Muppets from Space (1999)
Gonzo: I had that weird dream again.
Rizzo the Rat: You mean the one with the goat and the dwarf and the jar of peanut butter?
[Ed is examining Gonzo]
Ed Singer: No nostrils. How do you smell?
Rizzo the Rat: Awful. Trust me, I'm his roommate.
[Miss Piggy runs by]
Statler: Is breakfast over?
Waldorf: No, why?
Statler: 'Cause I think the bacon just ran out.
Gonzo: Remember, I built this new Jacuzzi for my alien family, so please, no eating in the spa.
Kermit: Okay, guys. It's up to us. We have to save Gonzo from a whole army of government agents.
Fozzie: Well, I have a joke book.
Animal: Drumsticks, drumsticks!
Pepe: I have some loose jello, okay.
Kermit: Okay. Well that settles that.
Gonzo: Rizzo, come here, my Cap'n Alphabet is sending me a message: R U There.
Rizzo: Are you sure it didn't say "you need help"?
Pepe: You tell him, and I will smack you. I will smack you like a bad, bad donkey, okay!
Gonzo: Hey, Rizzo, come here! I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message.
Rizzo the Rat: Yeah, I know what you mean. I had some guacamole last night, and it's still speaking to me.
Noah: What are you, anyway?
Gonzo: Oh, uh, good question. Now technically speaking, uhh, let's say, put me down as a... 'Whatever'?
Rizzo: No, it's Santa, but I forgot my reindeer.
Pepe: Hey, Kermit. When will you fix the oven, okay?
Kermit: What's wrong with the oven?
Gonzo: I'm an alien!
Rizzo: What, have you been tap-dancing on the barbecue again?
Gonzo: Well, it's just that I'm sick and tired of being a one-of-a-kind freak, that's all.
Kermit: Gonzo, you are not a one-of-a-kind freak. You're a, uh... uh...
Gonzo: A whatever?
Kermit: Well... yeah.
Pepe: There is a menu correction, okay. We will now be serving baloney sandwiches.
[Swedish cook shouts something]
Pepe: But, no bread.
Miss Piggy: Kermy?
TV Producer: What is going on here?
Statler: I wonder if there really is life on other planets?
Waldorf: What do you care? You don't have a life on this planet.
TV Producer: Gonzo, you've got it.
Rizzo: Sure wish we could find a cure for it.
Ed Singer: Forgive me my Earthly manners, but, uh, do you have any idea what it's like to be laughed at?
Gonzo: Yeah, sure I do.
Ed Singer: To be called names, like 'wacko.'
Ed Singer: And 'freak-boy.'
Gonzo: Oh, yeah.
Ed Singer: And 'paranoid delusional psychopath'?
Gonzo: Got me there.
Rizzo: How you doin', Ed?
Fast Eddie: Well, I ain't dead.
[Gonzo appears on live TV]
Clifford: Hey, you better get down there, Kerm.
Kermit: Relax. No one is going anywhere, okay?
Gonzo: [on TV] You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and then it was confirmed to me by the Cosmic Fish that I am definitely from outer space.
Rizzo: So you want to go now, or wait for the commercial?
Rizzo: Are you telling me we came out here in the middle of the night for a stupid egg?
Pepe: Sh! It could be full of chocolate, okay.
Clifford: Nah, Baby! Me and Gonzo are very tight. In fact, we're gonna be chillin' in our hot tub later on. Perhaps you'd like to partake in the partay?
Gonzo: [as Rizzo is hanging out the window] Rizzo?
Rizzo the Rat: No, it's Santa. But I forgot my reindeer.
Kermit: [after the 'Door in a Jar' forms but the door is too small] Gee, that's disappointing.
Miss Piggy: Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.
Rizzo: What? I cannot believe that little shrimp left us behind!
Pepe: I am not a shrimp. I am a king prawn!
Kermit: You know what you are, Gonzo?
Cosmic Fish #1: We are not the same as you.
Cosmic Fish #2: We are highly evolved beings. Now... uh, what was I saying?
Miss Piggy: We're going to pause here and we'll be right back with Gonzo, the Geek Who Fell to Earth.
Rizzo: I don't like the look of those guys. This rat smells a rat.
Agent Barker: [to Gonzo] The limo is right this way.
Rizzo: Did he say limo? Wait a second, I'm his translator. Hold up!
Agent Barker: Black belt, third degree.
Miss Piggy: Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.
Agent Barker: How about this story? It's about a big, bad wolf and a little pig.
Miss Piggy: Um, that's three pigs, okay?
Agent Barker: Not in this version.
Miss Piggy: Oh! A real story. Intrigue! Danger! New outfits! And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine, a ha ha ha ha... (to camera) Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?
Agent Barker: We feel your pain, Gonzo.
Gonzo: They feel my pain!
Rizzo: I've got a paper-cut that's a doozy. You feel my pain, too?
Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation!
Kermit: How can that be great news?
Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity.
Kermit: [on spy gadgets] Ahah. The old rubber ducky with invisibility-spray trick. Check.
Ed Singer: [puts on glove] May I?
Rizzo: I think before you answer that question you'd better be real clear on the final destination of that finger.
Ed Singer: They are coming to Earth, aren't they?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: How many of them are there?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: When will they be here? And don't you *dare* tell me that you don't know.
Gonzo: I know not?
Ed Singer: I'm afraid we're going to have to perform an invasive quadrilobal brain probe on you and pluck it from your head.
Gonzo: The information?
Ed Singer: No, your brain.
Dr. Tucker: From this moment on, if I say you're hungry, you eat. If I say you're sleepy...
Rizzo: I eat?
Kermit: What is he doing up there?
Rizzo: His breakfast cereal told him to sit up there.
Clifford: Talk about whole grain and nuts.
Kermit: He's one of us. And no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles we face, we NEVER forget one of our own.
Miss Piggy: I love it when you take charge.
Fozzie Bear: Hey! We left Bunsen and Beaker back at the gas station.
Kermit: Okay... Well, uh, from THIS point on , no matter what happens, we never forget one of our own.
Dr. Phil Van Neuter: Feeling a little nervous, are we?
Gonzo: Of *course* I'm nervous.
Dr. Van Neuter: Well, don't worry. Everyone is before having their brains sucked out.
Miss Piggy: Hello! What's a nice man like *you* doing in a guardhouse like *this*?
Rentro: While they're warming up the brain-sucker for ya in surgery, I brought you a sandwich here, and I cut off the crusts for you.
Kermit: Okay, guys. We've got to get through those doors.
Fozzie Bear: Should we just ask permission from those nice men with the rifles?
[Pepe reappears in ballet costume]
Pepe: La la la la lah laah. Lah!
Pepe: I should, uh, go change, okay?
Dr. Phil Van Neuter: Remember, if you experience any unpleasantness, please let me know. I would hate to miss it.
Ed Singer: Excuse me. Can this thing go any faster?
Rentro: I'm doing *thirty.*
Shelley Snipes: You backstabbing, underhanded little coffee-pig!
General Luft: You're terminated.
Ed Singer: Uhh, when you say 'terminated'...
General Luft: You need help, Singer! *Find* some!
Gonzo: Now we can go meet my alien brothers at Cape Doom.
Kermit: Uh, what makes you think that aliens are landing there, Gonzo?
Gonzo: Oh, a sandwich told me.
Miss Piggy: Midnight. The lone alien stands before a naked sky. The mood is tense. My hair looks *great.*
Shelley Snipes: This is Shelley Snipes. Please ignore the little sow.
Ubergonzo: Gonzo, by surviving and thriving on this alien planet, you have proven yourself audacious, courageous, and distinctly one-of-a-kind. We welcome you back with our most ceremonious of ceremonies.
Gonzo: What's that?
Ubergonzo: We gonna blow you up, baby.
Kermit: So... you'll write?
Gonzo: Oh, yeah, sure I'll write. There's probably a mailbox every couple of light years.
Kermit: Oh, hey Gonzo! I thought you were performing at a bar mitzvah?
Gonzo: No, I got the Electric Mayhem to cover for me.
[a guard sees Fozzie's hands, which he washed the invisibilty spray off]
Female Armed Guard: YOU!... HANDS!... up?
Gonzo: What a great day.
Gonzo: That was probably the best day of my whole life. There's just one thing I still don't understand.
Kermit: What's that, Gonzo?
Gonzo: Why did they ask me to build a jacuzzi?
Rentro: [singing] Jalapenos, jalapenos, gettin' my friend some jalapenos.
Dr. Van Neuter: Hello, I'm Dr. Van Neuter. I'll be your brain surgeon today, if you don't mind. Ha! Get it? "Brain surgeon." "Mind." Hahaha!
Gonzo: [Gonzo wakes up from a bad dream and sits upright, accidentally sending a hammock-sleeping Rizzo flying out the window] I don't wanna be alone!
Rizzo the Rat: You're not alone.
Gonzo: Who said that?
Rizzo the Rat: Gee, I don't know. Maybe it's the rat who's hanging out of the window!
Gonzo: People of Earth, do not be alarmed!
Miss Piggy: Oh brother.
Miss Piggy: Hello little people. What an absolutely splendid day.
Miss Piggy: What are you doing here?
Gonzo: I'm making contact. What are you doing?
Ed Singer: Very, very moving, my little alien friend. But I'm afraid your timing is off. Now you're coming back with me in my c-cement truck.