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Dirt Merchant (1999) Poster

(1999)

Quotes

James Earl: [over the phone] Detective Harry Ball?

Detective Harry Ball: Who the hell is this?

James Earl: Just call me "Deep Throat"

Detective Harry Ball: You expect me to swallow that?

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Detective Harry Ball: You have the right to shut up. Anything you say, can and will piss me off! If you can't afford a shyster attorney, we will assign you an overworked loser, who doesn't give a shit and will screw up your case anyway. Now, do you understand your rights?

Dirt Merchant: Yeah, I understand. This is a total frameup. Speaking of rights, where's your warrant anyway?

Detective Harry Ball: Huh? What?

Detective Harry Ball: [checking pockets and finding nothing] Shit!

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[after looking at a series of portraits of Holly So Tightly alongside famous singers]

Dirt Merchant: Unbelievable!

Holly So Tightly: What is?

Dirt Merchant: You've humped half of my record collection.

Holly So Tightly: Whatever...

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Dirt Merchant: I knew it all along. But why? Huh? Why?

Holly So Tightly: Why do you think? Johnny, Eric, Bart... they didn't love me. All they wanted was sex!

Dirt Merchant: You're a fucking porn star. What the hell do you expect?

Holly So Tightly: I'm not whore! Like help put my career, some real respect, and maybe a half decent orgasm once in a while!

Dirt Merchant: What about Ronnie? Huh?

Holly So Tightly: Figure it out, "Encyclopedia Brown"!

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[after asking Holly So Tightly casual questions]

XTV Reporter: ...and how does it feel to be called "the biggest star fucker in the business"?

[Holly So Tightly looks at the reporter with a sour face]

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[Holly So Tightly suddenly stops her car around the runaway Dirt Merchant]

Holly So Tightly: Come with me if you wanna leave.

Dirt Merchant: Huh?

Holly So Tightly: Don't worry, I know you're innocent!

Dirt Merchant: You do?

Holly So Tightly: Just get in the car!

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[after Dirt Merchants' roommates get paid by a reporter and start talking provocatively about him]

Holly So Tightly: Consider yourself lucky...

[pulls Dirt Merchant to bed with her]

Holly So Tightly: ...at least you still have friends!

Holly So Tightly: My last three guys... Eric, Bart, John... dead! Gone!

[puts her arm around him and starts crying]

Holly So Tightly: I mean, do I have bad Karma or what?

Dirt Merchant: Maybe, you know... but ah... well, sometimes... shit just happens.

Holly So Tightly: Ah... you are so understanding.

Dirt Merchant: Thanks.

Holly So Tightly: Kiss me, you tool!

[kisses him]

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[after Dirt Merchant joins Holly So Tightly per her request in centering himself via meditation]

Holly So Tightly: Ok, I'm centered. Now do me dirty, Dirt!

[jumps him]

Holly So Tightly: [Holly So Tightly mounts Dirt Merchant aggressively in a pool's corner]

Holly So Tightly: [afterwards] I hope you don't mind me using you like a hapless sack of meat. But you know, sometimes a girl just gotta have it.

Dirt Merchant: [breathing to relax] Yeah, no problem, I guess...

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[Holly So Tightly walks around the pool topless after she slept with Dirt Merchant]

Dirt Merchant: Watching her reminded me of something Sly would have said. "There's no such thing as fake tits".

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Angie: God Dirt, what are you doing with your life anyway?

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Angie: Look obviously this was a bad idea and I have to get back for a meeting. You have my card, maybe we can do lunch sometime.

Dirt Merchant: Sure, that'd be great. You know, thanks for coming by. It was really nice seeing you and er, congratulations on your new job.

Angie: You really mean it?

Dirt Merchant: Sure. Happy for you Ang.

Angie: Thanks, call me okay? Let's be friends.

Dirt Merchant: Absolutely.

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Dirt Merchant: Angie, how are you?

Angie: Yeah, I need to hire a detective.

Dirt Merchant: To do what?

Angie: Find a missing person.

Dirt Merchant: Who might that be?

Angie: My ex-boyfriend.

Dirt Merchant: What is his name again?

Angie: Dirt, if he doesn't kiss me right now.

[they go to kiss each other but Dirt stops it]

Dirt Merchant: Wait just so you're aware.

Angie: Of what?

Dirt Merchant: That we're friends, just friends.

Angie: Whatever.

[they kiss]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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