in A.A., are you sure it's a good idea to *drink*?

Trudy Frank: Don't be ridiculous darling, it's always a good idea to drink.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Mother, I'm in A.A. for real. I go every day. It's not a hobby, it's not a place to pick up guys - most of the time. I'm struggling with sobriety. You haven't even *met* sobriety.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Hi, I'm Billie, but all my friends call me "Oh Crap, Here Comes Billie."

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dave: I like the sound the glass makes when the bartender puts it on the counter. I like the way it feels in my hand. I bring it in close, and I can smell it, and a wave of relief goes through my body even before I take the first sip.

Billie: You're slow. I'd be on my third one by now.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie: Why should you get what you want when I can't get what I want?

Dave: Because life is unfair and I'm really horny.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Alright, alright, I admit it. I'm a fiscally irresponsible, emotionally unstable, former drunk. But that shouldn't *no way* prejudice your decision to maybe, you know, hopefully give me an advance?

Sidney Gibson: An advance? You don't earn the money I pay you.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie: May I confide in you as a friend?

Sidney Gibson: No.

Billie: Fine. Then as an acquaintance.

[she sighs and sits]

Billie: You know, lately, my life has been really crappy. Yeah... haven't had sex in over months, my landlord is raising my rents!

Sidney Gibson: So sleep with him.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie: [asking for an advance] Hey, Siddy Sid Sid... you're like the mother I never had.

Sidney Gibson: Forget it.

Billie: Now you're like the mother I have.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Trudy Frank: A drink without liquor? Oh, what's the point?

Billie Frank: How about, driving your car legally, or maybe remembering your name... Or, not pursuing a liver at the age of fifty.

Trudy Frank: Fifty? I beat the odds.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Trudy: Because of me, you lived here, rent-free, for years.

Billie: Mother, I was a child!

Trudy: An ungrateful one.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Trudy Frank: [to Billie] I gave you life! The least you could do is cheerfully answer the door.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Sidney Gibson: [about the new web page Billie's supposed to take care of] Are we on the internet yet?

Billie Frank: Didn't you hear the internet's closed today?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Jackie: If anyone can bounce back, it's me; I'm like the Energizer Junkie.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dave: [to Billie] Hey, the next time you invite me to a family gathering, could you make sure it's not your family!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie Frank: Come on Dave, please, I need your help, I'm begging you, and I don't usually beg! Well, not with my clothes on, anyway.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Billie: Carl, what if I told you I was really drunk last night and... the only reason I slept with you is because, well, I don't know why I slept with you, *but* it's never gonna happen again.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Trudy: [Billie just arrived at her mother's house] Oh Billie, would like a frozen Prozac on a stick? Or, as I'd like to call it - Frozac. It's great on those late summer afternoons when you're really depressed.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Raquel: We're gonna have some dinner, a little dancing, a little laser light show, and then you are gonna get the best fuck you've ever had.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page