Dirt Merchant (1999)
James Earl: [over the phone] Detective Harry Ball?
Detective Harry Ball: Who the hell is this?
James Earl: Just call me "Deep Throat"
Detective Harry Ball: You expect me to swallow that?
Detective Harry Ball: You have the right to shut up. Anything you say, can and will piss me off! If you can't afford a shyster attorney, we will assign you an overworked loser, who doesn't give a shit and will screw up your case anyway. Now, do you understand your rights?
Dirt Merchant: Yeah, I understand. This is a total frameup. Speaking of rights, where's your warrant anyway?
Detective Harry Ball: Huh? What?
Detective Harry Ball: [checking pockets and finding nothing] Shit!
[after looking at a series of portraits of Holly So Tightly alongside famous singers]
Dirt Merchant: Unbelievable!
Holly So Tightly: What is?
Dirt Merchant: You've humped half of my record collection.
Holly So Tightly: Whatever...
Dirt Merchant: I knew it all along. But why? Huh? Why?
Holly So Tightly: Why do you think? Johnny, Eric, Bart... they didn't love me. All they wanted was sex!
Dirt Merchant: You're a fucking porn star. What the hell do you expect?
Holly So Tightly: I'm not whore! Like help put my career, some real respect, and maybe a half decent orgasm once in a while!
Dirt Merchant: What about Ronnie? Huh?
Holly So Tightly: Figure it out, "Encyclopedia Brown"!
[after asking Holly So Tightly casual questions]
XTV Reporter: ...and how does it feel to be called "the biggest star fucker in the business"?
[Holly So Tightly looks at the reporter with a sour face]
[Holly So Tightly suddenly stops her car around the runaway Dirt Merchant]
Holly So Tightly: Come with me if you wanna leave.
Dirt Merchant: Huh?
Holly So Tightly: Don't worry, I know you're innocent!
Dirt Merchant: You do?
Holly So Tightly: Just get in the car!
[after Dirt Merchants' roommates get paid by a reporter and start talking provocatively about him]
Holly So Tightly: Consider yourself lucky...
[pulls Dirt Merchant to bed with her]
Holly So Tightly: ...at least you still have friends!
Holly So Tightly: My last three guys... Eric, Bart, John... dead! Gone!
[puts her arm around him and starts crying]
Holly So Tightly: I mean, do I have bad Karma or what?
Dirt Merchant: Maybe, you know... but ah... well, sometimes... shit just happens.
Holly So Tightly: Ah... you are so understanding.
Dirt Merchant: Thanks.
Holly So Tightly: Kiss me, you tool!
[after Dirt Merchant joins Holly So Tightly per her request in centering himself via meditation]
Holly So Tightly: Ok, I'm centered. Now do me dirty, Dirt!
Holly So Tightly: [Holly So Tightly mounts Dirt Merchant aggressively in a pool's corner]
Holly So Tightly: [afterwards] I hope you don't mind me using you like a hapless sack of meat. But you know, sometimes a girl just gotta have it.
Dirt Merchant: [breathing to relax] Yeah, no problem, I guess...
[Holly So Tightly walks around the pool topless after she slept with Dirt Merchant]
Dirt Merchant: Watching her reminded me of something Sly would have said. "There's no such thing as fake tits".
Angie: Look obviously this was a bad idea and I have to get back for a meeting. You have my card, maybe we can do lunch sometime.
Dirt Merchant: Sure, that'd be great. You know, thanks for coming by. It was really nice seeing you and er, congratulations on your new job.
Angie: You really mean it?
Dirt Merchant: Sure. Happy for you Ang.
Angie: Thanks, call me okay? Let's be friends.
Dirt Merchant: Absolutely.
Dirt Merchant: Angie, how are you?
Angie: Yeah, I need to hire a detective.
Dirt Merchant: To do what?
Angie: Find a missing person.
Dirt Merchant: Who might that be?
Angie: My ex-boyfriend.
Dirt Merchant: What is his name again?
Angie: Dirt, if he doesn't kiss me right now.
[they go to kiss each other but Dirt stops it]
Dirt Merchant: Wait just so you're aware.
Angie: Of what?
Dirt Merchant: That we're friends, just friends.